I am a fun, laidback man looking for same. I spend a lot of time enjoying the moment. If this moment were the last one ever did I make the best if it? If the answer is no then change is in order.
I am here to find a fun woman that can hold a good conversation. If you are just a pretty face that can not hold an intelligent conversation, then you need not read on. However, if you believe you enjoy late nights pondering over the abstract and are open minded, then you will enjoy my company.
If you are still interested in knowing more about me read my short story I wrote and if you can manage to read through it you will know quite a bit about me experiencing a single day in my life.
I was a different person back then, but a series of choices led me down a new path in life and the result was a new way of life and turned me into a better person.
Message me if interested. If not thanks for stopping by.
"The day I died"
I wonder why sometimes, the sky seems to rain down on everything, beautiful and ugly alike. Each and every person thinks that it is their own lives that matter the most, and it must be raining just to sadden their day more. Things are not what they seem to be anymore. Each passing year there is less and less certainty of what is going on and what will happen. There are times, those wondering thoughts come in to consciousness, that speculate where and when will the next evolution in human existence will happen. When will it? Why is it that progress is relative to the absorption of income? Each and every question leads to another question that just seems to go unanswered. Late at night is the time to think when nothing makes sense. If you wait till morning everything shrinks from relative to non-relative by the time the sun comes back over the horizon to shine down on a world that does not care. Coherently these are the rampaging thoughts that spin through and around my head on a minutely basis. I just wonder if there is any possible way o slow them down just enough to make sense of them or if I am doomed to continue this confusing quest blindly day in and day out.
I presume you are wondering just who the hell I am and what the hell I am talking about. Perhaps I should begin somewhere Resent, somewhere that will give you a hint as to where this story is going, and perhaps a bit of background to this rollercoaster road of a story-giving it some ground work for you to place your feet back down on when we are dizzy from the ride.
August 3rd 2003, was a normal day in my life. I would wake up with a slight hangover from drinking the night before. I was not a heavy drinker, but I did drink a lot and often. It was my day off after many back to back days at work without even so much as a half day off. I decided, that I would start the day out proper, and crack open a bottle of beer to begin the curing process of a lingering hangover. I had a to-do list from hell that I had been putting off for ages, so I decided that I would get started on them. My roommate at the time decided to take the CB1-400, so I was using his CRV to run my errands. I liked using his vehicle to run errands but I preferred the open feel of my bike.
It just so happens that I also have a daughter that is barely 2 months old whom I have not seen in a few weeks. No, the mother who will go un-named for now was a BITCH!!! (Long story-I will fill you in later.) would not allow me to see my daughter, unless it fit into her schedule and totally conflicted with my schedule. Repeatedly I had attempted to arrange time to spend with my newborn daughter, but she would never allow me to visit unless I was giving something up that I really had to do on a day that I was totally busy with everything in the world crashing down unless I was there to hold it up. And like a sucker I would drop everything to run a-t the first chance I got to see my daughter.
Anyways, back to the story at hand. I had a whole list of thing s to do but none of them were dire enough that they could not be put off till a later date. I called her to arrange some time during the day to come out and visit JORDYN she insisted that she would be busy until the afternoon and it would possibly be late in the day before I could come out if at all, depending how she felt after her long day.
Frustrated beyond belief, because she knew this was my first day off in weeks and would be my only day off for another three to five weeks. Between two full-time jobs and 9 semester hours in college, I did not have a whole lot of free time. I grit my teeth and was as pleasant as I could be as to not piss her off and ruin any chance of visiting JORDYN today.
I proceeded to have another beer, and set about catching up on a mountain of to-dos that were still mounting as I thought of them and tried to write them down. I had less than 24 hours to accomplish what would take a normal sane man a week to do, all in one day. I had to relax and have a plan that I could drop once I told it to her and she suddenly had the time to allow the visit. (I'm not bitter, NOOOOoooo not at all.)
The primary goal on my agenda was to get the weed eater from my grandma's house and weed-whack the yard where I lived, which for the record you could have hidden a car in the grass and weeds that had grown. Laundry had been started, dishes had been done, the bathroom was clean, the calls were made, arrangements were made and dates were set. Ok, half the list done, time to get the weed-eater.
I drive out to Grandma's and retrieve the weed eater, wash her dishes, clean up the yard a bit from that damn mutt that drags all sort of trash out of god knows where, to the front of the yard and just tears it up. Ok, that was done I needed a few more things, ate lunch there and drank another beer to wash down the best roast beef, sandwich that I had eaten in a long time. A whopper of a sandwich, Double Decker fresh sliced roast beef, three slices to each layer, lettuce, tomatoes, onion, sharp cheddar cheese, pepper, salt, mayo, and of course, the large dill pickle accompanied by an ice cold beer, and a large handful of nacho chips. Man that was a good lunch!
