Someone please tell me why I feel this way. Lately I have been feeling so empty, no not just lately, a lot of the time...like there is no one out there for me. Everywhere around me I see poeple with their significant others, and they look so happy, and I think to myself, "god, I want that", I deserve that...after all the heartbreak I've gone through, and all the waiting I think i do. See to me, the good guys aren't worth my time, and the one's that are worth my time aren't good for me and end up hurting me. I just wish I could find one person, who would sweep me off my feet, we'd have so much in common, and they would make me laugh and like me for me. I had found that person, but he wasn't the whole package, and because he didn't have everything I was looking for, I ended communication with him. this is what i always do, this bad habit of being so picky, and having a checklist for every guy who comes into my life, looks, stability, personality, they never have it all...and so I keep waiting, thinking he will come into my life soon enough, but he never does...so I waste my time with guys I know aren't right or good enough for me, guys who are the most gorgeous you have ever seen, but inside they are grotesque...and I can never bring myself to form a relationship with them. In fact, I have never even had an actual relationship, and to this day it hurts me so much that I haven't found anyone, I mean, out of the billions of people here I can't even find one...and its such a terrible pain because I want to find love more than anything, I have so much love to give but no one to give it to...and little by little the heart starts to lose faith. they say not to look for love, that it will come to you...but how can I do that when i want it so bad? But I guess I will just continue to wait, I mean, what other choice do I have?

i've been to hell and back. i trip over myself, i spill shit, i laugh like i'm an idiot, i cuss at people i don't know, i talk shit and get myself caught up in stupid things. drama, i start it and i can finish it too. i get into trouble, i make trouble. im not too smart when it comes to drugs and alcohol. i mess up. i fuck up. i screw up. i take a hit and i stand up like i wasnt even touched. the pain is worth it because it makes me realize that i cant just blink my eyes and have it all go away, or tap some red shoes together and go back home. evrything that hurts is worth it because i FEEL it. life is real. and yes i'm messing it up every day in every possible way. people ask if i have regrets? hell to the fucking no! because at one point i'll think back, laugh, and remember the hell of an interesting life that taught me a lesson. i'm on this earth for a reason. making mistakes doesn't make me less of a person. it makes me stronger than i already am. learn the hard way, get my punishment, understand the reason of discipline, have no complaints and no regrets. eyes open, chin up, mouth smiling, deep breathes. we're ALIVE and we were made to learn from the stupid shit we do. so sit back and enjoy the fucking show. life is what i want it to be, the power is mine and in my hands to make it what i want. blink once, think twice. noone can tell me how to live MY life. and i refuse to let them take over my wheel. once your in my car your gonna get the ride of your life. so hold on tight, put on your seatbelt, 'cause its gonna be a bumpy ride.

Hey I'm Yarissa and this is how i'm wired...So I was walking down Miami beach and I noticed a storm was coming, then I thought WOW I REALLY WANT SOME SOUR PATCHES. But when I got to the park, I noticed that there were furbys everywhere, and all I wanted to do was go surfing but that stupid fish nemo kept hogging all the cheese dip. So I was like dawg I can't breathe with the smell of Kim's Vagina, so I went scuba diving in my bath tub where I found the key to life....BOOKS...But some bitch decided to check my carpet stains and I was so happy to see that George bush is a homosexual. Well if you think about it...Ozarka water came from the spring where I take shits every morning, and I love how yellow complements my skin tone don't you think? Abs are totally over rated, I mean just yesterday Britney Spears was my idol, and it made my pickle tickle to think that door knobs are useless. But it's all good because pink airplane match the moon... But on the real If it's one one thing I've learned especially in the past year it's that there are a hell of a lot more people in this world that are here to bring you down... then there are to be real with you. and it sucks because I tend to believe the best of people, forgetting that we live on planet earth. So yeah; and on that note... why dwell on the past, life is such a wonderful thing, the fact that we can start over a new day everyday is a wonderful thing in itself. I can't waste my time thinking about what I could have done differently to make life better but to accept the fact that we all go through crap. Learn to love yourself for who you are and become the person that you so desire to.

Most mornings I have spent the whole night awake because of myhorrible insomnia, and all the millions of things going through my head, i stay up until 4,5,6, or even 7 in the morning...then I sleep til about 9:30 or maybe 9:45 and I'm up again...

