http://www.singsnap.com/snap/watchAndListen/play/b4bc8738
due to the fact i have satellite net theres a delay between me and the music * SIGH*
****My Motto****

There's not alot to tell. I'm 5 ft9.. In no way perfect. I love my children I'm an avid reader and sometimes I'll write something that makes my own pulse race. " he tilts her neck before he sinks his teeth into her delicious peach scented flesh he whispers " Renee My love are you sure this is what you want. She nods slowlly her head being supported by his astonishing strength. She knows he could crush her golden tressed head and the fact that he dosn't that he wants her forever still steals her breath. As his lips sink into her skin and the sharp pain steals her very breath he whispers " I will love your forever."

Something about that makes me wanna cry is it because I'm a female and emotional or is it because I am romantic and it strikes to my soul.

What woman wouldn't want a man to look at her forever and desire only her always what must that be like..

*Sighs*
So I'll just say " I'm over Sexed and underpaid.."
What exactlly does that phrase mean..... To sexed as in having to much sex... lmao not possible... Underpaid.... wow what am i a cheap hooker...... I take it back not over sexed and pay is fine.... hmmm okay that dosn't sound right either.... I give up/... I'll just say have a great day...

They are also complicated... I'm very artistic... and I'm an old soul... I'm very laid back... and aslong as I'm treated like an equal I will always have your back...I'm the kind of girl who likes to be held... who dosn't care if it's exspensive....It's the thought that truelly counts... It's the gift that comes from the heart that I truley love...I doubt many would understand what I mean but thats okay it's what makes me special.. Also I play an On-line game ( secondlife) and make clothes for my store in world " Totally Random)
and yes u can make rl money
Renee'

lost

I am Lost without you
Like a ship among a vast sea
you were my home my comfort my song
and you have left me alone

I feel our child move within my womb
while I pack your clothes from our room
the tears fall all day long hour after hour
i cry till it hurts even in my shower

how could you just throw four years away
when i made you my sunshine each and everyday
i held you while you cried
while you held in lies
I was your faithfull loving wife
while you carved up my heart with your double bladed knife
I have stood beside you against everyone
now your with her and i hope your having fun

I know someday that I will move on
and this pain that i feel will someday be gone
I pray for that day
when my love like yours will fade away
when i can someday replace you for somebody new
Someday I will do what you like to do.

Some more of my thoughts

I don't wanna find someone to just share my life with I wanna find that missing piece that will make my life complete.. I wanna find that person who makes me wake everyday not that person who makes me dread my very exsistence.. Its so hard to believe in soul mates... but I know deep deep down in my heart that I do.. I wanna find that person who when he touches me Its hard to breath and my heart climbs in my throat...(dosn­'t sound to good for your health does it) but I wan't it anyway.. I'm simple and things easilly amuse me... I want that person who I can talk to easilly and not be ashamed of the way I'm feeling cause he knows me inside and out to him I am no mystery.I want him to be my lover and my bestfriend .I just can't exsplain in words sometimes...I hope everything is okay with you I'm just in one of those moods obviouslly

HERE WE GO MORE RAMBLING FROM YOURS TRULEY

Love where can you be

Love where can you be
Have I dreamt you out of nothing
or is there someone out there meant for just me

Is that man searching every possibility
or has he settled for someone not destined to see

See the man who shines with a light good and pure
Does she lie beside my love and know hes not sure

Sure that shes the one he feels and aches for
Knowing that Im out there and will give him more

Does he exsist or have I just imagined him
My hope is fading becoming dim

I look for you everywhere in a sea of faces
Wondering where you been in what city or places

Could you hear my heart singing out to you in the rain
Or was it unnessary and all in vain..

I dreamt I was a puzzle with a missing piece
but I woke my head hurt and I gritted my teeth

I wonder how god could be so spiteful
but questioning my faith made me feel pitiful

I wonder if at night we really meet in our dreams
as our flickering thoughts dance along moon beams.

