Two people managed to actually start and hold conversations with me. I was impressed(I get bored easily) and interested, but one asked me out on a date first. The plan for that date had been to go see a movie together with some munchies perhaps thrown in. Low-key just the way I preferred my first dates to be. What happened is I was three hours late to that date due to unforeseen circumstances and conceded to go over to his place for a movie on the couch(I was living dangerously).
What happened was an eight hour long conversation about pretty much everything that crossed our minds. He didn't make a move on me. It got to the point where I wondered if I had been quickly shuffled into the friendzone once he'd had the chance to see me in person. It wasn't until five in the morning that we got to the point of kissing and then promptly fell asleep as he only had a couple of hours before work.
The next date was slightly less talking and a good bit more physical (and food and a movie). When he finally asked me to be his girlfriend, it took me two weeks to respond. I don't like to make important decisions quickly. A year later he proposed, and a year after that we were married. We still have those long conversations though.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming:
Hmm after thinking I've decided honesty is the best policy on this. Also in not censoring my thoughts my writing is going to be a bit.. mmm wibbly-wobbly in its reasoning, so please bear with me.
I have had a total of 22 friends my entire life. I've moved 10 times. I was teased since first grade and any attempt I have ever made to be more pleasing to my peers has blown up in my face. My family generally only have something bad to say to me and if they ever have anything good to say it is always coupled with a 'but'. I've fallen in love once and that too was an unmitigated disaster. I spent a good deal of my life depressed and rather suicidal. At the moment, I have no clue what direction I should take my life in as my definition of success is utterly attainable(in fact I just met it today and yesterday and the day before that) and not at all materialistic in the slightest. Being that I was (do underline 'was' like a bajillion times in your mind) just drowning in depression, I'm not at all in the habit of hoping. I'm very realistic, in my opinion.
As a child, I was the quiet girl in the back of the classroom that everyone found a little weird. When I spoke it was to ask a question. I was and am still a very curious girlie. I was a very philosophical child and spent all of my time wondering about absolutely everything. And, I learned very quickly that no one likes an inquisitive child unless they want to grow up and be a rocket scientest or a doctor or something. All I ever wanted to do was figure out the whys of people and I did. I believe it's what makes me a great writer.
In middle school, I kind of.. snapped. I was tired of being seen as the nice pushover just because I preferred to keep to myself. When I did defend myself I was suddenly a crazy bitch in everyone's eyes. So around 12-13 years old that's what I became. I revelled in the oddness that was me and made sure that each word I gave my peers was scathing. It's become something of a defense mechanism over the years.
I can't tolerate fools. I just can't. I don't like the feel of my brain bleeding after awhile.
I'm actually a pretty nice person, when someone gets to know me. I have and will continue to do everything in my power to help those I care for. Even though my mom is more concerned about my appearance than my actual happiness, I still love her. I love taking care of kids and the kind of sappy romance stories where two friends realize they've been in love with each other all along. I like holding hands.
Honesty is probably not the best policy on sites like this. The point is to sell yourself like a product and make yourself out to be the best person that you are. I can't do that. There are many good points about me, but hell if I can name them without sounding like an idiot. So you get the worst of me instead.