Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


37 Camp Hill, PA Man


You might like

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–33
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 10:09pm
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body type
Mostly anything
Graduated from university
Sales / Marketing
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This Profile is Rated: PG-70
Parental Guidance Strongly Suggested for those with an IQ under 70

It's a sad sign for humanity and strong test of my humility when a profile this brilliant has to work so hard for a reply from the few 8 or better's that grace this site. And even worse, when it fails to attract the several hundred or so Fatty Patty's or Undateable Debbie's that are constantly online... Alright Alright, I realize you don't want to be Catfish'd and there is nothing about this profile you should take too seriously other then realizing someone or something actually wrote it...

But to those of you sad women who whine about arrogance. Do every guy online a favor and get your own arrogant head out of your ass. If you actually are on a respectable level, you're inferiority won't feel so threatened. You know: Those who live in glass houses...

(Sadly, there is a good chance I more then likely will be poking fun of you if I do take time to write (98.5% chance I'm thinking) based on the level of stupidity and depravity I see on here. Trust me I wish I didn't have too, it just that's how sad things are online these days... Maybe it's only free sites, who knows. But I'm not complaining, because it is what makes Internet dating interesting, not to mention makes me feel better about where I stand in life. So thank you :) Try your best not to justify it by thinking I am overweight, lonely, need something to do, hate life, need a better hobby (maybe that's true), am jealous, or whatever you want to come back to justify what just happened. I mean, I am not bitter, and perhaps you aren't as retarded as you appeared, just it's how it looks on here when you describe yourself. The KIND giving nature of mine is trying to HELP you see it is all. I am sure someone probably should have pointed it out sooner. But there probably already is more then enough false positivity in your life, just needs a little balance is all. So maybe I can help. The nice thing is on here: it's all so anonymous that no one else hears, see's, comments, etc. so the good work that I do can be look at as more of an anonymous public service... And why if you don't like it you can just ignore and feel like your the bigger person... right? Hell you do it to the others dateless retards who probably are the best you'd be able to meet in the real world, while you wait for that one STUD-MUFFIN SUPREME it message you... Now in your head that might seem to be true, however I most likely make way more sense then you ever have. So you'll just be continuing your sad state of degradation. It's good to listen to others sometimes.

For those who are the shit though and I bow before, appreciate the complement! Since you are in the top 1.5%, deserve to be noticed, and worshipped as the Goddess you are...)

By the way I love all the American Apparel ads they show me on this website... That site makes me believe you women love women in porn more than teenage men. Go check out their tumbler page sometime... Most of those women in the ads are probably raised I am thinking by the same single mother, bisexuals, or special needs individuals who litter these online dating sites. Who knows, maybe they had an abusive online dating father...

REMEMBER: I deal with a lot of stupid people on this thing which is sad. So that's why I pontificate like I do. So for those of you who actually might be attractive... It helps to create a more realistic fantasy (yes, that is oxymoronic, but until you meet us 'fine cybermales' in real life it's all a big freaking fantasy anyway) about the guy that's messaging on here. So pay attention only to this paragraph and skip the rest. It will read more like those profiles you are familiar with and is about as spot on a description of me: I am an outgoing guy who loves to spend time helping others, works hard each and every day and gives back more then I receive, well grounded socially and morally. I work out and expect a woman who is fitness minded though not a freak as those women are scary. I am good with money and look for the same. I own my own place which is bigger then 5 of most peoples places (true Story and its so big it actually sucks to heat... So am I being a braggart, of course I am silly, even if size doesn't matter) yet I also rent so I'm fine with you having either. Though, I do like a girl that isn't too tied down or so independent that she listens to Ne-Yo all day long. (If you have any rhythm that will make sense to you) I tend to enjoy conversations based on sarcastic dialog if you haven't noticed and of a comical nature, meaning you can be a bitch, so long as you back it up with substance and show some love every now and again. At the same time I know when to be serious, hence why I hold a professional job. Most of all I want someone who wants me, and appreciates being with someone they can trust... I mean look at this profile "Me Bullshit?" Now read on if a little more online dating 101 reality is what you need because just talking about the good things in life all the time, is well... boring...

As you read this novel/profile you may notice a few things happening:

1.) You are LoL'ing at times even though you might not want too (you will...)
2.) You are agreeing with a lot of what I say (though you would never admit it as you believe you are as sweet and non judgemental as that profile you wrote makes you out to be...)
3.) Realizing by the end that this guy is probably a lot better then the other guy I"m messaging on here for any number of reasons even if you think I'm a real Dick (and I probably just did a lot nicer things for people this week then most have for the whole year), though you're right I'm not really trying to make you feel special like the other messages you got. (But I slip and flatter from time to time)
4.) Start reflecting on your own thoughts & beliefs wondering why you can't express them more effectively like this genius. (I do write well, so why do I use this power sometimes for criticism? If i did with you, don't take it personal, just realize you probably deserved it...)
5.) Starting to think if it was a good idea really to go on that last date with the guy who lives in his Grandmothers basement because we both love puppies and are really really easy to get along with... (I'm sure your exe would have put that in your profile about you too right... Let someone else be the judge of hoe 'easy' you are)
6.) Hoping that I won't actually read your profile & criticize (don't worry about this one if you are cute, I can be phony just like the last guy who messaged you cutie ;) and hell, who reads hot girls profiles anyway
7.) Realizing that I "need" your acceptance, if you really are as desirable in life as 100+ horny dorks on here and other dating sites make you believe. So make me feel special too (Share!), pretty please!