But the last two nights I've gone to bed before 2:30 in the morning (yay!)...and I have been able to see the sunrise!
There is something quite amazing about watching the sun wake up the day...it feels as if you get to see the day as a blank canvas...full of opportunities and newness. When I wake up later, I always feel like I have to catch up...ha ha ha

Another thing I thought was....how the first thoughts you think...can make or break your day...
Whatever you think about...becomes your priority.
If you wake up thinking about how bad your life is....how you can stop thinking about someone....how you are angry, hurt, or frustrated......what kind of day do you think you're going to have? ha ha ha ha
If you wake up...thankful that you can walk or see, or have a home...thankful that God is shining love, like the sunshine...into your heart...
and you think about your dreams...how you are going to shine love into other people...smiling, saying a kind word, helping someone, holding the door open for the person behind you...giving a compliment...
Today (and everyday), whether you get to witness the sunrise or not...start your day off with only the best thoughts...put hurtful or discouraging thoughts out of your head...and choose only the thoughts that will better you...
We have to choose to manage our emotions or they will ruin our days and nights...!
And if you feel your emotions are too powerful...they are only as powerful as you let them be...if your heart is broken...begin to say, no....I'm not going to let this other human being that hurt me....rule my day and night...if they hurt you...they certainly don't deserve the power to rule your day. Only let people that make you feel amazing and inspired and loved...effect your day. The others don't deserve the right to that!
Think about things that are good, positive, loving, encouraging....and all kinds of dreams! Speak kindness and encouragement to others....when you pour love into others...you'd be surprised how it has a boomerang effect and comes back to your heart too!
:)

believe... Everyone deserves to be forgiven once but is there really such a thing as a second chance... We all know that deep down inside forgiveness is not an easy thing no one ever really forgets the pain that someone caused them and are we wrong for not wanting to forget that pain... Why is it that we fall in love and allow ourselves to be hurt again when we already know how the story will end....? Theres always someone whose trying to crush your dreams, so always believe in yourself and your capabilities to succeed in life, set your standards for yourself not by the standards of others because only you can achieve your goals and dreams. I..ve learned that only i can blame myself for my falls and disappointments, everything you do effects you and only you so be careful of the choices you make, because somehow it always comes back to you(believe me on that). I love life, and the feeling I get from helping people out. I am a loyal person, I don't talk shit, trust me I don't say things I wouldn't say to your face, I keep secrets, and I am honest. I am confident and know who I am and I am grateful for everything I have and everything I experience. My privacy means the world to me… Don..t lose sight of who you are, and never let anyone question your values and beliefs, you have the right to be an individual without prosecution. Have pride in who you are and never let the "small" people effect you, because in the end your all that matters, so dont feel as if you have to justify who you are to anyone, because a person who matters wont judge you for what they see but what they know. The path to success is going through failures and enduring pain, that also goes with everything else in life, you just have to know how to deal with it and move on forward. DON'T frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile :) lol Its all about having faith in yourself; You can only go as far as you push, no one else in this world will believe in your dreams as much as you will, ACTIONS speak louder than words. DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.Theres always a brighter day tomorrow, so strive for the best, LIFE'S SHORT. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it. People are often fake, arrogant, and unreasonable; Forgive them anyway...If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, mysterious motives; Be kind anyway...If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway...If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway...What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway...If you find happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway...The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway...Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway... :)

What's in my head....
everyone says music = life. for me, it's more than just an expression.suck at math!! & i'm a technology junkie. i'm also into arts; singing, acting. dancing. photography. i'm incredibly politically active. national/international news most people my age don't even know that it plays a large role in our daily life and our near future; which meansYOURS. get informed. stay informed. i try to express myself through what i wear and am very much a "mood dresser". fashion + makeup are art forms. if you know me in real life, you'll have noticed i have a genre of different clothing styles...yes i am different yes i LOVE it.
i believe in beauty=brains and am not ashamed of my intelligence, my vocabulary, or my values. i am who i am. those who are important to me can/do accept me and love me for just that.
if you can't, consider it your loss.
what do i feel...
emotional. spontaneous. charismatic. devious. ambitious. empathetic. manipulative. affectionate. dramatic. contemplative. wild. human.
i am a walking contradiction, i get lost. i get found. i make mistakes, some worse than others. i am far from flawless and i know it. but as an old friend used to say, "your imperfections are what make you perfect." even though i made decisions in my life that might tarnish my past and my present and my future, what's done is done and life is truly too short to regret.
i'm searching for my reason for living. sometimes i still don't know why it is i get up in the morning, but i hope to find out.
i try to live to the fullest. sometimes i forget. but one thing i never forget to do is laugh.
what do i love...hmm
fire + passion + strawberries : RED!
hot pink + black : COLOR.
myspace + facebook : INTERNET CRACK.
frappuccinos + frozen yogurt : YUM.
hugs + hugs + hugs : MORE HUGS!
clothes + makeup + shoes : SELF-EXPRESSION.
photos + poems + diaries: MEMORY~
wishing on stars + chasing cars : DREAMS <3
animals + nature : REAL TREASURE
friends + family : TRUE SURVIVAL KIT.