Oh yeah the story, where was I, so I was done with lunch, feeling a bit lazy from lunch so I loaded the items I had come for in the first place into the CRV and drove back towards Pipe Creek. Needless to say that I was in Pipe Creek the whole time, but when you say that you are going up to Pipe Creek you are heading towards the blinking stoplight to a T-intersection with a restaurant at the cornet and a block before that is a gestation, which for all non intensive purposes, is what makes up this little town called Pipe-Creek, Texas. I am sure Steven King could come up with a great horror story about this little town in the middle of BFE.
It just so happens that one of my childhood friends live in this little town and had so for most of his adult life. He is about 3 or 4 years older than me but we got along great back then. Since then we had drifted apart but still remained fond of each other when I visited every other blue moon. Well I was in a pretty good mood and it had been quite a while since I had spoken to him, in fact his father had died during the time that we were not in touch and I came across this news from one of my other good friends. So being in the good mood that I was for the most part, good food on my stomach, and a cold beer was tempting to cause my mouth to salivate, I stopped at the EZ Mart for a 12pack of Bud Light.
I do not remember who was there behind the counter that day, but I do remember walking in with a bit of a smile on my lips and seeing this beautiful young woman standing at the counter waiting to pay for her beer, and she smiled at me when I walked in. Now I have to inform you, that in the lazy town of Pipe Creek, there are few truly drop dead gorgeous women that will be at a gas station in the middle of BFE buying beet on a hot sultry day wearing loosely-fitting, but perfectly complementing clothes on a body that would rival the beauty Greece and the gods they worshiped. Light fair skin that had been kissed lightly by the sun, just a bit tan with the touched hews of pink. Delicate nails that were natural and well kept one ring on the pinky finger of her right hand. The small wave of goose-flesh danced up her arm that had a touch of perspiration from the sultry day outside. The loosely draped spaghetti-straps to her shirt set on the outer curve of her shoulders, threatening to slip down her arms, even as one of them did she caught is mid descent and slowly pulled it back into place as our eyes met.
Sahara desert, at the break of dusk with the moon in the very far distance and the sun just set over the horizon, the blue of deepening blue, across the sky, touched by the tropical islands of ocean, that reveal the illusion of their depth by ever lightly kissed green colors, mixed their tones in this woman's eyes. Never before have I seen eyes like these. Never before and perhaps never again, but for one brief measure of time, I was locked inside of paradise to stare into these beautiful eyes.
I paused at the door, for ever so brief of a second, but was just enough to reveal every thought that was running through my head, like a billboard with bright flashing lights. She saw what I was thinking and smiled a cute little smile of complement and thanks for .Now I have to tell you, these were not just ordinary lips, not your run of the mill lips, not the average bear of a smile. Hummingbirds would slow the very essence of time, to savor a fraction of eternity kissing the very sweetness those lips invited they could give. Ecstasy has met its match when these lips kiss you, ever so thin but with plump curves to them, where they turn up just a bit at the corners. When they part ever so slightly as she looks down, perfect strait teeth gleam through the rose colored lips that begin to come back together now. Eyes raise back to meet mine which have now noticed that I am in the way of a person trying to get out the door that I am so completely blocking. What seemed like a fraction of a second was actually enough time to allow one person to be rung up and sent on his way that was hindered by me standing in the door like an idiot staring at this beautiful woman.
I flush and my face feels like it will burn right off my head. She gives a slightly-audible giggle and looks away. I proceed through the door making my apology to the man who is also smiling with a bit of a shake to his head. I walk down the isle totally blank to the reason I had even walked into the store in the first place. I watch this girl as inconspicuously as I can, as I try to figure just why the hell I was in the store and what exactly was I doing before my mind was erased like an Etch-o-sketch.
This girl drops out of the line and walks down the isle I am currently on, and I try to not allow her to know that I know she is walking down my isle. I grab a bag of chips and a thing of salsa, not that I was even a bit hungry, but I had to look like I was there for a reason. Flabbergasted and fluster, I turn around and she is not there, I turn around again and she is not behind me, she is no where to be seen, I look over the shelf to see if she is still in the store, and wouldn't you know it. She is right there in front of me on the other side of the shelf, staring right at me with that same little smile, looking dead into my eyes. Again, did I mention that I face felt like it was going to burn off my face from embracement? Well it did!
