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MattGardens

26 M San Francisco, CA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 9:03am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Thin
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Other, and very serious about it
Sign
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
I live like a monk that goes clubbing instead of lighting himself on fire. I fast for fun, follow the Travis Bickle home fitness regimen and drink kale. I also recently took a two-month vacation to Vegas.

If you ignore homeless people as a rule and not an exception, I'm not interested in knowing you. Not bluffing.
What I’m doing with my life
Studying Deepak Chopra so that I can destroy him one day.
I’m really good at
Deterring apex predators.
The first things people usually notice about me
Eyes the color of dolphin tears (of joy).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Jack London, John Steinbeck, Thomas Mann, Emile Zola, James Baldwin, Slavoj Zizek, everything Werner Herzog has ever done, Step Brothers, Peep Show, Rammstein, Laibach, The Crystal Method, The Prodigy, Morrissey against my better judgment, fruit and vegetables.
The six things I could never do without
- Magic everywhere in this bitch
- Time to write
- An audience
- Wildlife
- Left boob
- Right boob
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why women are all like, "Nee nee nee nee!" And guys are all like, "Hurr durr hurr hurr durr!"
On a typical Friday night I am
Onstage or at a place where they play that "I don't care" song that I love hearing over and over and over and over and over.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You're not pretending to be a Tom Waits necro-siren and/or French.

You can identify jokes in the wild.

You've never written the string "bahahahaha..."