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34 M Waltham, MA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 6:40pm
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Not at all
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Libra, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
English (Fluently), French (Fluently), German (Poorly), Italian (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I can tell you that I am a world of paradoxes and contradictions. I'm very old-fashioned in some ways, but also very progressive and liberal in my thought. I spend the bulk of my life practicing a form of art that hasn't changed a lot in over a century, but I'm quite keen on modern technology.

I used to live in my head, my head rules my heart, at least most of the time. But it gets lonely up there. I'm looking for someone who, when I come down to the real world, would like to share parts of it with me.

I am interested in developing a relationship. Most successful partners are also really good friends, or so I believe. I make no moral judgments against polyamory, but I am not interested in that type of relationship myself.

My personality type according to Meyers-Briggs is INFJ.

I'm actually a nice person. Yes, I am more than capable of being a jerk, and if you hit me with some snarky, irrational comment, I am very likely to throw it right back at you so that you know that I am not taking bull from anyone. I've taken plenty of it and it took me until I was about 25 to realize that people really ought to treat me like an adult, and if they don't I need to be more assertive and demand it. Despite this, the core of how I want to be treated is respect. I'll listen to you and do everything I can, please return that courtesy, at least some.


Since OkCupid doesn't give this as a category, I'm adding my own. I'm looking for someone who is looking to be an equal part of an ideally long-term relationship with me, who doesn't see either of us as substantially more important or more entitled than the other. I'm looking for someone to love who will love me back, who will face me and hold me as often as I do the same to them. I'm looking for someone who will tell me the truth, even if it's difficult. I will always do the same for you; I hate passive-aggressiveness. I'm looking for someone reliable and faithful, who for the duration of the time that we spend together will invest themselves in our relationship. While I'm at it, apparently I should say that I believe in leprechauns, fairies, and brownies that make you lose weight. I'm not usually an optimist, but I know that there must be someone out there who feels similarly to how I do.

I am gently sensitive, highly quixotic, and musical to a fault.
What I’m doing with my life
I have the luxury of options in my life. I know that I am very, very fortunate in this regard. Among other things, it allows me to pursue my art and passion full time.

I'm a professional classical musician, keyboards, wind instruments and voice, and a teacher. It's not the most reliable of jobs but it's been slowly building over the past few years. My anchor job is as organist and music director of a UCC congregation (though I do not actually subscribe to any particular faith). I've been there six years and have no plans of leaving anytime soon. I also teach with a couple of voice teachers and free-lance with a number of orchestras and choruses throughout the area. Some are informal while others give me a chance to dust off my white tie and tails.
I’m really good at
Playing the piano, harpsichord, organ, oboe, oboe d'amore, English horn, bassoon, contrabassoon, timpani, percussion, and singing. Perhaps someday I shall be a great conductor; I have conducted opera as well as choral music and people tell me that I'm good at it. I'm also a passable violist and renaissance musician. If you know what a dulcian, krummhorn, pardessus de viole or garklein is, please message me as we're a dying breed! If you own a Heckelphone, I will probably marry you.

I'm also relatively domestic. I can cook and bake, fix things around the house, paint the trim, stuff like that. They aren't my favorite things to do all the time, but I have the ability to be self-sufficient in that way. I also can sew and have made my first pieces of medieval garb for SCA events.

Oh yes, I've been known to write creative erotic fiction from time to time.
The first things people usually notice about me
People frequently HEAR me long before they SEE me. With all of those instruments plus my voice, I tend to make a lot of noise. I wouldn't call it "noise" myself but it can be loud.

Physically, my hair and facial hair. Head hair is really long, almost always in a ponytail. Then usually my boots, since they don't go with the rest of me. I wear nice, fairly conservative jackets and ties, and black Spanish New Rock leather boots with silver heels.

