OkCupid is Free Online Dating.

Do you wonder if you'll ever find a smart, sassy, secure and sensuous woman who has the emotional maturity, wisdom, sense of humor, depth of character and dirty mind it will take to make you excruciatingly happy?

Sorry. I don't know any women like that either.

But since you're here, why not read MY profile to see if we have anything in common? ;)

I’m sincerely optimistic that if he hasn't already, my soulmate will soon read all the way to the end of my amazingly long profile and say to himself, "my darling geeky princess…where have you been all my life?"

I am here here to find True Love. So...while it's sweet of you to offer, I'm not interested in a three-night stand or a drunken hookup or the occasional booty call. (That's why I'm ignoring your IM.) I'm looking to be one-half of a kick-ass man/woman team, building a lifelong love together.

Having gotten to know several men from OKC, I have to say I'm insanely impressed with OKCupid's matching algorithm.

Over the summer I met an 85% match, and we were finishing each others' sentences, using the same figures of speech, diggin' on the same obscure cultural references, etc. I've met a couple of 77% matches who remind me of me in so many ways it kinda creeps me out. :) Anyway, I'm a true believer, OKC! Rock on, math majors!

What this means is I am looking for someone with a very high match number. The higher the better. Anything over 75%, and we're probably guaranteed to get along famously. Over 85% starts to feel like soulmate material. I'm also looking for a low enemy number (like 10% or less).

If this describes YOU, please run--don't walk--to MyHeroQuest.com. It's the website I've put up that describes my Quest to find the romantic partner of my dreams.

-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----

By day, I'm a mild-mannered marketing and public relations wonk, and can generally pass for normal. By night, I can be any number of things…a swing dancer; cat herder; Fly Baby; Browncoat; home improver/renovator; voracious reader, and creator of bad Lord of the Rings parodies to name but a few.

If you're into Myers-Briggs, I'm a borderline INTJ/INTP. A good match for me would be someone more extroverted, like an ENFP or ENTP or ESTJ. Don't know your type? Here's a link to The Quick and Dirty Personality Test.

I'm more comfortable dressed like a naughty Pirate wench or 1940s femme fatale than in modern street clothes (I am proud of the fact that I have never purchased a contemporary fashion magazine, but I own several vintage ones.)

I'm 43 and have thus far avoided marriage, but I'd like to give it a shot someday. I've also happily escaped motherhood. I much prefer kittens to human babies (and yes, my parents are disappointed.) My two feline kids are all I can handle.

I do not have or want kids. And I don't want to raise yours (they deserve better.) I'm trying to be more flexible about the kids issue (since most men my age have at least one set). But it's a conundrum. It's hard enough to make a relationship work with one person...I don't believe I could cope with a full-custody dad (just being honest). And relocation-wise, I don't want to be the reason you move away from your kids. I don't care how resilient kids are supposed to be...I don't ever want to come between a dad and his children. So it's no surprise that kids have been a deal-breaker more than once.

I don't have a maternal instinct, but I am constantly creating things (hmmm...coincidence?) I love love love to sing, esp. Celtic dirges, 1940s torch songs, and show tunes. I would love to find a partner to make music with. I've been a real coward about singing in front of people, but I'm getting over it.

I absolutely love to dance...especially swing dances like Balboa and Lindy Hop, and Latin / ballroom. It would be amazing to find a love, life, and dance partner in the same man.

I also go through phases where I really get into an arts/craftsy activity like making jewelry or flower arranging or interior design or costuming. And I've rehabbed two antique houses (there is nothing quite as satisfying as walking into a kitchen you created yourself.)

Yes, interests-wise, I enjoy a lot of things that aren't generally considered "girly." I really do enjoy building things and renovating, and going out to the range to fire my 9mm. And I'm a sci-fi addict. I have more power tools than most women (and some men.)

And I love the arts as much as I love science, so I'm as likely to watch Shakespeare as I am to watch a documentary about dark matter.

Other random things I enjoy: swing music in all its incarnations (Big Band, ragtime, Rhythm & Blues, Texas Swing), science fiction and fantasy, learning new things, figuring out what makes people tick, individualism, IDPA pistol matches, fixing things, meteor showers, offending the dogmatic, questioning "authority."

Since I was introduced to OKCupid by Our Noodly Lord, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, I believe my Soulmate is probably also a Pastafarian. (Visit The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to learn more about my beliefs, and why I dress as a Pirate as often as possible.)

If this profile is making your toes curl, check out MyHeroQuest.com. (Please be kind...I'm not a professional HTML wrangler.)

I'm extremely busy running a small business. I don't have a lot of time or energy for random dating (by which I mean "dating someone with whom there's no chance of a relationship just so you don't have to go to the movies alone.")

So I'm using the techniques in the book "Efficient Love" by Robert Goodman to find my Hero. "Efficient Love" inspired this profile on OKCupid and my website, MyHeroQuest.com.

