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42 Portland, OR Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 30–55
  • Near me
  • For short-term dating

My details

Last online
Oct 3
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
5' 10" (1.78m)
Body Type
Other and laughing about it
Dropped out of Two-year college
Might want kids
Has cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"I used to go jogging, but the ice cubes kept falling out of the glass"- David Lee Roth

"If you can't beat them arrange to have them beaten"- George Carlin

Hi Y'all! I'm here to make friends (yes seriously), network with people, get to know ya, dating, fooling around, general anarchy, possibly more. It's why most of us signed up, I would like to believe.

I think I'm up front in how I present myself- what you see is what you get. That said, what you get is a sweet and handsome aging bachelor with a capacity for limited intellectual conversation and a flair for the comical. I've been told that I make for a great set of ears on boring, lonely nights.

I also admit that I'm not as outdoorsy, artistic, or super motivated as a lot of people claim to be and perhaps are. I bike instead of drive and I'm not the type of person who views their job as a career or an extension of their personality. I'm not saying that I've given up trying to improve myself. I know who I am and the things I expect from life. I am a gamer, a bookworm, a listmaker and comedian at heart. My idea of outdoor activity is a good long hike through the city simply to see what I can find. I'm not particularly looking to travel the world or learning to speak Swahili, although I wouldn't be adverse. I'm just a city guy, looking for a city girl to do shots and go see a show with, a friend to play board games and share a bong with, or a lady who looks forward to cuddling on the couch and watching horrible movies together. Dull, perhaps, but I learned a long time ago that excitement will seek you out whether you like it or not.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
"All I do is dick around... The sun goes up the sun goes down.
The leaves turn green the leaves turn brown and all I do is dick around"- Sparks

I live simply and don't demand much and lo and behold- most of my dreams have been fulfilled. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I have a loving family and quality friends who care whether or not they see me. I have a couple of steady if non-glamorous jobs and the ability to have fun when I can. If these dreams seem pedestrian to you, then perhaps I am not the droid that you are looking for.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
making people laugh and making mixtapes. Don't tell me it's the Spotify generation- I'll still make a mixtape (fine- CD) that'll rock the house!!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My vestigial tail? My disdain for fashion? My flowing curly blonde locks? Actually it's likely my irritating irreverence, although I have been recently informed of my stump-like personality. Timber!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I don't suppose I have to make all these lists but I enjoy it too much, so skim or skip as you prefer...

Books: Geek Love, Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell, Trick Baby, Motherless Brooklyn, Blindness, Cryptonomicon, A Confederacy of Dunces, Vernon God Little, Robert Parker's Spenser series, Tony Hillerman's Chee/ Leaphorn mysteries, Tolkien, Jordan, Adams, Robbins, Rowling, Twain... so much more.

Movies: The Lone Ranger, Guardians of the Galaxy, Young Frankenstein, Pee-Wees Big Adventure, American Beauty, Gran Torino, Tropic Thunder, Airplane!, What About Bob?, Finding Nemo, Harold and Maude, The Warriors... so much more

TV: True Detective, Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Walking Dead, Rockford Files, Deadwood, Cleveland Show, Metalocalypse, Breaking Bad, Sanford and Son, Frasier, American Pickers, WWE, NFL, The Simpsons.... so much more

Music: Devo, Butthole Surfers, Laurie Anderson, The Dickies, Die Antwoord, The Bonzo Dog Band, Reverend Horton Heat, Diamond Dave-era Van Halen, System of a Down, Talking Heads, Ice Cube, Sly and the Family Stone, Spirit, Elastica, Soundgarden, Hank Williams III, Tom Waits, Roy Orbison, Suicidal Tendencies, L7, The Pixies, Beck, Weird Al, Junior Brown, Metallica, Django Reinhardt, Frank Zappa and the Mothers... SO MUCH MORE!!

Food: Poutine. With sausage gravy. I'm what they call a picky eater or as some people say "big pain in the ass".
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Chicken as food. Beef and swine could go from my diet, but chickens are my arch-nemeses and are meant to be eaten. They know what they did.

2. Music. Love going out to see live music or just bopping around the house to the boom box.

3. Marijuana. If weed's not your choice, that's cool. But it most certainly is mine and I have no plans on changing that, so adjust your interest accordingly.

4. Gaming. Board games, video games, crossword puzzles, sports... I am willing to wager that I'm always fond of a game.

5. Comedy. A good comedian to me is akin to a virtuoso musician or operatic diva. Which is to say they cost a lot to go see.

6. Sex (see Comedy). Someone's usually laughing, and sometimes its me.

7. The ability to count. Wait.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
the wrong things at the right time. Hence, comedy is born. Also since I'm a guy I'm genetically and contractually obligated to say sex. So, sex.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
probably pretty boring actually. I like to relax at home, ya know.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Even with a somewhat warped sense of humor, I'm not fond of needlessly disgusting horror films. Especially the modern crop of ultra-sadistic torture stuff... if I wanted to see torture I'd spend Thanksgiving with my family.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you aren't a jerk- don't know why I never thought to add this rule before!!
you read the headline regarding a mass awareness of a certain avian variety.
you know that the best thing to have with beer is another beer.
you disagree and say it's whiskey.
you like to make fun of movies as you watch them or you like to make up your own lyrics to songs as you hear them.
you know what a meeple is.
you have made it this far... you're almost there.
you don't know how to operate a keyboard, although how you'll do so is a mystery to me.