UPDATE: I lost my wonderful mom recently, suddenly and unexpectedly. She and my dad were married for 49 years. Their relationship wasn't perfect, and neither one of them was perfect either, but somehow they were perfect for each other and made it work.

It is daunting to realize that I'll have to live to be about 100 to equal my parents' accomplishment. But I'm willing to put in the effort, for the right man.

Do you wonder if you'll ever find a smart, sassy, secure and sensuous woman who has the emotional maturity, wisdom, sense of humor, depth of character and dirty mind it will take to make you excruciatingly happy?

Well...I don't know any women like that either. But since you're here, why not read MY profile to see if we have anything in common? ;)

Here are the most important things to know about me, for you skimmers:

• I'm a libertarian who is pro-choice on just about everything. (However, while I think you have a right to snort/inject/smoke anything you want, I'll assume you're an idiot if you actually do so.) Take The World's Smallest Political Quiz to find out if we're in the same quadrant.
• I voted for Ron Paul in the Primary and Gary Johnson in the General. I think it's likely the economy with crash within the next couple of years, leading to civil unrest, so...
• I really like the idea of moving somewhere semi-rural and living a solar-powered, off-grid, self-sufficient life. Possibly in a geodesic dome house. With an aquaponics system.
• I don't have or want kids and have serious doubts that I could be a successful stepmom if you have little ones at home.
• I'm an entrepreneur working like hell to become a big-time marketing and PR consultant, so I work a lot of hours.
• I do not have casual sex with strangers (shudder). My ideal match doesn't either. You will have to pass an STD test before we ever got naked.
• I do not date married men. No exceptions. I don't care if you're separated or if your divorce is "almost" final. Go away until you're single.
• I will ask for your photo ID on the first date (to confirm your age) and I will do a background check (to confirm that you're not a felon or married) before getting serious.
• I'm an agnostic Pastafarian, and in fact, have recently become an Ordained Minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
• Aside from Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, I have very little interest in organized religion. The blind faith + irrationality + self-righteousness + desire to control my life is a turn-off. However, some religious people are just lovely, and if it works for them, more power to them.
• I don't think anyone owes me a living (or anything else), and I don't think I owe you one either. So if you voted for Obama because you're a fan of wealth redistribution, we're not a match and likely never will be.
• I am here to find True Love with one amazing man. (Yes. Just like in "The Princess Bride.") So...while it's sweet of you to offer, I'm NOT interested in a three-night stand or a drunken hookup or the occasional booty call or to be one heifer in a multi-cow herd. (That's why I'm ignoring your IM.) I'm looking to be one-half of a kick-ass man/woman team, building a lifelong love together. However, I realize that this is a long-term goal and don't expect it to happen overnight. And I don't make commitments lightly.
• Unless you're independently wealthy, set your own schedule and can fly here to see me at least once a week, a long-distance thing is unlikely to work out. I'll be spending as many weekends as possible with my dad for the next few months to keep an eye on him as he tries to survive the loss of my mom.

Okay, those are the biggest deal-killers, so if you've made it this far, you're one in a million. May as well keep reading. :)

And here's something important for you "players": if the word "soulmate" isn't the first word in your reply, I'll assume you didn't read this far and thus don't merit a response. If you ask me (in broken English) to contact you on Yahoo immediately, you get blocked and flagged for spam. Mmmkay?

Yes. My profile is extremely long. I've been on OKC awhile now, and every time someone asks me a new question, the answer ends up in my profile. Just a heads-up, if you send me a one-sentence email that says, "tell me more about yourself," it will be deleted because I'll be forced to assume you can't read, and I have a strict policy of only dating the literate.

I'm running a small business, trying to keep up with the constant changes in my field, and trying to have a life. Sometimes I manage to do all three at the same time.

I fantasize about living on a mini-farm out in the country. I love gardening, and I really like the idea of self-sufficiency and off-grid homesteads (yes...I read The Mother Earth News.) I have appreciation for the "prepper" mindset. After Hurricane Ike most of our city was without electricity (I was in the dark for nine days) and I quickly realized how unprepared I was to deal with Amish living. I live in the inner city now and would love to relocate to a more rural area, but no more than 30 minutes from a WalMart. :)

Since I was introduced to OKCupid by Our Noodly Lord, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, I believe my Soulmate is probably also a Pastafarian. (Visit The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to learn more about my beliefs, and why I dress as a Pirate as often as possible.) I'm very pleased to announce that I have just become an Ordained Minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and can probably perform legally binding* weddings.

*However, I'm not a lawyer and have no idea what I'm talking about when I say "legally binding."

Taking things apart to figure out how they work...AND putting them back together. Marketing. Public Relations. Writing. Swing dancing. Singing. Hypnotizing people. Grouping my shots. Creating costumes. Making jewelry. Renovating old houses (I probably have more power tools than you do.) Making people laugh.

Probably the Ron Paul t-shirt. :) Or my laugh.

Things I love:

Events that allow me to dress in costume, like Renaissance Festivals, Historic Re-enactments, and sci-fi conventions like DragonCon.

