Who's the loquaciousist troll
of them all?
Just kidding! Not a troll! Just a fellow who got tired of trying to find Ms. Right Now (a detailed description of whom can be found below) on ChristianMingle and figured he'd give this a shot instead!
Unsolicited user reviews:
"I just have to say you are the worst person I've ever seen on here."
-- 25-year old female (Chicago; 58/66/35)
U mad bro?
You are "a horrible human being" who is undoubtedly "compensating for a baby penis."
-- 36-year old female (Naperville; 69/40/38)
My grandmum would disagree! On the first point anyway!
"I would eat you up."
-- 32-year old male (San Francisco; 92/34/42)
I appreciate a "clean plate clubber" as much as the next person but if ever I was going to be the meat in a sandwich I'd really rather the buns be female.
"How big is your dick? Can I see it?"
-- 26-year old female (Chicago; 24/37/59)
I fear you are not nearly as "serious about" your Catholicism as you think, my child.
"My god that is long!"
-- 29-year old female (Chicago; 82/79/16)
I know! Just wait 'til you get to my profile...
Typical reaction: "Like, ZOMG! WHAT. A. DOUCHE. Granted, a douche who is physically fit, surprisingly eloquent, (allegedly) devilishly attractive and capable of professing a disarmingly -- if not downright charmingly -- self-aware brand of douchiness."
I'll try keep this semi-short for expediency's sake. [Editor's note: I failed.] True story: if you are able to swallow the initially disagreeable outer layer of douchiness that dominates this profile and we end up hitting it off then you shall be rewarded. Handsomely.
Summary: I like where I'm at personally, professionally, physically, psychologically, and any other of those -ally's, but I travel a lot (primarily NYC, Boston and SF) for work and would like to meet a lady who has plenty of her own things going on that would like to grab some drinks, share a few laughs and/or practice a little babymaking for pretend.
Some facts about me: Just like everybody else on here I am extremely attractive and devilishly intelligent, but unlike them I have the pics and conversational skills to prove it. For those of you who keep asking (and, yes, I am a little surprised by how many of you "respectable ladies" have inquired), my endowment is more Harvard than Bemidji State. However, no, I am not going to send you a picture... unless/until you earn it. Anyway. I can be discreet. Sometimes I'm laid-back, sometimes I'm not; sometimes I'm down to earth, sometimes I'm not -- but I'd rather somebody punch me in my erogenous zone than use either of those lame, generic phrases to describe me. I rarely lose my cool, know how to treat a lady, never forget a face, but can be bad with names. I have an extremely supple mind, maintain a very active lifestyle, harbor several seemingly insatiable desires, and don't really give a shit about the Oxford comma or your supposed respect for it. I have a serious (ie, big boy) job that demands a lot of my time, but in and around focusing on subcutaneously administered oligonucleotides and series E convertible debentures I will be daydreaming about how amazing your tits look when your back arches just as you cum.
Running tally of people who think I am a horrible human being based on my profile alone: I lost track!
Postscript to opening section: Ladies! Ladies!! We all know you are smarter than men but my god (irony!) it is sad how many of you think I legitimately got tired of a religious-themed dating site and instead meandered my way over here as Plan B. I mean -- c'mon people, you're better than that. At least, I really want to believe you're better than that so I'm going to keep assuming its true. Sheesh.