She looked back down and I of course turn around and stare at to beer cooler cursing myself for acting like a fool. AH, BEER, that is what I am in here for, my friends house, that is where I am going, AH, what the hell am I doing with these chips and salsa? Whatever, grab the beer, whoa there is the girls hand under mine gripping the handle to this door, her left hand and my right hand both on the handle, her pinky intertwined with my pinky and my thumb in-between her index and forefinger. Eyes meet again for the fourth perfectly pleasurable time today." Excuse me" but I do not let go right away, or at least is did not seem like I did, my total sense of time was blown to hell from the moment I laid eyes on this girl.
I let go of her hand and she pulls her hand away from the door, "allow me" I say, and open the door for her. She places her beer back into the cooler, and me trying to make small conversation I ask, "Change your mind?" "Yes", she says "I left my card at home" well what am I to do? Here is a beautiful woman that is so out of my league that it is not even funny, and I can think of nothing better to say than, "Allow me". I pick up the twelve pack of shiner she had and a twelve pack of bud light I was originally intending to get, and I begin to walk up to the counter. And she says "No, I couldn't possibly…" "No no, I insist, it is the lease I can do for being so rude. "Rude, how do you figure?" Well, ever since I walked into this place I have not been able to take my eyes off of you, and I do not even know you name, or if you are married, of have a boyfriend, or…" "No, I am not married, no I do not have a boyfriend, and my name is Sarah." "Well, then, Sarah, It is nice to meet you, my name is Thomas."
We proceed to have a relatively relaxed conversation about everything from weather to the colleges we go to, to life in general. Without knowing it we were in line and had paid for the items we had and were outside by her vehicle still talking before we realized an hour had passed. My arm suddenly realized that it had been holding two twelve packs of beer and two bags of stuff, for over an hour. Angry at me it decided to begin to cramp and tremble. She reached out and opened her car leaned in to get something out of the center console. My eyes followed her every movement and soon my arm forgot that it was carrying anything at all.
Silky legs ran up high to meet a perfectly petite butt, clad in shorts. Small tattoo on the lower portion of her back and perfectly exposed braless breast peered out from her shirt. I was in shock to see all of this and perhaps it showed on my face when she stood up with a pen and paper in her hand. "What?" she asked. I stuttered and spouted for a second, and then blurted out with the last thing I ever thought I would say to a woman. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever encountered, I have not been able to think strait since I walked into the store, and I still can not think strait now. All I know is that I would give anything in the world to be held by you for a second in front of a warm fire on a cold winter night, sipping coffee and listening to music, and kissing you till the sun came up."
I do not know if it was shock, that lit up on her face because I had the audacity to say that to her, or the look of impressed that I had the balls to say that to her. That is neither here nor there, but what I do know is that the pen and paper dropped from her hands and she stood there for what seemed like an eternity but was merely a few seconds. Then it was my turn to be shocked, she leaned forward and kissed me her lips pressed to my lips, soft sweet sultry and passionate. She pulls away, picks up the pen and paper, scribbles down a name and phone number, slips it into my breast pocket. She allows her hand to pause over my breast for just a moment and then slides it down my stomach before breaking contact. She takes the beer and one bag and places them into her car, closes the back door, comes back to me still standing in the same spot with the same look of shock and surprise. She kisses me on the cheek, whispers thank you in my ear and leaves. I am left there dumbfounded, and still holding my beer in the same arm that is now screaming at me to put it down.
I sit in the CRV looking at the people in the store who are coming and going, I must have sat there for the better part of an hour just rehashing what has just occurred over and over in my mind. I eventually come to terms with what just happened and start the engine, with a smirk on my face and a funny feeling in my stomach. Little did I know that that would be the last time I would ever see her again at least not the way that I was then.
I drove over to my friend's house where I sat with him for the better part of 3 hours talking and drinking. I decided to give it another try to call my x and ask for a visit with JORDYN. After about 30 minutes fighting with her, I gave up furious with her and wishing someone would just hurt her. I decided to leave and get back to my house and finish all the things that I set out to do. Upon returning to the house, my roommate was still not home and I was not happy about the fact that he still had the bike. All I wanted was to get out on the open road and ride till I calmed down. But that was not going to happen. So I drank another beer and went to work on the yard. The sun was about four hours from setting and my roommate returned home. We were supposed to go out to a party later, and I had also told my friend that I would come back by to visit a bit more after I finished with what I needed to do.
