OkCupid is Free Online Dating.

(this did not happen to me, it was some chick on craigslist upset)

I really, truly would not have missed my pink razr cell phone too much if it had STAYED missing. You see I lost this cute, functional but not too fancy phone on the light rail on the way downtown the other night. I didn’t really confirm its absence until I got home 6 hours later and realized my phone was definitely gone. Gone in the not anywhere way and it was 2 in the morning so I decided to deal with it in the morning and fell asleep.

Bad decision. It gave you time little phone finding twerp. IT gave you far too much time.

Now, I like any other twenty something of the tech generation…used ALL of the functions on my phone: texting, video, photos, you name it I did it. Along with being tech savvy, I am also a fucktard in that I never thought twice about any of sordid photos of myself or others that might be on my phone…nor did I think about locking it so that no one other than me could access said sordid photos if I ever lost it.

I didn’t really even THINK about how foolish this is…until I went into work and checked my messages…

First from my father: “Um honey…you must have been having quite the time last night, you missent me a message…”

Then my sister laughing hysterically and telling me to call her.

And finally my mother: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?! WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME NUDE PHOTOS OF YOURSELF?! THIS IS UNCONSCIONALBE!”

By the end of the message from my mom I was almost vomiting. It took me a nano second to realize what had happened, you see, some punk, probably a kid with far too much time on his hands decided ( after he got done jerking off to my nekkid pics) that it would be AWESOME to forward them to EVERYONE in my address book…

Fucking.Wonderful.

Now …I’m pretty okay with being naked, I tend not to wear clothes at all in the summer around my house, leg warmers and a thermal shirt in the winter am usually in some form of undress when my time is my own. I’m cool with nekkid, we like each other...we get along like bread and butter, milk and chocolate, cigarettes and beer.

What I do not go well with is…utter mortification.

My parents.
My sisters.
MY BOSS
My ex boyfriends
Pseudo boyfriends
My friends and sort of friends
Random gents that I met once or twice and exchanged numbers with
The Vet
My hairdresser

All of these people got my nekkid pictures and guess what? Two or three of them upon getting the photos, decided that it was about time to have a sordid, sexual text fest with me...now all embarrassment aside, its pretty fucking funny to think about a bunch of grown men texting furiously with a horny little sub-16 year old with a hard on for trouble…I have to give the kid props…but I also have to say this:

KID! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! FRIENDS? THAT’S FUNNY. MY VET? THAT’S BORDERLINE BEASTIAL BUT STILL FUNNY.MY GAY HAIRDRESSER? CONFUSING BUT STILL HILARIOUS MY EX’S? I CAN HANDLE THAT…TEXTING WHAT TURNED OUT TO BE MY CURRENT LOVER? THAT’S FINE, I GET TO TEASE THE SHIT OUT OF HIM NOW…
BUT MY POPS? MY MOM? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KID, I AM NEVER, EVER GOING TO LIVE THAT DOWN!

My mother now thinks I am a desperate, fallen women and no amount of begging, pleading, or future grandchildren will fix what you did.

So here it is kid, here is how you rectify this horrible failure in decision making skills. You find me. You call any one of the numbers in that phone…perhaps the one labeled WORK…I come and get you, bring you to my mother and make YOU explain what the fuck you were thinking when you decided to send her any number of photos of me wearing no clothing. I am praying to god none of them were from the black out drunk birthday party a few months ago. Once she is done shoving evangelism down your throat in an attempt to save your mortal soul, I’m going to take you over to my father so you can give him the same story...after that my gay hairdresser, my coworkers and friends and my lover….I’m, saving my lover for last so that I can laugh at the two if you standing around awkwardly eyeing each other…cause I know meeting face to face is what you want to do after the HOT things you said the other night.

I don’t want the phone back…well I did like it but I got a new one.
I don’t even really what the photos back...you can keep them, burn them, tell your friends I’m your new how girlfriend, just don’t put them on the internet. What I do want is for you to THINK the next time you are ever in a situation like this…seriously kid… there’s a fine line between funny and fucked and you crossed it…if you believe in instant karma, know that you just accrued a whole lot in the negative category, like enough for you to contract a little known venereal disease from a Malaysian hooker whilst on a future sabbatical, give it to your wife and unborn child and consequently mess up future generations of punk kids that were meant to spring forth from your loins…yeah that bad.

I know I must be picky but i'm just sick and tired of meeting fuck twats.

if any ONE of the following applies to you, do not message me.

if you are:

A Leo, (the astrological sign) don't know what it is, but for some reason, the majority of these people that i have met are completely unstable.

