Do you wonder if you'll ever find a smart, sassy, secure and sensuous woman who has the emotional maturity, wisdom, sense of humor, depth of character and dirty mind it will take to make you excruciatingly happy?

Well...I don't know any women like that either. But since you're here, why not read MY profile to see if we have anything in common? ;)

Here are the most important things to know about me, for you skimmers:

• I'm a libertarian who is pro-choice on just about everything. (However, while I think you have a right to snort/inject/smoke anything you want, I'll assume you're an idiot if you actually do so.)
• I don't have or want kids and have serious doubts that I could be a successful stepmom.
• I'm an entrepreneur working like hell to become a big-time marketing and PR consultant, so I work a lot of hours.
• I'm an agnostic Pastafarian. I have very little tolerance for organized religion (whether you worship God, the environment, animal rights, government, or a grilled cheese sandwich that looks like Jesus, the blind faith + irrationality + self-righteousness + desire to control my life is a turn-off, big time.)
• I think capitalism is the only moral economic system. I don't think anyone owes me a living (or anything else), and I don't think I owe you one either. So if you voted for Obama, we're not a match and likely never will be.
• I don't smoke, do drugs, or have content-free recreational sex. My ideal match doesn't either.

Okay, those are the biggest deal-killers, so if you've made it thus far, you're one in a million. May as well keep reading. :)

I am here to find True Love. (Yes. Just like in "The Princess Bride.") So...while it's sweet of you to offer, I'm NOT interested in a three-night stand or a drunken hookup or the occasional booty call. (That's why I'm ignoring your IM.) I'm looking to be one-half of a kick-ass man/woman team, building a lifelong love together.

And as goofy as it sounds, I’m sincerely optimistic that if he hasn't already, my soulmate will soon read all the way to the end of my amazingly long profile and say to himself, "my darling geeky princess…where have you been all my life?"

Yes. My profile is extremely long. I've been on OKC awhile now, and every time someone asks me a new question, the answer ends up in my profile. Just a heads-up, if you send me a one-sentence email that says, "tell me more about yourself," it will be deleted because I'll be forced to assume you can't read, and I have a strict policy of only dating the literate.

Having gotten to know several men from OKC, I have to say I'm insanely impressed with OKCupid's matching algorithm.

Soooo...I'm looking for someone with a very high match number. The higher the better. Anything over 75%, and we're probably guaranteed to get along famously. Over 85% starts to feel like soulmate material. I'm also looking for a low enemy number (like 10% or less, if at all possible).

If this describes YOU, please run--don't walk--to MyHeroQuest.com. It's the website I've put up that describes my Quest to find the romantic partner of my dreams.

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By day, I'm a mild-mannered marketing and public relations wonk, and can generally pass for normal. By night, I can be any number of things…a swing dancer; cat herder; Fly Baby; Browncoat; home improver/renovator; voracious reader, and creator of bad Lord of the Rings parodies to name but a few.

If you're into Myers-Briggs, I'm a borderline INTJ/INTP. A good match for me would be someone more extroverted, like an ENFP or ENTP or ESTJ. Don't know your type? Here's a link to The Quick and Dirty Personality Test.

2009 has been all about self-improvment and personal evolution, thanks to a great hypnotherapist, some brain-altering neurofeedback, some awesome NLP work and support from a much-loved "fairy godmother." It's important for my future beloved to share my enthusiasm for introspection and self-improvement. You probably don't need to be a maniac about it like I am, but it would help if you were interested in things like NLP, hypnosis, and generally improving yourself and your life.

I'm more comfortable dressed like a naughty Pirate wench or 1940s femme fatale than in modern street clothes (I am proud of the fact that I have never purchased a contemporary fashion magazine, but I own several vintage ones.)

I'm 44 and have thus far avoided marriage, but I'd like to give it a shot someday. I've also happily escaped motherhood. I much prefer kittens to human babies (and yes, my parents are disappointed.)

I do not have or want kids. I'm trying to be more flexible about the kids issue (since most men my age have at least one set). But it's a conundrum. It's hard enough to make a relationship work with one person...I don't believe I could cope with a full-custody dad (just being honest). And relocation-wise, I don't want to be the reason you move away from your kids. I don't care how resilient kids are supposed to be...I don't ever want to come between a dad and his children. So it's no surprise that kids have been a deal-breaker more than once.

I don't have a maternal instinct, but I am constantly creating things (hmmm...coincidence?) I love love love to sing, esp. Celtic dirges, 1940s torch songs, and show tunes. I would love to find a partner to make music with.

I absolutely love to dance...especially swing dances like Balboa and Lindy Hop, and Latin / ballroom. It would be amazing to find a love, life, and dance partner in the same man.

I also go through phases where I really get into an arts/craftsy activity like making jewelry or flower arranging or interior design or costuming. And I've rehabbed two antique houses (there is nothing quite as satisfying as walking into a kitchen you created yourself.)

Yes, interests-wise, I enjoy a lot of things that aren't generally considered "girly." I really do enjoy building things and renovating, and going out to the range to fire my 9mm. And I'm a sci-fi addict. I have more power tools than most women (and some men.)

And I love the arts as much as I love science, so I'm as likely to watch Shakespeare as I am to watch a documentary about dark matter.

Other random things I enjoy: swing music in all its incarnations (Big Band, ragtime, Rhythm & Blues, Texas Swing), science fiction and fantasy, learning new things, figuring out what makes people tick, individualism, IDPA pistol matches, fixing things, meteor showers, offending the dogmatic, questioning "authority."

Since I was introduced to OKCupid by Our Noodly Lord, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, I believe my Soulmate is probably also a Pastafarian. (Visit The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to learn more about my beliefs, and why I dress as a Pirate as often as possible.)

