It is daunting to realize that I'll have to live to be about 100 to equal my parents' accomplishment. But I'm willing to put in the effort, for the right man.
Do you wonder if you'll ever find a smart, sassy, secure and sensuous woman who has the emotional maturity, wisdom, sense of humor, depth of character and dirty mind it will take to make you excruciatingly happy?
Well...I don't know any women like that either. But since you're here, why not read MY profile to see if we have anything in common? ;)
Here are the most important things to know about me, for you skimmers:
• I'm a libertarian who is pro-choice on just about everything. (However, while I think you have a right to snort/inject/smoke anything you want, I'll assume you're an idiot if you actually do so.) Take The World's Smallest Political Quiz to find out if we're in the same quadrant.
• I voted for Ron Paul in the Primary and Gary Johnson in the General. I think it's likely the economy with crash within the next couple of years, leading to civil unrest, so...
• I really like the idea of moving somewhere semi-rural and living a solar-powered, off-grid, self-sufficient life. Possibly in a geodesic dome house. With an aquaponics system.
• I don't have or want kids and have serious doubts that I could be a successful stepmom if you have little ones at home.
• I'm an entrepreneur working like hell to become a big-time marketing and PR consultant, so I work a lot of hours.
• I do not have casual sex with strangers (shudder). My ideal match doesn't either. You will have to pass an STD test before we ever got naked.
• I do not date married men. No exceptions. I don't care if you're separated or if your divorce is "almost" final. Go away until you're single.
• I will ask for your photo ID on the first date (to confirm your age) and I will do a background check (to confirm that you're not a felon or married) before getting serious.
• I'm an agnostic Pastafarian, and in fact, have recently become an Ordained Minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
• Aside from Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, I have very little interest in organized religion. The blind faith + irrationality + self-righteousness + desire to control my life is a turn-off. However, some religious people are just lovely, and if it works for them, more power to them.
• I don't think anyone owes me a living (or anything else), and I don't think I owe you one either. So if you voted for Obama because you're a fan of wealth redistribution, we're not a match and likely never will be.
• I am here to find True Love with one amazing man. (Yes. Just like in "The Princess Bride.") So...while it's sweet of you to offer, I'm NOT interested in a three-night stand or a drunken hookup or the occasional booty call or to be one heifer in a multi-cow herd. (That's why I'm ignoring your IM.) I'm looking to be one-half of a kick-ass man/woman team, building a lifelong love together. However, I realize that this is a long-term goal and don't expect it to happen overnight. And I don't make commitments lightly.
• Unless you're independently wealthy, set your own schedule and can fly here to see me at least once a week, a long-distance thing is unlikely to work out. I'll be spending as many weekends as possible with my dad for the next few months to keep an eye on him as he tries to survive the loss of my mom.
Okay, those are the biggest deal-killers, so if you've made it this far, you're one in a million. May as well keep reading. :)
And here's something important for you "players": if the word "soulmate" isn't the first word in your reply, I'll assume you didn't read this far and thus don't merit a response. If you ask me (in broken English) to contact you on Yahoo immediately, you get blocked and flagged for spam. Mmmkay?
Yes. My profile is extremely long. I've been on OKC awhile now, and every time someone asks me a new question, the answer ends up in my profile. Just a heads-up, if you send me a one-sentence email that says, "tell me more about yourself," it will be deleted because I'll be forced to assume you can't read, and I have a strict policy of only dating the literate.