are emotionally unstable,
take medication for your mood swings,
have smoked pot with one of your parents and thinks its still ok,
have smoked Crack, or meth with one of your parents,
have kitchy shit all over the place with no real theme or collection,
have father issues,
are lazy all the time,
talk to your pets, (its worse if you do in a baby voice)
talk to babies in a baby voice,
would rather spend your money on weed than pay your bills,
NEED weed to help you out everyday emotionally,
have smelly cats,
don't realize you smell like your smelly cats,
are jealous of me because i take care of my things,
talk about the same stories over and over again to me with no new company around,
if you break shit all the time,
don't know how to parallel park,
don't signal when changing lanes,
break hard on someone's ass in front of you,
over all just not taking care or LEARNING how to take care of your shit that YOU bought, then again if you didn't purchase it, i'm sure someone will buy you whatever you want,
lie to me,
consider my close personal long term friends your friends by association, if that's what they want that is fine, but don't hang out with them to stalk me,
if you actually clean your car once in a while, or your room/house/apt and not hire someone to do it for you when you can do it yourself (meaning you have plenty of time to)and then not complain about not having money,
drop names like it matters to me,
being "hollywood" i.e saying you are a DJ and all you do is plug in your ipod and set it to your playlist for the night,
have a tattoo of your ex boyfriend's name on you somewhere,
have that tight nasty skin with crows feet because you used to smoke crystal meth,
wear flip flops/ sandals everywhere, and with pants/slacks, guy or girl i will step on your fucking toes you fucking hippie,
dread your hair, or get dread lock put on because you are "artsy",
are politically fashionable , being "green", being a vegan, being gay (which is so ten years ago), the newest one being polyamorous,
for the record i'm a democrat but i hate Obama, the senator from Il, where i'm from, the fucker promised shit in his own state and never delivered, instead he ran for president, so no matter who wins the election coming up, we're FUCKED , its just a matter of how much,
go by a name that isn't your birth name or name on your drivers license,
you tell people you are an avid reader, when in actuality you read cosmo, bitch, or romance novels,
have huge gums as in when you smile your upper teeth are tiny and you have huge gums,
don't floss which causes you to have serious bad breath from the food stuck in your teeth rotting away,
don't brush your tongue either,
have no sense of true style or are basically a follower i.e
have tattoos across your chest or back or back legs that look like any number of girls that would belong to suicide girls, or godsgirls, or a rock a billy chick,
not that there is anything wrong with these girls, but have some sense of individuality, not just oh i think thats cute so i'll get that,
the use of the word CUTE,
repeatedly use of one word over and over, such as, LIKE, FUR SURE, totally, yeah, Um, huh, right, nice, the list goes on..
are a burlesque dancer but are part of a troop that has no formal dance training, you just do it for fun, but the fun just turns out to be a bunch of fat chicks dancing for their friends and friends of friends, which we all do get a good laugh at the first few times, but seriously improve or get off the stage,
likes to wrestle guys/my friends topless,


I usually don't dwell on this shit, but i'll have to come back and finish this list up.

gotten the best of me. I have spent about 6 weeks maybe? on here, and i've meet some great people, others not so great, and the rest are just not my cup of tea.

if you would like to keep in touch that's fine, message me and i'll give you my email, other wise to the two guys i've chatted with on here LaPhillyBoy and Ronaldinyo, i'm sure i'll meet up with you guys at some point later. As for the ladies, thanks for being so sweet and kind, especially GinAnimal, who i would love to meet up with but highly doubt that is going to ever happen.

I think i'm spending too much time online as it is, and would rather just spend it reading books about "whatever suits my fancy" at Boarders until some nice girl starts flirting with me. You'll never ever catch me in a coffee shop.

so I say ado, maybe i'll be back in a few years, maybe i won't be in this country, maybe i'll pass on, who knows.

all i know is life is too amazing to spend it online.
ciao-

Anthony.

Heaven, a gateway, a hope
Just like a feeling inside, it's no joke
And though it hurts me to treat you this way
Betrayed by words, I'd never heard, too hard to say
Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
I'll find my soul as I go home.

Each way I turn, I know I'll always try
To break this circle that's been placed around me
From time to time, I find I've lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe
Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
I'll find my soul as I go home.

Oh, you've got green eyes
Oh, you've got blue eyes
Oh, you've got gray eyes
Oh, you've got green eyes
Oh, you've got blue eyes
Oh, you've got gray eyes
And I've never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I've never met anyone quite like you before
Thoughts from above hit the people down below
People in this world, we have no place to go
Oh, it's the last time
Oh, I've never met anyone quite like you before

Omg, I love this nu band called Warsaw, they're so çoolé. I can't wait until they tour the states. yay.

LEADERS OF MEN.

Born from some mother's womb,
Just like any other room.
Made a promise for a new life.
Made a victim out of your life.

When your time's on the door,
And it drips to the floor,
And you feel you can touch,
All the noise is too much,
And the seeds that are sown,
Are no longer your own.

Just a minor operation,
To force a final ultimatum.
Thousand words are spoken loud,
Reach the dumb to fool the crowd.

When you walk down the street,
And the sound's not so sweet,
And you wish you could hide,
Maybe go for a ride,
To some peep show arcade,
Where the future's not made.

A nightmare situation,
Infiltrate imagination,
Smacks of past Holy wars,
By the wall with broken laws.

The leaders of men,
Born out of your frustration.
The leaders of men,
Just a strange infatuation.
The leaders of men,
Made a promise for a new life.
No saviour for our sakes,
To twist the internees of hate,
Self induced manipulation,
To crush all thoughts of mass salvation.

Post here what you would think a date with me would be like, or just make one up.

If you are a guy, you can post too, but know that we're just hanging out as buds, not anything else.