The point of the Efficient Love process is to spend as little time as possible on random dating so I'll have more time to get to know the men who have a lot of potential.

The goal is to exchange about five dates' worth of information up front to weed out any "deal killers" before either of us become emotionally attached. Saves both of us a lot of time, money and heartache!

This profile is really just an Internet signpost. If you want to know more about me, and more importantly, who I'm looking for, check out my website's "About You" page.. You can write to me here, but I'll just point you back there.

I admit that this seems like a really un-romantic way to find romance. But since my own random ways haven't worked, and eHarmony (and Chemistry and Match) suck, and my friends have stopped trying to fix me up because I'm "too damn picky," and I just don't have time to hang out in chat rooms, I'm endeavoring to find love efficiently!

For somebody who's as busy and time-crunched as I am, the Efficient Love process is awesome. So far I've had excellent results...a lot fewer dates, but a lot more quality and matchiness in those men I do meet. And I've met some great guys in the year since I was introduced to Efficient Love. Maybe you'll be next. :)

I spend a lot of time thinking about my soulmate.

If there is such a creature, he is close to my age or maybe younger. (If he's more than a couple of years older, he'd better be in exceptional shape.) He's human. And male. And most likely, pasty white like me. I like pale.

If you're my soulmate, you’re kind, generous, thoughtful and intensely romantic. You can make me laugh and make me think.

You are introspective and self-aware. You're emotionally healthy--even if you've been hurt in the past (and who hasn't?) you've processed, learned, and moved on. This is *extremely* important to me. I've gone through some very bad times in my own life, and had some very difficult interpersonal relationships. I understand how corrosive hate and anger are to the soul, and I've found peace in forgiveness. My soulmate is happily living in the here and now, not trapped in a painful past.

You have a secular, capitalist worldview and political leanings (libertarian or non-religiously conservative). You’re financially secure, responsible, and goal-oriented.

Having learned from past relationships, you’re also ready for “the real thing” and are dedicated to being the best possible friend, lover and (eventually) husband you can be.

You don’t have or want kids (my strong preference) or your kids are grown and out of the house.

You also MUST be sober, and drug/disease-free. Sanity is mandatory, but an unbridled imagination and amusing eccentricities are welcome, especially if you're rich. ;)

What I find sexy: real men who enjoy their masculinity and feel a duty to protect the people they love. (Yes, I’m a recovering feminist…please open doors for me.) Because I enjoy historic reenacting, Celtic festivals and sci-fi conventions, I love men who are confident enough to let me dress them up like Aragorn, Rob Roy, or a colonial militiaman. :)

I also have an embarrassing weakness for interesting accents...especially British, Scottish, Irish and French accents. Slurp. (Why does the word "naughty" sound even naughtier when it's said with a British accent?!?!)

-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----{}-----

Update: Thanksgiving, 2008: I'm realizing, thanks to some back-to-back "character-building experiences," how important this issue of personal growth is to me. I spend part of every single day reflecting on how far I've come on my journey and how far I have to go. My closest friends are people to whom I can totally reveal my authentic self.

And over the past few days, I've become aware that I hadn't been expecting the same from my love/life partner. I had a basic assumption that this wasn't possible. (This assumption will be the subject of my next round of personal growth!) And it seems to me, total authenticity has to be the very foundation of a loving partnership. So I've ramped up my expectations...and probably reduced my dating pool to 1.3 men per 100 million. ;)

On a typical Friday night, I'm wondering where the hell the rest of the week went, and why I didn't make plans to do anything tonight.

The "love team" I create with my partner may not look like the standard Ozzie and Harriet marriage (for one thing, it will be in color...and for another thing, there won't be any kids on-screen. I will likely wear a frilly apron on occasion, though.)

Yes, each teammate will contribute value to the relationship and the household. But I'm very open to the idea that you may be the one who does a lot of the cooking and housework, and I may be the one making most of the money. I am also open to the reverse, should you be independently wealthy and want to "take me away from all this."

I'm also open to the third option, where you join me in running my small business (or I join you in yours) and we hire some domestic help. I'm lucky to have very marketable skills. And I know that I can go a lot further in my career and my life with the right partner. A business partner, a love partner, or even a househusband.

I think these are all details that my honey and I will negotiate as we go along.

If you'd like to apply for the position of Love Of My Life, or just say hi, drop me a note with "Soulmate" in the subject line.

Better yet, visit me at my website, MyHeroQuest.com. There are more photos there (no, none of them are naughty. Sorry.)

Please DO NOT contact me if you have no photo or your profile is blank. I've put a lot of thought into mine, and if you can't be bothered...then neither can I.

Please DO NOT contact me if you feel the need to abbreviate three-letter words like "you" in your email. Uuuuggggh.