So, instead, have a list of things about myself that I like.
1. I can run 5 minutes without slowing to a walk.
1a. I regularly spend those 5 minutes thinking about prison reform.
1b. Or thinking about how fucking high on endorphins running makes me and wondering if high functioning drug users are more likely to work out than non drug users, since their drug use speaks to a certain love of altered states of consciousness, which the giddy happy puddle I turn into after finishing a run definitely is.
1c. Or working on half-finished comedy bits about wanting to grow up to be Tom Waits, which I never write down and almost certainly will never perform, because A) I'd need to work on my Tom Waits impression and, B) I'm not a comedian.
2. I have about a 75% success rate at flipping a fried egg without breaking it.
3. In the last year I went from not knowing the first thing about computer programming to... sort of knowing the first thing about computer programming.
4. If my vocabulary was a penis, it would be at least 7 inches.
4a. The most recent new word I've learned is "charcuterie", which has been Baader-Meinhoffing its way through my life for the past month.
4b. Prior to charcuterie, the last thing that I experienced the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon about was the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon.
5. I know how to fold a paper crane.