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28 Chicago, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 22–34
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 7:21pm
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Graduated from university
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), C++ (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), Japanese (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I hate this site and everyone on it.
"But Max you are on this site as well"
Yes I know that is the joke.

Also there's this:

Let's boil it down to the basics:
I make video games.
I brew beer.
I play drums.
I like to camp.
Card and board games are my jam.

I try not to be a horrible person, but the Internet does that to people. So I apologize and hope you don't take the stupid things I do personally.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Careers are weird. I'm really good at doing tech work (specifically maintaining Linux-based operating systems) but it feels like the easy way out somehow. But I think I'd make a really good farmer for some reason. Or a brewer. Or some other manual-labor job.
Currently though I am doing the former, making money by doing tech work for a video game company.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I know lots of things.
1. Letters
2. Triangles
3. Mondays
4. The Civil War
Cooking without recipes, driving directions, keeping the sink free of dishes, keeping rhythm while dancing horribly, walking everywhere.
I'm also probably the best Euchre player outside of Michigan. So I'm like one millionth overall.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"You don't look as fat as your pictures make you look!" - actual thing someone told me recently.
Mothers frequently request me as a dancing partner.
I shaved off all the hair on my face because hair is too much work.
My sister and I have what our father calls, "Jonah Toes," which if you know what that means you should message me right away.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I have not read a book in over a month and I am obviously a bad person for it. I used to read on the train but I no longer take a train to work so I no longer have free time. Logic.

My TV comes to me via Netflix, so I'm usually late to every TV party ever. There are a surprisingly large amount of said parties afoot. If you haven't seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt then what's wrong with you?

I could rattle off a bunch of band names - Coheed, Incubus, Mew - but I just listen to everything anyway, so here's my top 3 so far:
1) Rush
2) Miracles of Modern Science
3) Mae
Also I go through month-long moods where I really like one particular artist. This month is Slime GIrl.

Food: Spicy. I got a bottle of ghost pepper hot sauce and it kills me in a good way. I'm a big sushi fan, and love hot wings, but the way to my heart is a good taco. Also I could never do no-carb, low-carb, or anything where I didn't get to eat noodles.

I can't have caffeine. Which is a bummer because I really loved coffee. So, when getting coffee, I get hot chocolate. Like a nine year old.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. My family (aw how generic)
2. Jamming
3. Imgur
4. Mexican Food
6. Not wearing jeans
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Tom Landry's hat.
Good Cards Against Humanity combos.
Why I decided owning a record player is a good idea.
My roommates have a dog and cats; does that mean by extension, I have a dog and cats?
Wondering if I should get a bike or if I can get away with walking everywhere. I see at least one biker a week almost die, so it isn't very appealing so far.
When people have a full inbox and OKCupid asks me for a dollar to message someone. How do you let your inbox get that full? How does OKC justify charging people to promote laziness? Etc?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Drinking beers. Catching up on Netflix. Playing the games of the video or board variety. Peeing on castle-shaped buildings.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm on this site because I'm tired of going to weddings by myself.
I want to live in the middle of nowhere but with internet connection.
My digestive system is terrible at everything.
Glasses are sexy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If this is you:

Fair warning: my track record with this site is pretty poor. Hence the comment at the top.

You are bored and want someone to talk to about the most random things. Examples for discussion:
- Do pescetarians eat turtles or alligators?
- How do people fall asleep at the wheel?
- Wouldn't being a hobo be kind of exciting? (minus the starving and general danger to your well being)
- Why. in my dreams, does my mother insist I wear flannel before I chase after a drug cartel?
- Why is a gallon of milk more expensive than two gallons?
Also, anything involving beer, video games, and science.

If you want to go to La Pasadita for Taco Tuesdays because they have the best tacos ever, or Furious Spoon on Wednesday for amazing ramen and dollar beers.

If you know what zydeco is - you don't even have to like it, just knowing what it is is a good start.

If you are crazy enough to want to hang out in person do not ask me to pick somewhere to go. I am very bad at picking activities under any sort of pressure so I will say something boring like, "Go see a movie, and eat foods," or suggest a crazy person thing like, "Let's go to the Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin and play Pokemon TCG afterwards.