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28 Baltimore, MD Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 24-34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 4:11pm
5' 5" (1.65m)
Body Type
Full figured
Catholicism but it’s not important
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.

I kind of hate online dating. Making a "pitch" for yourself seems really unnatural to me, and I'll probably come across horribly. Hell, I probably have already. But, here goes:

I'm an outgoing person, always up for fun. This can be general "going to bars" fun (not much of a clubber), but a lot of times it's more bizarre things (Foamhenge in Virginia, for instance... if you haven't been to it, it will change your life.) I'm a pretty good writer and ashamed that this summary is not more poetic. I'm a woman of varied interests. I love weird and quirky museums, roadside attractions, etc. I get really into pretty much all holidays. I'm a secret fascist when it comes to the English language. I take pictures of everything. I have a problematically large collection of children's books, (as evidenced by my username, which I chose forever ago and apparently can't change.) I was obsessed with Betty White before it was cool. I think of myself as the lovechild of her character on Golden Girls and Liz Lemon. A dream of mine is to one day play a ghost on one of those TV shows where they re-enact people's personal ghost stories.

(Also, I haven't looked at my answers for questions since I re-activated my profile last month. I have no idea what I said. I can't read peoples' questions because they're too black-and-white and make me too quick to judge, I think.)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I generally take silly jobs out of necessity, so I'm trying to finally find something "real." I perform in an improv troupe and stand-up comedy on occasion (a loaded thing to tell people, as now I have to be consistently funny!) Basically my only talent is my charisma, which limits my options to "entertainment industry" or "cult leader," so it presents a bit of a challenge, but what I want to do (now) is write.I also want to travel a lot more. I hope to become a Jack (or Jill, as it were)-of-all-trades someday where I have the ability to do/work on many cool projects, and ultimately become one of those old ladies with lots of awesome stories.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making people laugh, and, in similar vein, seeing the humor in almost any situation, coming up with weird and fun things to do, telling stories, bonding with older people (they like me because I know who people like Herb Alpert are and pop culture references from like 50 years ago), and completely useless trivia facts. (If you need anything about The Muppets, sideshow history, or general mythology, I'm your girl!)

And, as corny as it sounds, I'm a very good friend (or so I've been told.) Family (not necessarily just in the "blood relative" sense, but having lots of people close to me that I care about and support/get support from) is very important to me.

...Also, cramming as much stuff as possible into a suitcase and still having it pass regulations. This is a talent I've realized only recently.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Depends on who you ask, really. Guys trying to hit on me would be inclined to say my eyes. Gross old men on the street generally say my butt.

If this is a roundabout question of asking what I think my most stand-out feature is, I'd say... well, probably my eyes. Everyone says that, but I have weirdly pale eyes that people often ask are contacts. I'd like to say it's my personality (I'm pretty outgoing and good at making friends, which is why online is a little weird for me and I probably come across rambly and insane), but, let's be real, who notices personality first anymore? :p
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books - Even though I was an English major, most of what I read is folklore/mythology. I love children's literature, but I also own an Encyclopedia of Serial Killers, so my interests really run the gamut. Huge David Sedaris fan, and similar authors to him. And, To Kill A Mockingbird, but who doesn't love that, really?

Movies - Harold and Maude, O Brother Where Art Thou, The Man Who Wasn't There, Roxanne, The Baxter, Vertigo, Shadow of a Doubt, Strangers on a Train, anything Mel Brooks or Christopher Guest. I love comedies, terrible 80s and 90s movies, horror (not necessarily gore) and especially awful slasher flicks. I also never get sick of The Addams Family movies or Hocus Pocus, and it's more or less mandatory that I'm with someone who appreciates A Muppet Christmas Carol and the splendor that is 1983's Sleepaway Camp.

Music - Most of the music I like can only be considered terrible and would not be out of place at a gay club in 1994. In fact, I'm not sure any guy I've been interested in has ever NOT mocked my taste in music. But I also like classic rock and classic crooners (Dean Martin, Peggy Lee and the like), and I LOVE Irish folk. Oh, and David Bowie!

Shows - Bob's Burgers is the only thing I make it a point to watch that's on now. Also: 30 Rock, most crime shows, those paranormal shows (but only with the ridiculous re-enactments!), and, as evidenced from my opening paragraph, I'm an unabashed Golden Girls fan.

Food - I'm oddly picky about certain things, but also up to try most new things. A paradox, I know. Also, as blasphemous as this is and as scared as I am to admit it off the bat, I don't like most types of cheese. I know, I'm a communist.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Colors, music, imagination/humor, compassion, wonder, occasional breaks from day-to-day life to enjoy nature. (I hate myself a little after reading this, too, but that's honestly what came to mind first.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Everything except for whatever I'm supposed to be thinking about. I'm a daydreamer.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Out - or in - with friends. Or on some weird adventure. I love quirky places to visit - museums, cultural festivals, etc - and am pretty good at seeking out atypical things to do. (Of course, I wouldn't be at a cultural festival on a Friday night since they usually don't happen on Friday nights, but you know.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
One time I played beer pong against a priest... and I lost.

This is a true story.

Adding even more insult to injury, the priest's beer pong partner was my father.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're a genuinely good and kind guy, but you're not above some brilliant snark. You're always up for a random adventure or some witty bantering. You don't care that I'm not obsessed with animals. If your ideal Valentine's day is getting liquored up and mocking romantic comedies.
…and you can quote 30 rock.

But, most importantly, that your message will sound like a human wrote it and not a spambot.