I'm America's number one Bell Biv DeVoe fan. Oh wait, wrong site. (That was my attempt at the best possible opening line. Thus far, it has proven itself exceedingly robust. Is it true? Browse my cassingle collection and decide for yourself.) Well, now that I have your attention, I suppose I should tell you a little about myself. If I must. Also, please enjoy this while perusing my profile.

I'm a man of varied interests, equally comfortable discussing 90s pop music as I am theoretical physics. I try to live in the moment, but I'm a habitual daydreamer. I dream of composing a symphony, penning the pulpiest novel, and becoming a professional bobsledder. I also desperately want a tiny house and wish people used the idioms "bee's knees" and "dollars to donuts" more often. I'd also like to be Ron Swanson when I grow up.

I'm easily distracted.

Please forgive my rambling rhetoric, internet peoples.

Presently, I can't stop dancing to this.
http://soundcloud.com/msmrsounds/ms-mr-hurricane-chvrches-remix

I'm seriously considering purchasing a Star Trek uniform. Thoughts?

I'm also working on a screenplay, tentatively titled "Police Dogs." It's about dogs that are cops, obviously. Oscar, please.

Otherwise, I work at an organic farm educating kids as to the many benefits and functions of sustainable agriculture, while debating whether to pursue a master's degree in environmental management, having already earned degrees in environmental studies and film. Someday I'd also like to be an apiarist, i.e., a beekeeper, despite being deathly afraid of being stung. My interest is purely sartorial.

Update: I have a new plan, open Portland's, and possibly America's, first insect on a stick food cart. Patent pending, so please don't steal this guaranteed moneymaker.

Badminton. Mitosis. Not being bored.

Puncturing Capri Sun packs on the first try. Seriously, I should get paid to do it. Pay me.

I also do two impressions, Ross Perot and Ray Romano. Can I finish?

Aside from my high kick, I have a rather large head. But I've heard that most celebrities have large heads as well, so I suppose it's not all bad.

Books: Catch-22, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Siddhartha, A Modest Proposal. Truthfully, I am sort of sick of white authors and I'm now in search of the black Mark Twain. Tips appreciated. (edit: My books arrived! I feel significantly less white. Just kidding. I'm still frightfully white.)

Movies: I have a film degree, so I obviously like movies, but I'm hardly a snob, as evidenced by the following list: Dr. Strangelove, Pootie Tang, Brazil, The Princess Bride, Sullivan's Travels, Willow, Jules et Jim, The Killing, Adventures in Babysitting (my middle name is Thor after all), Harvey, Big Trouble in Little China, Air Bud: Golden Receiver (solely for the title, I've never actually seen it)

Shows: Sealab 2021, The Wire, Arrested Development, Breaking Bad, Parks and Recreation

Music: I like this and that. Okay, so maybe this as well. At the moment I'm listening to The Cleaners From Venus.
http://pitchfork.com/advance/105-box-set/

For me, music is like comedy, nothing is off-limits. It's all about context (e.g. The Spice Girls). Some arbitrary categories:

Recently: Beyoncé's lil sis, Charli XCX, Grimes, Sky Ferreira, Kendrick Lamar, Frank Ocean, Vashti Bunyan, Kitty Pryde (rap game Taylor Swift), Ol' Dirty Bastard, The Jesus and Mary Chain, Bowie, Dylan, Sam Cooke, The Beach Boys, Skeeter Davis, etc.

Swedes Please: Air France, The Tough Alliance, JJ, The Embassy, The Radio Dept., Taken by Trees, Jens Lekman, Korallreven, Postiljonen, Niki and the Dove, Acid House Kings, Molly Nilsson, etc.

Exceedingly twee: The Field Mice, Belle & Sebastian, Allo Darlin', The Pastels, The Lucksmiths, Camera Obscura, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Brighter, Pipas,etc.

http://www.last.fm/user/nigocrates

Food: It'll be much quicker if I simply list the few foods I don't like: mayonnaise, ranch dressing, sour cream (yeah, they're all basically condiments), pretty much any white sauce-like substance, save for alfredo, and that's about it. I especially enjoy exotic cuisine, the more unusual the better. I try to avoid industrially farmed or manufactured food, for both environmental and ethical reasons. If I could afford it, I would adopt a bioregional diet. I'd like to eat like our ancient ancestors.

Bonus Category
Comedians: Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant, Louis CK, Paul F. Tomkins, Eugene Mirman, Kristen Wiig, Tracy Morgan, Tod Barry, Tig Notaro, Nick Kroll, Kristen Schaal, Doug Benson, Patton Oswalt, and Zach Galifianakis, to name but a few.

Mixtapes
The Sun
Karl Pilkington
Movies
Towels
Capybaras

Also, apparently, links, as this profile is now replete with them.

If I should start wearing meggings. I mean, when I should.

How antiquated the notion of currency is.

What hotter than infinity means, because scientists apparently just created such a thing using negative temperatures.

Gravity waves.

How to live forever or die trying.

Unorthodox solutions for a sustainable society.

The nature of reality. Have you heard about the holographic principle? And no, it's not related to Tupac.

If I should stop saying "that's so 2012."

The comma splice.

Working on a unification theory. Chasing ghosts. Eating pizza. Drinking beverages. Laughing. Living. Forever.

I'm almost ashamed to admit I've never seen a single episode of Law & Order. Though I'm considering starting just for the ominous "chung CHUNG" sound.

I sometimes (read: most of the time) don't wash my colander and instead just rinse it off before putting it away. Shh... don't tell.

I like talking during sex. Not dirty talk. Just chitchat, movies, current events, regular stuff. (Sadly, this isn't true (at least not yet), but is, in fact, paraphrased from Seinfeld.)

I may or may not have numerous "Tom Haverford" profiles. (Hint: my favorite movie is books.)

I rarely listen to NPR. Oh, the horror! I like being informed, just not by the radio. That's for my jams.

I've never used an emoticon. This is not private, but it is pertinent. (Edit: I used my first emoticon, a penguin, but I don't think that counts.)

I'm afraid of ghostwriters.

If I delve any deeper my delicate sensibilities might be offended, as my Southern upbringing forbids my from answering such tawdry questions.

You're winsome and whimsical, and don't take yourself too seriously. You enjoy pizza parties, indie pop (if you're a fan of Sarah Records, I'll likely fall in love with you instantly), vintage things, umbrellas, reading, writing, comedy, film, intellectualism, pie charts, etc.

Or if you're interested in subconscious human attraction and its connection to the heterozygosity of our genes.

Or if you realize that according to string theory there's likely at least one alternate universe where you've already messaged me.

Or if you want to take ecstasy and go see Riverdance and/or High Noon. (Joke? Not a joke? You decide.)

Or if you want to knit a hat for my larger-than-average head. Seriously, I need a hat. Baby, it's cold outside.

Or if you want to start a soapbox derby team.

Or if you want to watch Spice World. (I've never seen it!)

Or if you're an aviatrix.

Or if you want to play melodica in my post-twee jazz pop band, Kissing Cousins.

Or if your pajamas have a turtleneck.