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Sci-Fi/fantasy: (the links take you to the Amazon page where you can read a synopsis) the brilliant Futurama, Joss Whedon's brilliant sci-fi series Firefly and the follow-up film Serenity, the new Battlestar Galactica, Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings, The New Doctor Who, Farscape, the quirky and sometimes kinky Doctor Who spinoff Torchwood, Star Wars (but only the first three films--you know, before George Lucas broke my heart), the original Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation (mmmmm, Jean-Luc Picard.....yum!), possibly my fave Star Trek incarnation, Star Trek: Enterprise, Dark City, The Princess Bride.

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Music: Big Band swing, jump blues, old R&B, show tunes, '80s, ambient, world music. Tom Jones: sexiest voice EVER!

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Favorite authors (just a partial list): Ayn Rand, Wayne Dyer, lover of reality, Byron Katie, George C. Chesbro, Dr. Phil, libertarian and self-help author Peter McWilliams, evolutionary biologist and enemy of irrationality Stephen J. Gould, Middle Earth creator JRR Tolkien, controversial consciousness researcher Julian Jaynes, Diana Gabaldon, author of meticulously researched 18th century historical novels, Elizabeth Peters' "Amelia Peabody" mysteries, Al & Laura Ries, Sue Grafton, creator of the Alphabet mysteries featuring private detective Kinsey Milhone. I recently discovered the the "Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter" series by Laurell K. Hamilton, and I'm now addicted.

I easily read a book a day...yum! Hell = a place with no books.

I love love love to sing, esp. Celtic dirges, 1940s torch songs, and show tunes. I would love to find a partner to make music with. And I absolutely love to dance...especially swing dances like Balboa and Lindy Hop, and Latin / ballroom. It would be amazing to find a love, life, song and dance partner in the same man. A Gene Kelley type, for example. ;)

The past few years have included a bunch of self-improvement and personal evolution, thanks to hypnotherapy, some brain-tuning neurofeedback, some awesome NLP work and support from a much-loved "fairy godmother." It's important for my future beloved to share my enthusiasm for introspection and self-improvement. You probably don't need to be a maniac about it like I am, but it would help if you were interested in things like NLP, hypnosis, and generally improving yourself and your life. I'm not perfect and never will be, but improvement is a constant goal.

Random things I enjoy: swing music in all its incarnations (Big Band, ragtime, Rhythm & Blues, Texas Swing), science fiction and fantasy, learning new things, figuring out what makes people tick, individualism, IDPA pistol matches, fixing things, meteor showers, offending the dogmatic, questioning "authority."

I spend a lot of time thinking about my soulmate. I think the world is full of fabulous men with whom I could co-create a lifetime of amazement. I also know what kinds of men absolutely won't work out, no matter how sizzly the chemistry...the married kind, the cheating kind, the can't-shut-up-about-his-ex kind, the communist or socialist kind, the anti-2nd-Amendment kind, the soon-to-star-on-an-episode-of-Hoarders kind, the rabidly-religious kind, the dumb-as-a-brick kind, the hygiene-optional kind, the drunk-and-disorderly kind, and the addicted-to-something-other-than-me kind. Y'all are just not my type.

If you are my man, in addition to being the same species, you’re kind, generous, thoughtful and intensely romantic. You can make me laugh and make me think.

You are introspective and self-aware. You're emotionally healthy--even if you've been hurt in the past (and who hasn't?) you've processed, learned, and moved on. A self-improvement mindset is *extremely* important to me. My soulmate is happily living in the here and now, not trapped in a painful past.

My soulmate has a secular, capitalist worldview and political leanings (libertarian or non-religiously conservative). He's financially secure, responsible, and goal-oriented.

If you're my soulmate, having learned from past relationships, you’re also ready for “the real thing” and are dedicated to being the best possible friend, lover and (eventually) husband you can be.

You don’t have or want kids (my strong preference) or your kids are grown and out of the house. I haven't spent any time around kids and I don't think I'd be a good stepmom (though friends tell me I'm being hard on myself.)

You also MUST be sane, sober, and drug/disease-free.

What I find sexy: real men who enjoy their masculinity and feel a duty to protect the people they love. (Yes, I’m a recovering feminist…please open doors for me.)

Because I enjoy historic reenacting, Celtic festivals and sci-fi conventions, I love men who are confident enough to let me dress them up like Aragorn, Rob Roy, or a colonial militiaman. :) If we're dating, I can guarantee that you will end up in a kilt at some point. Or perhaps even tights (if you have nice legs.)

I also have an embarrassing weakness for interesting accents...especially British, Scottish, Irish and French accents. Slurp. (Why does the word "naughty" sound even naughtier when it's said with a British accent?!?!)

If you'd like to apply for the position of Love Of My Life, drop me a note with "Soulmate" in the subject line.

If you want to wink, go ahead, but I'll treat it as I would a wink in real life. I'll smile and move on, assuming you're not interested enough to actually walk across the room and start a conversation.

Please DO NOT contact me if you have no photo or your profile is blank. I've put a lot of thought into mine, and if you can't be bothered...then neither can I.

Please DO NOT contact me if you feel the need to abbreviate three-letter words like "you" in your email. Uuuuggggh.