Our am I living in a world of Fantasy
and still I keep asking where Love can be

Your day

You scream I'm lazy
as you shower and dry with a towel I have placed for you
You scream I do nothing
As you dress in a shirt I have washed and hung for you
You scream I'm a bitch
As you place on socks fresh from your drawer
You scream I'm lazy
as you eat the breakfast I have prepared..
You scream I do nothing
as I run to the store for your chew
you scream I'm a bitch
when I claim I'm tired..

Easy button

You shower ... and have all your toiletries..AMAZING...you dry with a fresh cleam towel....Shocking...you go to your closet..pants and shirts hung with care...You go to the dresser socks and underwear almost always there...you are hungry and food is prepared for you..
must be nice...but yet you complain when a kid leaves a print or about toys in the hall..Yes you work..but most men do.. you say I'm lazy that I do nothing to

Must be nice to have that EASY button like you do.
But that Easy button you have is me.. Can't you see
Or are you blind... has your sight gone the way
of our love to.. Your so angry who are you.
I scream loudlly into the dark night
bring back the man I love I live with a stranger
someone with the face that I held within my heart
but a soul as black as the darkest silient night..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know I'm so angry and my words make no sense but real deep down pain usually doesn't

I dug my grave when I said I do
I do what hurt and bleed with every unkind hurtful thing you say
I do love you
but what has loving you got me
children who are afraid to tell you how they feel
I do need you
but what has needing you got me besides headaches and heartaches when you don't come home
I do want you
But you have lied and cheated and I don't wan't what all the others gave you..
For anyone who reads This blabber I apologise I needed an outlet

I write
because the emotions I feel overflow me like a cup to the brim
I write
because to realease this feeling into the night
I write
So someone can feel my silient screaming
I write
So my words can exspress the tormenting darkness within my soul
I write
So you know as you read The pain within my heart you will also know
I write
Because big girls don't cry.
I write
because I am am fragile and if I do not I shall shatter...

I don't know what I'ld call this me just ranting I guess
I scream I weep inside down deep
I scream I weep and no one hears

what would it be like to live in a home where your not called bitch atleast once a day..
What would it be like to live in a home
where he dosn't call you pig when he will leave plates all over the house. what would it be like to live in a home where he holds you like you were more precious then anything he owns..
what would it be like to live in a home where I love you means something.I scream silientlly into the night I scream but no one hears.. I hear the hatefull words as I do his dishes and hang his clothes.. He promished to love honor and cherish
Where are the promises like to honor is bitch fat ass cunt... Honor ? ... Where is to love is it when he says I hate you...where is to cherish when he stays out all night spending all the money to drink.. ... Does love equal tears..

I scream I weep inside down deep
I scream I weep and noone hears
and wonder what would it be like to live in a home where Love rules all
More of my ramblings
Growing up with an alcoholic father and then marrying one I wrote this..

daddy please stop yelling
your driving me insane
daddy please stop screaming
your tearing up my brain
Your words burn like fire tearing up my heart
I wanna start screaming starting to fall apart

So ill grab a knife cut slash Ill end my life
Better dead then here
Come on daddy have another beer
I vowed to love you all my life
You and a preacher I became your wife
The vows I made I hold true
But your so angry who are you
where is the man who looked at at me with a smile
i look within you and see
emptiness mile after mile
So ill grab a knife cut slash Ill end my life
Better dead then here
Come on daddy have another beer
Where is the love ..
Just tell a lie
I'm so cold and Jim so alone
No place no one to call my own
So ill grab a knife
a slip
a drip
there goes my life
better dead then here and beside me husband
Theres your beer

This is my more Sensual side

The sheets rustle as You move near...
Whispering I Want you in a silky ear
....our bodies are close
our hearts beat as one.
I beg it not to end wishing I could hold back the sun..
I lick the salty taste from your skin.
I feel your body throbbing
Inside me deep within
My hearts racing fast within my chest
do you feel it
while your hand is caressing my breast?
Your hands touch me..
I feel like I am home.
Then I wake and I am once again alone
Should I cry at the unfairness of this fantasy
No because soon you'll come to me

-----------------------------------------

My more melacholy side__

--------Beautiful one----------

Ohh dearest Love how much you mean to me
A truer friend could never be
My love for you grows more everyday
I'm lost on what to do or what to say

