What is it called when you have a dream about someone you haven't seen or talked to or thought about in a long time, and in the dream you fall in love with them, only to wake up, realize it was a dream, but find yourself attracted to them in real life because of what transpired in your sleep, even if you never had any feelings for them prior? Does anyone know or have any of you experienced the same event?

Last night I went to bed thinking of my last girlfriend whom I broke up with in January. It's been over 10 months since we split (it was a rough break-up and while I didn't want to leave her I knew I had to) and I still think about her every day, even more so at night. I still feel terribly in love with her. I had a dream about her last night - that she came back to me and we were together again. Unfortunately I was awoken from my REM utopia by the smell of holiday turkey in the oven and a cold draft on my legs. I haven't been able to shake the image of her for a second. It's been a rough day. I just keep replaying Roy Orbison's "In Dreams" over and over in my head. I wish I could find someone else (unlikely to be on OkC) to fill that particular void inside me. My bad. Here I go getting all Morrissey on you guys, haha. Happy TG.

- J.D.

A candy-colored clown they call the Sandman
Tiptoes to my room every night
Just to sprinkle stardust and to whisper,
"Go to sleep - everything is all right."

I close my eyes
Then I drift away
Into the magic night
I softly say
A silent prayer
Like dreamers do
Then I fall asleep to dream
My dreams of you

In dreams I walk with you
In dreams I talk to you
In dreams you're mine
All of the time we're together
In dreams
In dreams

But just before the dawn
I awake and find you gone
I can't help it, I can't help it if I cry
I remember that you said goodbye

It's too bad that all these things
Can only happen in my dreams
Only in dreams

I love how dating comes so easily to certain people. I am absolutely fascinated by how a person can meet someone, there's a mutual attraction, and in no time and without any complication, they begin dating. I've never had that luxury. I've always wanted to experience it. Always wanted to just meet a girl that completely blows my mind within the first few hours of knowing her, and vice-versa, ask her on a date or even jump right to the point and begin a relationship quickly, smoothly, and without any hurdles. Maybe it would last for days, or weeks, years, or even a lifetime - that is not the point. Every relationship I've ever had (and they have been few and brief) has only come about after lots of difficulties. One of us was hesitant to enter into anything, or the attraction wasn't mutual fast enough. I guess I'm just not the kind of guy a girl sees and knows almost instantly she wants to be with. I guess they have to get to know me to be the least bit interested.

I've had two pseudo-relationships in my life. One was long-distance, lasted three months and I do believe with everything I am that I was in love with her, because despite the heart-wrenching and bitter breakup, I still am in love with her. The other isn't even worth mentioning. The girl was beautiful, artistic, redheaded even, but we just weren't compatible...plus I found out she was cheating on me..so..fin.

The girls that tend to develop crushes on me are hardly ever my type, and the girls I fall for either catch on right away, despite my best efforts, and toss me into the "friend" category (it does exist), from which I either never can nor care enough to get out of (or have loss interest in once they decide they want more).

I'm interested and interesting - I'm funny, charming, warm, sweet, confident, sensitive...essentially everything romantic comedies tell a guy he should be to get the hot chick, but only after she's done the football team and feels bad for herself. I even do the badass thing pretty well. I mean, I'm an Actor so I can pull off most anything, but it does me little good. Whatever the gene or pheromone is that women are instantaneously drawn to upon meeting a man - I don't have it. Maybe it's the hair or the smile or my personality which is lacking or just plain not inviting, I don't know.

However, as a note to the exciting, beautiful, confident people out there who have been born with a great head of hair, piercing eyes, shiny teeth and animal magnetism...don't take it for granted.

- J.D. =]

What exactly does it mean when a girl you like tells you that when she sits next to you on a couch she wants to lay down and cuddle with you, but knows she shouldn't because she doesn't want to ruin our friendship?

I mean does that mean she really likes me or is it just something she's saying to make me feel good without actually having to be interested in me. Is "not wanting to ruin our friendship" code for "not interested because I'm just not attracted to you?"

