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MattieDastardly

41 Portland, OR Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 30–55
  • Near me
  • For short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 4:38am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Virgo, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Dropped out of two-year college
Job
Other
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
12-20- Disappeared off line for a couple months (busy boy) but now have returned!

"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass"- David Lee Roth.

"The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows."- Frank Zappa

Sums it up nicely, I think. Hi Y'all! I'm here to make friends (yes seriously), network with people, get to know ya, dating, fooling around, general anarchy, possibly more, yada yada yada... It's why most of us signed up, I would like to believe.

I think I'm upfront in how I present myself- what you see is what you get. That said, what you get is a sweet and handsome aging bachelor with a capacity for limited intellectual conversation and a flair for the comical. I've been told that I make for a great set of ears on boring, lonely nights. I've also been told that there's other things to do on boring, lonely nights.

I also admit that I'm not as outdoorsy, artistic, or super motivated as a lot of people claim to be and perhaps are. I bike instead of drive and I'm not the type of person who views their job as a career or an extension of their personality. I'm not saying that I've given up trying to improve myself, but I know who I am and the things I expect from life. I am a gamer, a bookworm, a listmaker and comedian at heart. My idea of outdoor activity is a good long hike, sometimes with frisbees to hurl them at poles. I'm not particularly looking to travel the world or learning to speak Swahili, although I wouldn't be adverse. I'm just a city guy, looking for a city girl to do shots and go see a show with, a friend to play board games and share a bong with, or a lady who looks forward to cuddling on the couch and watching horrible movies together. Dull, perhaps, but I learned a long time ago that excitement will seek you out whether you like it or not.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
"All I do is dick around... The sun goes up the sun goes down.
The leaves turn green the leaves turn brown and all I do is dick around"- Sparks

I live simply and don't demand much and lo!- most of my dreams have been fulfilled. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I have a loving family and quality friends who care whether or not they see me. I have a steady if non-glamorous job and the ability to have fun when I can. If these dreams seem pedestrian to you, then perhaps I am not the droid that you are looking for.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
making people laugh and making mixtapes. Don't tell me it's the Spotify generation- I'll still make a mixtape (fine- CD) that'll rock the house!!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My vestigial tail? My purple and orange Zubaz? My flowing curly blonde locks? Actually it's likely my irritating irreverence, although I have been recently informed of my stump-like personality. Timber!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I don't suppose I have to make all these lists but I enjoy it too much, so skim or skip as you prefer...

Books: Geek Love, Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell, Trick Baby, Motherless Brooklyn, Blindness, Cryptonomicon, A Confederacy of Dunces, Vernon God Little, Robert Parker's Spenser series, Tony Hillerman's Chee/ Leaphorn mysteries, Tolkien, Jordan, Adams, Robbins, Rowling, Twain... so much more.

Movies: Guardians of the Galaxy, Young Frankenstein, Pee-Wees Big Adventure, American Beauty, Gran Torino, Tropic Thunder, Airplane!, What About Bob?, Finding Nemo, Harold and Maude, The Warriors... so much more

TV: Mystery Science Theater 3000, Walking Dead, Rockford Files, Deadwood, Family Guy, Metalocalypse, Breaking Bad, Sanford and Son, Frasier, American Pickers, WWE, NFL, The Simpsons.... so much more

Music: Devo, Butthole Surfers, Laurie Anderson, The Dickies, Die Antwoord, Reverend Horton Heat, Diamond Dave-era Van Halen, System of a Down, Talking Heads, Ice Cube, Sly and the Family Stone, Spirit, Elastica, Soundgarden, Hank Williams III, Tom Waits, Roy Orbison, Suicidal Tendencies, L7, The Pixies, Beck, Weird Al, Junior Brown, Metallica, Django Reinhardt, Frank Zappa and the Mothers... SO MUCH MORE!!

Food: Poutine. With sausage gravy. I'm what they call a picky eater or as some people say "big pain in the ass".
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Chicken as food. Beef and swine could go from my diet, but chickens are my arch-nemeses and are meant to be eaten.
2. Respectful tasteless comedy (think celebrity roasts). My family has been instructed to find songs appropriate to the way I die and play them at my funeral, when it occurs.
3. Being contrary. It may be grating to some, but it's how I learn perspective. Or maybe it isn't.
4. Gaming. Board games, video games, crossword puzzles, sports... I am willing to wager that I'm always fond of a game.
5. List-making. I don't know why I love it but I could probably list the ways.
6. My libido. I have to live without the act, of course, but when the desire is gone then it's gonna be a dark day (perhaps joyous for the ladies though as we all need rest sometime).
7. The ability to count. Wait.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
the wrong things at the right time. Hence, comedy is born. Also since I'm a guy I'm genetically and contractually obligated to say sex. So, sex.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Making a list, playing a game, drinking beer at the tavern, working. Exciting enough? No? Then I'm on my private jet to Bermuda, drinking mai tais and getting tan. It's fun to choose your own adventure.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I really like the band N'Sync. My favorite member is Harpo. If there isn't a Harpo, then there should be.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you have a top ten list of something and want to share it.
you read the headline regarding a mass awareness of a certain avian variety.
you know your way around a joke.
you know that the best thing to have with beer is another beer.
you disagree and say it's whiskey.
you like to make fun of movies you have seen before as you watch them or you like to make up your own lyrics to songs you have heard before as you hear them.
you have made it this far... you're almost there.
you don't know how to operate a keyboard, although how you'll do so is a mystery to me.
you actually want to chat... I'm a reasonably friendly fella.
you are a pop culture aficionado. We'll have lots to discuss.

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