Your smile warms my heart your laugh heals my soul
but I know beautiful one that I have to let you go

the tears they fall hour after hour
I cry all day long even during my shower
Once I had known your kiss
you called me baby girl
This I miss
your smile warms my heart
your laugh heals my soul but I
Know beautiful one that I have to let you go

your arms once held me tight
You loved me long into the night
I didn't want to hurt you or to hold you back
you need someone like you and this I lack

Your smile warms my heart
your laugh heals my soul but I
Know beautiful one that I have to let you go

but Ill meet you in my dreams
and there I'll hold you tight
Time will pass and I'll grow old
And someday my body it will grow cold..

but my darling you shall forever go on in my heart
even though things and miles keep us apart.

Your smile warms my heart
your laugh heals my soul but I
Know beautiful one that I have to let you go
And Someday I beg God to grant me this final wish

That you will love me again and my lips you would kiss
please baby don't hate me but love me as I love you maybe I'm scared baby for me and for you think I only did this for me
Don't believe it baby someday you'll see
Although I know
Your smile warms my heart
your laugh heals my soul but I
Know beautiful one that I have to let you go..

Sometimes love isn't enough and this is why I wrote this

-----HERE COMES THE RAIN------

There is a hole way down deep
if I let you fill it all my secrets would you keep.
would you whisper sweet nothings in my ear
would you push me away or
pull me near
cause I've been hurt .I've stood In the rain
Cried tears of sadness hurt and pain..

Disillusions have colored my world black..
would you give me your love
then take it back
OR
would you be my friend and lover
The next day lie then love another..

cause I've been hurt .I've stood In the rain
Cried tears of sadness hurt and pain..

Disillusions have colored my world black..
would you give me your love
then take it back
OR

could you brighten up my world with loving everyday
or will you say harsh words and chase it all away

OR
Could you chase away the hurt and pain
could you love me so ill never feel this way again...
cause I've been hurt .I've stood In the rain
Cried tears of sadness hurt and pain..

Disillusions have colored my world black..
would you give me your love
then take it back///
My heart says love you
My brain says no
I know its to late I cant let you go
and once again here comes the rain
I'm over Sexed and underpaid.

My favorite singer is Jason Mraz.... he's the man but I really love that Jason Aldean song WHY.( because i have heard the real life version over and over for 8 years).. and poison's Talk dirty to me well anything Poison.... And Pink would be my all time fav girl singer....
I find My Heart Logged in my throat when I watch MCR's I dont love you something about his face just gets me...
I'm a vouraciuos( i bet I misspelled that) reader I'm On a sci-fi kick atm all I can say is thanks e-bay I buy books by the box load.
J'tadore Musiq. I love to sing just about anything I used to sing on this online thing but do to the fact I live in the mountains and have to have satellite net theres a second delay between me and the music not the best ive ever done.

1) My god ( sorry but I believe and know he's with me)
2) My children ( They are my heart and soul)
3) Love
4) Music *to sing to praise to)
%) Family ( im a momma gramma girl.
6 My life obviouslly ild be dead and this wouldnt matter would it

I write poetry sometimes.. Sometimes I write short stories sometimes I sing... and sometimes I work in adobe or cook or clean or hang laundry a million things..
My Dreams They are also complicated... I'm very artistic... and I'm an old soul... I'm very laid back... and as long as I'm treated like an equal I will always have your back...I'm the kind of girl who likes to be held... who does not care if it's exspensive....It's the thought that trully counts... It's the gift that comes from the heart that I truelly love...I doubt many would understand what I mean but that is okay it's what makes me special.. Renee'

either on the pc outside reading working in sl
drawing writing
cooking
cleaning
hanging someones clothes
or grabbing a shower

I search for your face in everyone I see.. At night I feel your warm breath alive in my dreams. At night you hold me tight.. I wake and you are gone just a brief thought in the back of my mind.. I look for you everywhere where can you be.. I know you are real.. My soul my half the one that sees the real me.

You know at all what any of this feels like, or if you just want to.

Editors

• Rithane