So I cleaned myself up the best I could and went to leave. BRIAN, my roommate, insisted three times that I take the CRV and not the bike. Now you have to understand, BRIAN never did this, never did he repeat himself when he suggested something. If you did not take his suggestion he did not re-offer it. Strange that he was so insistent that I not take the bike that day. But I wan not in the mood to drive the CRV; I wanted to blow off some steam riding and show off the bike to my friend. So I took the bike and left.
It was nice, the sun was still shining and the wind was rushing all around me, I had a nice buzz going on and I wanted to relax with my friend before going out to the party with BRIAN. I thought on the way there that I would invite SARAH out to the party when I got to my friend's house and go pick her up on the way to the party. Things couldn't seem better other than my x and her constant refusal to allow me to see my daughter.
I arrive at my friend's house just before dusk and I sit for awhile, before I call my x for one last shot at a visit. Needless to say she pissed me off again and I hung up on her for what I would have sworn at the time would be the last. Well, my friend invited me to stay there for the night, and I accepted, I was buzzed and a bit tired from a very eventful and emotionally rollercoaster like day. I told him that I would go out for a ride and be back. I even invited him to go for a ride with me, but he refused. Now this was strange because my friend would usually never refuse a quick thrill, but today, he did. "DING" does something smell fishy to you?
I got on the bike and drove down his dirt road at a faster speed than I should have. I almost lost control twice, which scared me a bit so I slowed the bike down. Reaching the blinking light in Pipe Creek, I opened her up and flew down the road. The sun was now over the horizon; dusk was fully setting in to allow the night to take over. It was quite, save for the sound of rushing wind around my helmet. I was pushing near 100mph when I got too close to the edge of the road, way to close for comfort, this had me scared shitless, so I let off the throttle and slowed to 65mph. my buzz was gone and my adrenaline as pumping hard.
I rode the next few miles out like this, and then reached my favorite part of coming home. There is a medium dip in the hiss right before a steep incline that curves before you reach the top where the road to my house was. As I approach the dip I have always opened up the throttle to max and gain the most speed possible before beginning the incline. Usually I could hit 100-115mph in this spot. This day I reached 107mph, as I began the climb. A white truck was in the left lane of the four lanes of Highway 16 to San Antonio, TX. I did not think much of it as I would be taking a right at the top of the hill.
I was crouched down on the bike to provide the least amount of wind resistance, my feet were on the riders back pegs, and my chest was lying on the gas tank of the bike. As I approached the truck on his right, the last thought that went through my head was," it would be bad if he veered over." What happened from there is history, but for the sake of the story I will tell you anyways.
I came up to his rear bumper, with my front tire in opposite lanes; His tires began to cross the dotted white lines separating his lane from mine. As a natural reaction, I went to compensate for the drift of his truck and his lack of him seeing me in the other lane, I moved away from his truck which was close enough to me for me to lean over and kiss the rear fender. Keep I mind that we are on a hill, at speeds in excess of 75mph, and the road is curving to the left. There is very little time to react at those speeds, and there is so much sensory perception and information to process all in a short fraction of time when riding on a bike, that perhaps no one was really at fault or both of us were to blame. No one ever really knows or ever will.
My bike sideswiped the guardrail, and being that my legs were riding high on the rear spokes, my leg was not crushed as fortunate as that sounds, it is not, the impact into the guardrail was strong enough to throw my right leg out over the guardrail. A tall galvanized pole that are used to hold the reflectors above the rail to signal motorist smashed into the shinbone of my right leg, shattering it instantly. At the speed by which I was traveling and the strength of galvanized steel; the muscles had little chance of with standing the force of the blow. The pole tore through the flesh, bone, tissue, muscle, and skin; ripping my leg from my body just below the knee. If you are saying ouch, don't, at least not yet. Pain is only relevant when you have time to process the information your body is sending to your brain, and your brain has sufficient time to interpret those signals as, "this really bleeping hurts and I am in trouble." But I am getting to that.
My bike then bounced away from the guard rain and back into it, where the front wheel turned and locked, bucking the bike rear over front, and throwing my body into the air. Now I have to mention that it is a wonderful sensation to be weightless, and flying. I have dreamed about flying almost every time I sleep, in one fashion or the other. And it is just about the same in true life. You are completely weightless, air rushing all about you, the ground flies past you in a blur, and you seem to have complete awareness that this is unnatural but know that it is happening.
