More metatextual, less metrosexual.

Simultaneously self-important and self-deprecating, yet somehow sincere about it.

Puppeteer, raconteur, and friendly sales-guy.

When I'm not doing any of those things, I am often finding excuses to be either drinking or on stage. Sometimes both.

Being ridiculous. Being serious. Ridiculous drawings, ridiculous voices, ridiculous human. Serious reasoning, serious earnestness, serious human.

Putting peanut butter on things. Food, I mean.

Making inanimate objects move in a convincingly lifelike manner. Making myself move in an unconvincingly lifelike manner.

Either that I am too quiet or too loud, depending.

Book: "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" by Ken Kesey. Misogynist, sure, but mindblowing. I've loved many books by Philip K. Dick, Kurt Vonnegut, Neil Gaiman, Haruki Murakami, Tom Robbins. The best thing I've read in the past couple of years was Jonathan Lethem's "Chronic City". Kelly Link's "Magic for Beginners", Miranda July's "No one belongs here more than you", Audrey Niffenegger's "The Time-Traveler's Wife", and Jonathan Safran Foer's "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" were the heavy hitters before that.

Movie: Brazil, The Royal Tenenbaums, O Brother Where Art Thou?, Wall-E, Magnolia, Mulholland Drive, Pee-wee's Big Adventure, The Muppet Movie, The Great Muppet Caper, Schizopolis, Brand Upon the Brain!, Dancer in the Dark. I'm not listing multiple films by the same writer/director, but you can assume with most of these that I'm a fan of these folks' collected bodies of work.

Shows: Six Feet Under, The Venture Brothers, Arrested Development, Doctor Who, House, NewsRadio, The Mighty Boosh, Breaking Bad. I don't know whether I'd call American Horror Story a favorite, but I've been enjoying the heck out of it this season.

Music: They Might Be Giants, The Residents, Eels, Man Man, Tom Waits, The Real Tuesday Weld, Laurie Anderson, Tiger Lillies, A lot of the folks I really love seem to have one foot in performance art. I must be pretentious. I could listen to "Silent Shout" by The Knife on repeat for a month. http://www.last.fm/user/mrblame

Food: If I were a rich man, it'd be sushi. I'm not. It's the burrito.

Black jelly beans, sushi, peanut butter, unusual art, whiskey, debate. If by "could never do without" you mean "will accept from you if you don't want".

Legit(ish) list:

Pen and paper count as one thing. That's a fact.

Singing or shouting or reading out loud. Which is to say, the ability to express myself vocally.

Naps. Because I'm a 7-year-old. Or a 70-year-old.

The network of lovely and talented people who are my friends and family. Seriously, guys, I have great taste in people.

My hands. "That's dumb," you say, "they're attached to you and of course you have them." I know, I know. But I get really paranoid about what life would be like without them. I can imagine going blind - not so bad. Going deaf would suck a lot, but I could deal. Losing smell or taste would be sad, but as long as I checked expiration dates I'd probably be okay. But when I imagine myself with no hands, I can't really think of that person as myself.

Annnnd let's say stimulating conversation. Fortunately, those come naturally when you combine my 2nd and 4th things, but I don't want to take it for granted.

We're going to take food and water and shelter as a given here, right? 'Cause I'd hate to be taken away by an alien race who referred to this profile for my care and feeding and interpreted it in a tragically literal sense.

where the magic is. Following it.

shunning routine.

I simultaneously love and dislike humans. It gets confusing.