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MaxTheCarpenter

29 M Brooklyn, NY

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 11:06am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Gemini, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Construction
Income
$50,000–$60,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
"Nobody who knows what they're talking about answers their own rhetorical questions"

One time, when I was ten, I decided to write "don't read this" on the bathroom wall of my school. Once it was written, I immediately started laughing hysterically, because I felt that this was the most clever and funny thing I had ever done. I still feel this way.

Sometimes I ride the bus for no reason. It's amazing for people watching, and people are waaaaay less likely to talk to you on the bus. I think it's a zen thing for me, it's really relaxing.

I'm sure that, from a clinical standpoint at least, I'm completely out of my fucking mind.

I'm a fabricator (that means I make things) and I am in love with it. I've been at it for almost ten years and have no intention of stopping any time soon, building and creating things is the most rewarding thing I've ever had in my life. The one drawback from this is that all of my clothes are "work clothes". However work almost never feels like work to me, I love learning and problem solving. My grandmother has had a greater influence on me than anyone in history. I'm a retired punk rocker who refuses to give up the jacket. I am heavily tattooed and will not stop until I'm out of room (besides the face....., probably) i listen to music voraciously. I own five guitars, i desperately want another motorcycle, except this time i want to build it myself from the ground up. I am a hockey fanatic but in no way a "sports guy", all other sports are stupid except air guitar and Star Wars. I am a serious smart ass. i give people the finger all the time (my mother included). I'm very difficult to argue with (because I'm better than you at it ) and my spirit animal is whiskey.

I don't know what I'm doing here, I can't really say that I expect anything out of ok Cupid other than the satisfaction of my curiosity.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to avoid my doppelganger. Striving to be a better person. Learn as much as I can.
I’m really good at
scrabble. high fives. Whiskey. Losing my phone, wallet, and keys simultaneously.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I have tattoos. Or I might not be dressed properly. I make inappropriate jokes. My internal dialogue frequently causes me to start laughing out loud at random. I have a really powerful handshake. The super observant ones catch the split tongue immediately. (Of course I mentioned that on purpose, let's be real)
Also I have a beard now.
Scratch that, I don't anymore, I shaved. Wait, Now i have sideburns.
Aaaaand I have a Beard again.
Still have a beard. Significantly longer that it was when I wrote the previous sentence about having a beard.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
TV is stupid.

I'm a total bagel snob. Pizza too.

I'll listen to any music that sounds good to me. As far as I'm concerned music (not lyrics) is just sounds arranged to a pattern and pace. There's too many to list so I'll just say that lately I've been really into 90's hip hop, dubstep, and classical guitar.

Update: still classical guitar, not so much dubstep anymore, wu tang is clearly the shit.
The six things I could never do without
My headphones,
Jameson,
my tape measurer,
tattooing,
my zippo
my flask
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Which thing I should put in which pocket.

What a bummer OKCupid is in so many ways.

What I'm going to do when I run out of space for tattoos

Power tools.

Swimming pools.

Disassembling and reassembling things.

Accidentally viewing your profile twice... almost feels like a game of minesweeper

The super exploder
On a typical Friday night I am
The Super Exploder
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
One time on a family vacation I was arrested for graffiti at a fucking rock quarry.

I spend entirely too much time contemplating what people think of me while simultaneously ignoring it completely.

I have gigantic feet for a guy my size

Recently, I've committed myself to never using the delete key while on okcupid (with the exception of spelling errors). If my messages seem long winded, awkward, strange, or fragmented, this is the reason, and i apologize. My vernacular changes drastically between speaking and writing. Speaking involves a lot more swearing I think. Don't ask me why I did this, I just decided to.

I peed on your toilet seat.
But not really though. That just made me laugh.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–32
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
If your OKC name is a zombie reference.

Whiskey is a crucial part of your life.

If you share an enthusiasm for silly or weird tattoos.

You don't see tattooed dudes as some sort of novelty.

if you like hockey or robots.

You want to learn how to build things.

You play pool (optional).

You like exploring at random.

Bags of money

If your message is awesome