To me up there flying through the air, I had time to look around and check things out. The actual hang time that I was in the air was a mere 2.5 maybe 3 seconds, but it is amazing the ability of the human mind to process information at such a fast rate that it seems that the very fabric of time slows to allow you to comprehend everything that is going on at those very precious fractions of time. Anyhow, I see the truck to my left continuing to drive, I see my bike up in the air with me but to my left spinning end over end like it was doing aerial stunts in a show. I see the ground below me rushing so fast it looks like an artists paint smeared by water that runs through all the earth-toned colors on his pallet. Sounds, smells, sensations, and thought, were all that I had at those very moments. I could not feel that I was hurt, not just yet.
"This is bad, this is going to hurt, oh well," were the thought that ran through my head as I looked at the brush rushing toward me at incredible speeds. POW…is all I remember about the landing. I came to consciousness, and could hear my bike still tumbling on the road. I remember feeling this very powerful buzz sensation that just kept getting louder and louder in my ears. I shook my head and spit out a mouthful of blood that I was choking on. With my left hand I undid my helmet and removed it from my head. I was originally lying on my back, I removed the helmet and rolled onto my stomach so I could crawl to the highway and signal someone for help. I knew I was hurt bad and needed to get to the road soon. My leg hurt like a broken bone and my right arm hurt the same. Little did I know…
I lifted my torso and placed both hands on the ground to begin my crawl to the road, when I collapsed to the ground face first. Aggravated that I was now sucking in dry dust and grass into a bloody cottonmouth vacancy that used to be my mouth, I began to assess what had just happened and why was I unable to crawl to the road. When I place my hands on the ground, my right arm had given out and I fell. What was the sensation that I felt when my arm gave out? I thought. It was the feeling of grinding, something grinding together and giving way to something else. Why does me leg hurt? What else hurts? Each passing thought, I tried to sort out in my severe shock state. I realized I needed help and that things were beginning o really hurt. I could hear voices up on the road, and I knew the light from the day was quickly passing by. I began to call out for help as loud as I could.
There are people around me now, as I wake up from a brief lapse into unconsciousness and then back. "Water," I shout, "I need water" people poured bottle after bottle of water down my throat. And I drank it with the glee of a pig eating his supper. I could not get enough water inside of me. Then I heard the voices of authority and commanding. People who are trained in these situations, the paramedics had arrived. The usual barrage of questions, do you know who you are, do you know where you are, do you know what happened, what day is it, what year is it, what is your birthday, what is your address…? Non-stop questions came at me, one after the other after the other. I had had enough of the questions, I had a few of my own and I wanted to know right now. "Hey!" I shouted, "What is it," someone asked, I asked what was wrong with me. Some one said not to worry about that right now. "I am studying medicine in college, for fuck sake; level with me guys, how bad is it?" I yelled back at them. They informed me that I had a severe compound fracture to both bones in my right arm and my right leg was no longer attached to my body. I got quite, for that matter everything got quite. I replied with "well, shit! Is my left leg still there?" The paramedics were a bit baffled by this and said that yes it was still there and they could not see anything wrong with it other than scrapes and bruises. Noting the chuckle in their voices as they told me this, I laid back and closed my eyes.
When I cam back to consciousness, I could not move, I could not sit up, I could not even open my eyes. Now let me tell you that freaked the hell out of me. So I began to struggle with my muscles all over my body to move, then I notices, the beeping noise in the background began to raise e in its rhythm, I could hear the click ssssss sound of the machine that was filling and empting the air in and out of my lungs, then I noticed that I was not getting enough air because I was panicking beyond belief. The more I panicked and tried to move my muscles, the more I needed air, the more I needed air faster than the machine was giving it to me, the more I panicked. It was a vicious cycle that got me to a point that I had to get more air and I had to move. I felt my limbs flop but I had no motor skills on them, I could crack my eyelids just a crack to see the blurred images of heads looking down on me. I was able to force a trickle of air past the tube that was lodged securely down my throat into my lungs. This air that trickled past was the most painful thing I have ever felt up to this point. It felt like razor blades cut up into small pieces mixed into a glass of very strong lemonade being swallowed repeatedly. But still I squeezed the air past.
I found out later that the doctors had given me a shot that paralyzes the person from head to toe, kind of like an epidural for a woman, but for the whole body. It's horrible; I do not ever recommend it to anyone. You are fully conscious but you can not move, or talk, or feel. It is just your consciousness in the dark recesses of your mind trying to reach out and let everyone know that you are still alive. I can not imagine what it would be like to be in a coma that you are conscious through the entire ordeal. Uuuggghhh! I was in and out of consciousness over the next several hours, but never fully retained any lasting or definite memory during that period. Not until I woke up the next day.
To Be Continued…