So you still with me... You are? Well you are awesome for 1 and for 2 read on and enjoy. (Feel free to take breaks and come back if you like as I know it is long) And take a chance to get to know me and how I really feel by perusing my Question Answered section.... ;;;)

Online dating... Is that what this free site's really for? I started reading and began to think its the medication sad lonely people sitting at home on weekends take, who are feeling they really were better than that last guy/gal they dated. (Shit, here I am on a weekend updating this damn thing and talking down your exe...). Or, perhaps it's for those just looking to garner hordes of attention that lots of makeup and a good angle can bring. Be honest, I am onto something here aren't I...? Well, regardless I enjoy all types even if I really don't like you. Besides, if you can't read and comprehend, then my mind is most likely more then you can handle.

So put down those Twinkie's (Wait! save them if they are originals, since they are collectors items now) and read on... Even though, I know a little male ego here has already scared off half of you online romantics. Most wanting to believe what they read (which could this really be how I am??? hummm...) But isn't this already reading so much more truthful then the stereotypical sweet nothings in the form of textual regurgitated garbage you just read on the profile before I messaged? You know, that BS that really just amounts to the way that person "perceives" themselves to be... Reading as if they thought they were being asked to cast themselves as the lead roll in a movie: But you're online, they're online, we're all online! And we really should know better shouldn't we?

Besides, if you are that fool, or perhaps you are just really attractive in your best picture profile pic, as I really am a sucker for a good looking woman (what man isn't) who gets one of my interesting messages, then views me because you are like "Oh wow, I just got a message from what looks to be a man in this little pic... I better check his profile, because "damn he can form complete sentences and is funny," (wait maybe you think I'm an ass, but we'll assume you clicked because you want to know why) regardless, you'll eventually figure after reading this (assuming your intellectual enough to stay with me) "I'm too scared to write back because he's not really all that sexy I guess (regardless of what picture I put up there), and now that I see he isn't warm, fuzzy and cuddly like I dream about when I log on. You may wisely feel I'm way wittier then you if you try to say something witty or insulting in return..." Then, no worries. :) It's all good, as I'm sure Prince Charming is another mouse click away if you are patient or need an out. There is always someone to tell you what you want to hear, especially if you're lonely, gullible, typical, or horny. Whatever your story is, but he really should sound a lot more boring after all this...

Now, I'm not all negative, as I seriously love this site, it's true. And not just because I'm most likely a lot smarter than you. ;) Just wanted to rhyme there, and throw on some more of that cock charm I know you girls love... Just please don't read into it, as hell you could be Mensa material... (if so message me please) But then again, I probably would not have written you would I have if it was just that :/ (Have you seen an attractive Mensa woman? Do you think they exist?? I mean Jodie Foster was, but she's more like a boy isn't she??? Crap I'm digressing) Seriously though, one becomes addicted to these things if you stare too long. And I probably burned out my retinas months ago looking at some of the pathetic profiles.

What I love though, is that Cupid likes to give one ugly looking people. That is... if you are unattractive in your pic or hence I guess "ugly yourself". Now I would never actually admit to being ugly, hell I'm Italian "ehhhhh," but look at that pic.Well needless to say that what they give me... ain't pretty. Damn karma mixed with computer algorithms...

How do I know this? Because I am a Devildamn genius that's why... So, I see how hard it is for my uglier male friends in life, here we thought you valued things other then looks... Dammit! Isn't that what your profile says? It says your to you are honest, easy to get along with too come to think of it... I think we are being deceived. I mean look at me, I have nothing to hide, and hell I am actually funny. Where's my 5 stars? And to top it off I had to message you... What are we to believe these days if women can't even be honest to themselves an others in online profiles...? I am calling MTV's Catfish!

So really now, why would I subject myself to this abuse? Because I'm A SCIENTIST silly, of course!!! I do this sorta as a "let's see how shallow people really are" (and maybe surprisingly not as much as I expected per say, but still for the most part yes...) Now I'll admit, it's probably due to the shear number of responses you women get from most losers, who knows? But also the matches that Cupid's giving me now are fatter, uglier, less attractive then anything I have or would ever need to date. And the catch 22... The women who I actually would date, because they appear attractive and not living off government assistance with their 4th kid are less inclined to write back due to this sort of ranting. Ain't online life a bitch...

At the end of the day, isn't it so completely about the number of stars you've been rated, or how much those hormones are flowing when you view this thing that it makes you want to react. More importantly, you should probably just stop reading if you made it this far, as everything else in this profile is most likely pretty much pointless as my guess I'm averaging a half star or so.