I've been told that I'm severe at times and difficult to approach. It's probably because I'm a fairly nervous person and that I often put on a very professional façade since many people see me when I'm working. I have a great deal of respect for my work and usually wear jackets and ties or turtlenecks, with my boots, trench coat, and hat. But I'm not nearly as reserved as I appear. I'm a very passionate person when it comes to people and things that I care about. I've been told that I'm a giving person and supportive as well, and many people say that they feel calm around me. Not to mention, there's a dark side to me, a fiercely irreverent side, and a side that likes things that other sides of me think I shouldn't admit in as public a forum as this.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Poetry of T.S. Eliot, Wilfred Owen, Allen Ginsberg, Harry Potter (the UK printings), Lord of The Rings, scholarly editions of classical literature, treatises on harmony, online articles on rare instruments, things that definitely qualify me as a geek. I went to a very tiny liberal arts high school that had me reading great books from Aristotle to Zola, so I've at least read part of a lot of literature. I also like to read in the original language if I can, especially French but also some German.

Movies: Sabrina (the original version with Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart), The Competition, Slumdog Millionaire, Fantasia, Fantasia 2000, videos of opera and ballet productions and concerts, and really REALLY bad horror or sci-fi movies. You know, the kinds where you can see the strings.

Music (classical): Bach (J.S., C.P.E., W.F., J.C., J.M.), Beethoven, Bellini, Bizet, Brahms, Britten, Charpentier, Chopin, Donizetti, Dowland, Elgar, Fauré, Handel, Isaac, Josquin, Mahler, Mendelssohn, Messiaen, Monteverdi, Mozart, Puccini, Ravel, Rossini, Schoenberg, Schubert, Schütz, Schumann, Shostakovich, Strauss, Stravinsky, Sullivan, Tchaikovsky, Verdi, Wagner.

Music (non-classical): Jazz, Torch Songs (especially Ella Fitzgerald, Judy Garland [yes, I'm gay], Billie Holiday, Lena Horne, Sarah Vaughan), Broadway (mostly before 1970), folk (Simon & Garfunkel, Bob Dylan). Really bad Euro-pop in broken English. Essentially anything if it's done well. I have a friend who was for a long time a reviewer for a music magazine and he'd tell me "you have to listen to this" for things that were really good. Even if it wasn't in my preferred aesthetic, I could still appreciate that it was put together and played well. Even country sometimes!

Food: I have a soft spot for anyone who likes to go out to a different type of restaurant every night. I went to school in Waltham and live there now, and Moody Street is like a dream. Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Thai, tapas, some of the best Italian in the state... I am a very happy eater. Good French food is also something very special. The French have a passion for their food like they do for their art, music, and love (or so I'm told).

I also like to cook, especially with a friend.
The six things I could never do without
My piano and many of my other instruments - they open my soul to the world, and the world to my soul.

My computer - it opens more mundane things to me.

My music collection, both print and CD.

A few good friends.

A good place to eat.

A safe place to be, and a person with whom to feel safe. It's pretty clear I can do without the someone, since I've only experienced it for brief periods, but that doesn't mean that I don't want it more than air sometimes. A man that will come and see me when I'm down, hold me softly in his arms and kiss me, stroke my hair, tell me that it's alright even when I feel like it's not, and one who I will believe when he says that everything will be okay.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
As I said, I live in my head, and it gets crowded up there! Recently I discovered that I'm not so inhuman after all, and after the initial shock wore off, I feel like I've transformed into a real boy.

Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? (My conclusion is yes).
On a typical Friday night I am
Probably either playing a concert somewhere or sleeping because I need to play a concert the next day and then a service on Sunday. Practicing some instrument or going through arias. But sometimes this varies, and I would love it if it could include less sitting around going online, wishing I had somebody to hang out with more often.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Aren't private things private? And isn't this public? Fine, fine...

I cheated on a spelling test in second grade; I went out of the classroom to "use the bathroom" and looked up a word in a dictionary in the classroom next door. Even then I couldn't keep it in and I told the teacher after about 10 minutes.
I’m looking for
  • Gay guys only
  • Ages 21–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
If you don't mind a little off-the-wall conversation.

If your idea of a good afternoon is a pot of tea and a good opera recording.

If you would like a hug. I love hugs.

If the humor should strike you to use AIM, my display name is blackicetrafalgr. It comes from an old role-playing game. I'm not a total gamer geek or anything, just a creative mind looking for outlets.