If this profile is making your toes curl, check out MyHeroQuest.com. (Please be kind...I'm not a professional HTML wrangler.)

I'm extremely busy with work. I don't have a lot of time or energy for random dating (by which I mean "dating someone with whom there's no chance of a relationship just so you don't have to go to the movies alone.")

Inspired by the book "Efficient Love" by Robert Goodman, I put up a website to help me find my True Love: MyHeroQuest.com.

Simply put, I don't have time to go out with you unless I already know we're highly compatible.

So the goal is to exchange about five dates' worth of information up front to weed out any "deal killers" before either of us become emotionally attached. Saves both of us a lot of time, money and heartache!

I admit that this seems like a really un-romantic way to find romance. But since my own random ways haven't worked, and eHarmony (and Chemistry and Match) suck, and I just don't have time to IM all day, I'm endeavoring to find love efficiently!

For somebody who's as busy and time-crunched as I am, the Efficient Love process is awesome. So far I've had excellent results...a lot fewer dates, but a lot more quality and matchiness in those men I do meet. And I've met some great guys in the year since I was introduced to Efficient Love. Maybe you'll be next. :)

Things I love:

Events that allow me to dress in costume, like Renaissance Festivals, Historic Re-enactments, and sci-fi conventions like DragonCon.

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Sci-Fi/fantasy: (the links take you to the Amazon page where you can read a synopsis) the brilliant Futurama, Joss Whedon's brilliant sci-fi series Firefly and the follow-up film Serenity, the new Battlestar Galactica, Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings, The New Doctor Who, Farscape, the quirky and sometimes kinky Doctor Who spinoff Torchwood, Star Wars (but only the first three films--you know, before George Lucas broke my heart), the original Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation (mmmmm, Jean-Luc Picard.....yum!), possibly my fave Star Trek incarnation, Star Trek: Enterprise, Dark City, The Princess Bride. There's a more extensive list on my Movies & TV page..

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Music: Big Band swing, jump blues, old R&B, show tunes, '80s, ambient, world music. Tom Jones: sexiest voice EVER! You can see a list of all my favorite artists on my Music page at www.MyHeroQuest.com.

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Fave foods: good ol' American comfort foods (meatloaf, mashed potatoes, anything made in a crock pot, hot wings), Mexican, Chinese, Italian; Fave restaurant meals: a perfect steak from Houston's, a huge oriental chicken salad from the Rose Cafe, a big gloopy breakfast from Cracker Barrel, literally anything on the menu from the OK Cafe in Atlanta.

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Favorite authors (just a partial list): Ayn Rand, Wayne Dyer, lover of reality, Byron Katie, George C. Chesbro, Dr. Phil, libertarian and self-help author Peter McWilliams, evolutionary biologist and enemy of irrationality Stephen J. Gould, Middle Earth creator JRR Tolkien, controversial consciousness researcher Julian Jaynes, Diana Gabaldon, author of meticulously researched 18th century historical novels, Elizabeth Peters' "Amelia Peabody" mysteries, Al & Laura Ries, Sue Grafton, creator of the Alphabet mysteries featuring private detective Kinsey Milhone. I recently discovered the the "Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter" series by Laurell K. Hamilton, and I'm now addicted.

I easily read a book a day...yum! Hell = a place with no books.

I spend a lot of time thinking about my soulmate.

I'm pretty sure I haven't met him yet. I'm also sure he's human. And male. And most likely, pasty white like me. (I like pale. I have a thing for blondes & redheads.)

He is close to my age or younger. I seriously don't think of myself as a cougar. But when I first meet people, they guess my age at about 35. (Once I open my mouth, they guess it's about 25.) I wouldn't dream of causing anyone discomfort by correcting them.

If you're my guy, in addition to being the same species, you’re kind, generous, thoughtful and intensely romantic. You can make me laugh and make me think.

You are introspective and self-aware. You're emotionally healthy--even if you've been hurt in the past (and who hasn't?) you've processed, learned, and moved on. A self-improvement mindset is *extremely* important to me. My soulmate is happily living in the here and now, not trapped in a painful past.

My soulmate has a secular, capitalist worldview and political leanings (libertarian or non-religiously conservative). He's financially secure, responsible, and goal-oriented.

If you're my soulmate, having learned from past relationships, you’re also ready for “the real thing” and are dedicated to being the best possible friend, lover and (eventually) husband you can be.

You don’t have or want kids (my strong preference) or your kids are grown and out of the house.

You also MUST be sober, and drug/disease-free. Sanity is mandatory, but an unbridled imagination and amusing eccentricities are welcome, especially if you're rich. ;)

What I find sexy: real men who enjoy their masculinity and feel a duty to protect the people they love. (Yes, I’m a recovering feminist…please open doors for me.) Because I enjoy historic reenacting, Celtic festivals and sci-fi conventions, I love men who are confident enough to let me dress them up like Aragorn, Rob Roy, or a colonial militiaman. :) If we're dating, I can guarantee that you will end up in a kilt at some point.

I also have an embarrassing weakness for interesting accents...especially British, Scottish, Irish and French accents. Slurp. (Why does the word "naughty" sound even naughtier when it's said with a British accent?!?!)

On a typical Friday night, I'm wondering where the hell the rest of the week went, and why I didn't make plans to do anything tonight.

If you'd like to apply for the position of Love Of My Life, or just say hi, drop me a note with "Soulmate" in the subject line.

Better yet, visit me at my website, MyHeroQuest.com. There are more photos there (no, none of them are naughty. Sorry.)

Please DO NOT contact me if you have no photo or your profile is blank. I've put a lot of thought into mine, and if you can't be bothered...then neither can I.

Please DO NOT contact me if you feel the need to abbreviate three-letter words like "you" in your email. Uuuuggggh.