So i've been getting a lot of questions from my friends asking me for advice on how to deal with breakups. well my heart has been broken, stomped on, and smashed so many times, and im such a loving, caring person, i love to be loved, i love loving people, and like whenever i dated someone, my whole world would revolve around them. and breaking up it ruined me, it ruins everyone, you think your never going to find somebody like that again, no ones ever going to say the cute things they said, you're never going to have as much of a fun time, no ones ever going to be as loving, no ones ever going to be as cool, cute, dresses great, likes the same things you like, and you always find someone else, but i know a breakup can crush your heart and your spirit and make you feel so depressed and lonely.And i can't even tell you all the times my heart has been broken, and each time i thought each person was the perfect one, and i couldn't live without them, and then they'd cheat on me, and thats the worst feeling in the world. but one, i want you to know it's NOT you. because i have friends, they're beautiful and gorgeous and they're boyfriends cheat on them and i'm like, what the heck is wrong with you why would you cheat you have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. and its not you its them, they're the one with the problem. they obviously have something wrong with them where they don't know how to be loyal, they don't know how to be faithful, they're going to chase after whatever they see, they're the one that has the dysfunctional problem not the girl, the girl has nothing to do with it, she's innocently going on her way, and then some moron your dating is going to go cheat on you, and they're the one with the problem, not you. so know that.And know when you break up, that feeling that comes over you where your like "i'm never going to find somebody again" instantly stop thinking those thoughts. i have friends who are like, "i want to see what he's doing on myspace, or facebook" some girls i know even have passwords to their boyfriends email and they go in and read their emails! first of all thats crazy, don't do that. or they go and talk to girls they know, thats just weird and you shouldn't be doing that, and two, its just going to upset you more. you want to just seperate yourself and forget those thoughts, the sooner you stop thinking about them, the sooner your going to be on your path to feeling normal again. so even all those urges when your like, i want to call him, i want to tell him this or that, you don't need to do that, you don't need to see what they're doing on myspace, or anywhere else, the sooner you forget about it and move on and say, you know what i'm wonderful and getting rid of this person is getting me one step closer to finding the person thats right for me.So many times i thought, oh this was the best guy in the world, and then with the next guy i'm dating, i'm like i'm so glad it didn't work out with the last one because this ones a hundred times better. i mean what if i had stayed with that loser? so keep yourself moving on, you want to focus on the good things and know that theres someone out there perfect for you, they're going to light up your world, they're going to match up with your personality and help you be an even better person than you already are. you don't want to be with someone thats mean, that makes fun of you, that puts you down, that talks about liking other girls, talks about strip clubs, talks about their favorite movie star, how they want to marry whoever's on tv, you don't want those kind of people. you want someone thats going to be in love with YOU, and thats going to adore you and cherish you, and make you feel wonderful and special. and if your not with someone like that then wait until you are with someone like that, because i guarantee you, somewhere in the world that guy is waiting and praying for you, thinking where is my perfect dreamgirl at? and the sooner you get all these other idiots that make you feel horrible, and not right out of the way, the closer you are to finding the right one. So one, do not concentrate and think about that person, everytime that thought of them comes into your head and your like, i wonder what they're doing, i wonder if they're thinking about me, i wonder if they're with someone else, and this or that, you have to take control of your brain and say NO, we're not going to think this, i don't care what they're doing, i'm going to think about what is the perfect person that i do want, think about the ideal person that you want, how do you want them to treat you, what things do you want them to be interested in, waht values do you have that you want to share with them, think about that future person and all the things that you want, and don't think about that other person. I even had a friend who had me write a list, and its really funny because i found this list recently. and i wrote all the bad things i didn't like about the guy after we broke up, and here's what i put: "he's careless, hurtful, selfish, doesn't even call to see how i'm doing, is hanging out with other girls, checks out other girls, he's to flirty, too cocky, thinks he's always right, judgemental, isn't understanding, not considerate, cold, and unkind." and it's like, when you give someone a diamond, and they don't even know how precious it is, you are that diamond. and make sure whoever you are with knows how precious you are and adores you, because if not your just wasting your time. so it helps to make a list, and know all these things. and i love that song that goes "god bless the broken road that brought me straight to you" and it says "every broken heart, every long lost dream of hope for someone, all of those broken dreams led me straight to you." and i think thats the most beautiful thing, because everytime your heart is broken know that its for a reason, that its leading you to the path of the right person. so try not to think about that other person, think about the one you want to be with. concentrate on that and then you won't think about wasting your time thinking about that other person in the past. so i hope this helps if your going through a breakup, if you've been through a breakup, i've been there, everyones been there too, your not alone, but you have to be alone to find that perfect person. and you never know how your going to meet them. and its so encouraging to know that theres someone out there for you, and waiting for you, so don't give up on finding that one person thats right for you :)