Now, getting back to some sense of reality, if that's even possible in this medium. I'm not saying I'm writing "quiver" people or every single mentally challenged individual I come across. So if I do message hopefully it's because you were attractive, dare I say funny, slipped through the cracks, and/or perhaps saw you answered some question brilliantly on the home page. But, I don't really write women all that much on this site come to think of it... Unless mainly for enjoyment, sure there's the occasional "I'd actually buy that girl dinner if she can stomach this profile, sad pics, and is brave enough" kinda hot girl that I see on here. But most I notice from the profiles are brain dead, boring, or just obviously not seeing the same person that everyone else see's :/

And see we will... as this internet dominated world has caused us to be "observers" of others lives. Since so many people really want to share (usually more then they need too), and they think that people actually care. Now, "I CARE," I can honestly say I do, "I care..." But it's probably only if one of two variables are met... You are extremely attractive and would make "ME" look better then just 'me', or your are a complete wreak and you just might need someone there with a good head on his shoulders to point it out... So don't say no one is there for you baby! I'm a scientist remember... Awweee, I guess we can also add a third verible, which is you realize you are awesome like me and we can both just talk about all the "awesomeness"that abounds.

So by now if you are asking yourself "Why would I..." it's a good thing... Because isn't it pretty obvious already? I'm amazingly intelligent, super funny, and not even all that bad in ugly pics... Duh! Lol
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Holy shit that first part was long... Are you still here?

Well... Like you I am wasting a few minutes, a few times a week, during times of boredom, away here on OkCupid looking at people who are most likely "nothing" like they appear in there profile, and helping them see the light...

Did you see me busting it Country Style at Buck Wild's or hanging with the elderly people at The Jukebox and Rod's Roadhouse? You did... Damn straight, I can move can't I?

Did you see me in my stupid ass fishing hat playing tennis? Nope... Well that is probably better, as I suck and look stupid most times sucking at it, but I should be better here soon. If you are good you can message me as I need to get better since my Aunt use to offer to pay me a 100 a month to quit boxing and play this more civilized game. Now, I don't need her money as I make more then enough myself, just I really don't like getting punched in the face quite as much as I use too...

Playing (and by play i mean spending money on) a place I bought which is 5 times bigger then the sun and your parents house or the place where your exe, that you met of here lives in the basement of... Yes it's that big.

Earning $$$ (thankfully) since I have a great job (yeah, its might be better then yours so hopefully you won't be resentful or jealous, which is why i can be this cheerful and frank). Yeah it's really good actually... Causes me to travel a bit but nothing crazy as I make my own schedule, roll my ass out of bed and stumble over to my home office, and basically make my company money. Pretty sweet eh?
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
FACEBOOK! (Don't be a retard, even if you are good at that you're not good...)

In the mean time, I just remembered something else I'm really good at. Internet Sarcasm oh and...

Challenges: (like getting the one or two actually REAL and attractive girls on here that get way way way way way too many emails from losers and or really ugly guys on here to message me back) Which means I actually just get going at opposition, don't understand the word "no" and believe persistence is key... Is this why I make so much in my profession... :D (sure it does!)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Probably that gap in my teeth that my Dentist wanted to close. However, if Letterman can make millions with one, why can't I...

How about my massive chest and shoulders... Who knows I work out a lot so at least I hope that they notice. There really not that massive :(

That baby face and cherub like demeanor that I exude... Can't you feel it?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Too busy to watch TV so I don't even get cable
Love shows though like Dexter, Southpark, The Five, have to add Breaking Bad as that was awesome...
Music: Hell I was a DJ before so I like a lot of stuff, mostly though stuff I can dance too.
Food: I don't want to gross you out so I'll say I'm very open minded. But you can't enlighten me on cuisine, however I sure as hell can you...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Food, Air, Red & White blood cells, a Digestive System (unless administered nutrients intravenously) and a Heart (again, unless or substitute here a possible pacemaker, in which case I wouldn't need one last thing) ... A brain.

Alright, you can all cut and paste that cuz it makes sense most likely for you too if you are alive, unless of course you are one of the many made up fake accounts on this site, in which case just put in bull shit like most everyone does already into this list...

Ohhh, wait! Can I take that all back and just say "you" 6 times ;;;) Heheheee
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Are most of the women who I write as lame as their profiles make them appear to be on here? (disregard if you were hot, as that's just most likely me being shallow just like everyone else who is messaging you for the same reason)

How much taxes I am going to be paying because Washington keeps @%#!ing things up.

Why is it that I often find myself believing what I see on TV?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Playing Poker At One Of My Many Friends Places


Possibly curing global hunger, working on equality issues for women, and taking care of orphans and kittens...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"I like turtles" ( put that in a Google search, and it will then possibly appear somewhat funny to you... At the very least if you have a soul you you should like the link... )
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I compliment you...

You brush your teeth regularly... and/or

You are looking for a guy with no family baggage, thinks faster than your therapist, ages well, makes you laugh, and can afford to have a good time... That said you better be fairly damn attracive :/ (That makes me sound materialistic or looking for a woman who is, doesn't it?) Oh well F'it, cause if you are good looking you should be happy you are with a guy who knows it...

If you read this whole thing your name will be put into a random drawing for psychiatric help from a qualified specialist. And...for what it's worth I <3 you!!!