Love imperfectly. Draw outside the lines. Take a detour. Make mistakes. Be dorky, be nerdy, bve spunky, GO CRAZY!!! Be an oxymoron, embrace irony, stand out in a crowd. Forget flawless and think unruly. Laugh yourself silly, be delerious with color, dance without shame, enjoy now. Forget the future and just love madly. Sanity is questionable. Feel an impulse? Act on it. Light a soul on fire. Skip the drama, share endless thrills, scream and shout at the top of your lungs! The ooh's and ahh's of a kiss are unforgettable. There are no restraints in love. Stand out. Be loud. Never, i repeat NEVER hold back. Imagine the possibilities. Dream. Hope. Be optimistic. Dont forget to FEEL. Feel happiness, feel embarrassed, feel touch, feel anger, feel enraged, ecstatic, hysterical, feel loved, wanted, needed, feel surprised, feel overwhelmed, confused, feel like never before. But dont forget to feel. No limits, no boundaries, only love makes life beautiful. Surround yourself with, ache for, live for, and feel love. Love is adventurism, madly mesmerizing, fuel for the soul, twirling in delirium, a journey with no end. Life is too short to worry. Smile. Be happy. Be shameless. Indulge. Seduce the senses. Passion is the essence. Embellish. Play, leap, turn, spin, laugh, go, dive, swerve, flip, run, skip, jump - love...Be silly. Dont make sense. Be an idealist. Be abstract. Life is messy so relish it and you will never cease to amaze.

Needy guy: overly emotional and shares all his feelings right away. Doubts himself and needs constant reassurance about everything.

Sexual guy: every conversation has something to do with sex, this is the type of guy who's brain is in his penis. And makes it known.

Predictable guy: follows a schedule and never wants to do anything differently…EW

Douchey guy: checks out other women while in my presence. Very flirty and brags about his past conquests. No respect to women PERIOD.

Cheap guy: invites me to dinner and then suggests I pay my own meal. Makes me feel on a tight budget from the very first date.

The arguer: turns every conversation into an argument. Makes me feel like I’m in a debate class.

remember when you didnt have to worry about relationships. You didnt have to question your friendships. And you never worried about heartache? Sometimes I wish I could go back to being carefree. But then again, what would I have learned if I never hurt? it made me realize who I was. Now I have to admit, growing up is really hard. I never was scared of it when I was younger, actually I assumed I was already an adult when I was five. I thought I knew everything. I still do. Even when I was thirteen, I didnt see anything changing, everyone always said oh things are going to change quickly so be ready I never got that. I am 18 now and gosh...life is changing so much. It got so much harder. Its like in one moment you realize how much you and the people around you are changing. I think sometimes you need a wake up call...or maybe a few wake up calls. For me it took a few.Sometimes the things people do, it changes your life and your perspective on things. Like sometimes the people you trust and care for the most...hurt you the most. People make mistakes, its part of growing up. You never imagine yourself going through certain things, I never expected myself getting hurt like I have been. But pain is inevitable. Sometimes you just have to move on, move past the things that brought you down. It's hard to say it at the time, but life goes on. Sometimes you just need time. And sometimes its okay to be alone. I have a hard time seeing this. I am so used to having a crutch, that when something goes wrong, I have a hard time standing alone. When it comes to guys, it is hard to let go. It always will be. Life is just like that, it never was or will be easy. No matter what you do, you cant shield your heart from pain. You grow from mistakes. You mature with heartache. And you learn from love. You can never forget the people that came into your heart, and thats okay, because they were there for a reason, you should not forget them. Sometimes its okay to give second chances, but other times...it is really time to let go. When you love someone, you let the good in with the bad. Sometimes it hurts to move on, but when you look back, you will see it as one of the best choices you ever made. If a guy really cares for you, then they will find you. You cant run to them...and you cant keep going back. You have to realize that love will always find a way and time can heal everything.
So growing up...it isnt half as bad as its made out to be...and making mistakes...its part of life...last and certainly not least....falling in love...is one if the biggest risks in life..but what is life without risks. And always remember...dont move to fast that you cant keep up with yourself...stop for a moment and take in life...because it goes by too fast to not..