Girls have turned me down over the years, but I've known this girl since the end of July, she knew I was interested in hr way back but she had a boyfriend. We became close, her and the guy she was seeing broke up, one of my "friends" was interested in her but she quickly grew tired of him even being around. I found out last night that she let him cuddle with her and kiss her when she broke up with her bf because she "needed to be held." Now I'm pissed because I had finally gotten over her when, a few nights ago, she told me since I got over her she's been jealous of the other girls I like because I don't like her now. And after admitting to being short-lived "friends with benefits" with this other guy, she wants to be cuddling with me but doesn't want to "ruin our friendship." I dunno wtf to think. Whether we date or not is one thing, I just wanna know if she seems genuinely interested in me or really is just leading me on. I think if she wasn't interested in me as potentially more than a friend then she wouldn't have even brought up the whole wanting to lay with me thing, but wtf do I know, right?

I liked this girl, we'll call her Anne. Over the summer we got to know each other and become good friends, but she had just begun dating another guy long-distance. So I backed off. We remained close friends but she knew that I wanted more. She broke up with her boyfriend back in early October and wasn't too affected. I thought that maybe I would have an opportunity to start something with her, but, in the words of Phil Lynott, late lead singer for Thin Lizzy, from the song 'Romeo and the Lonely Girl,' "I thought I would move in, but before I could the lonely girl had fallen in love again."
Yes, it was a crowded field there for a while. Well I eventually lost interest and we stopped talking as much as we had been. She no longer had my undivided attention and, after a long conversation, I took her advice and tried to find someone new. Well a few days ago Anne told me that she missed talking to me like we used to. I apologized and told her that honestly I just know her really well now (in fact she has told me on numerous occasions that I know her better than anyone else) and don't feel the need to spend hours and hours talking to her every day. Then she asked me about a girl on my MySpace page and asked if I liked her. I told her I did. She then proceeded to blow up at me. The next day I caught her online again and asked her what the issue was. She admitted to me that now, essentially because she was no longer my main focus, she was jealous. She was jealous that I liked another girl. I told her I understood and it was okay that she felt jealous because emotions are nonsensical. I also told her that, while I did like this other girl, I was not going to date her because I don't think it would work out. A couple days past and we were talking online one night. The other girl, the one I've known longer than I had known Anne and have a small crush on, was also online. I told Anne I was tired. She told me I should go to bed (no shit). I happened to be busy downloading some music at the time and told her I was going to crash but not right then. Anne, quite smugly, told me she knew why I wasn't going to bed. I inquired as to why. She said because my "girl" is online. I took offense because I had made things quite clear and found her behavior to be quite rude. I told her it upset me and she flew off the handle saying that I don't care about her anymore because I never IM her first. Truth be told, I never initiate instant messages. I told her she was being immature and rude and is quite selfish and the way she behaves is the reason I don't talk with her like I used to. Seems every time we talk she does nothing but drone on about herself and her problems, never discussing anything I bring to the table. She told me I wouldn't have to worry about her childishness anymore because she was never talking to me again. It has been about 4 days now and I have yet to get even a simple apology from her. I feel that I am owed one. Am I the one out of line here? I don't believe that I have anything to apologize for. She had her chance with me and she wanted another guy. She has no right to be rude and disrespect me and my friends now just because I'm not gonna bend over backwards for her anymore.

I'd really like some feedback from YOU OkC'ers though!

...'nuff said.

One of my favorite actors of all time.

At the game last night, some girl thought I might be gay because I was wearing a black wool topcoat (it was 50 degrees and raining), glasses, and my hair looked "feathered." THAT is the kind of town I live in - any guy not in camo and baseball caps is considered a homosexual or too well-dressed. Hicks have yelled "faggots" at me and my friends on a few separate occasions. This town is so very very saddening.

Also, is it just because I'm in Maine or am I the only one who knows the difference between a topcoat and a trench coat?

I'm really very curious about something of late. I just turned twenty last month and ever since I've been wondering when things change - like when the transition from adolescence to adulthood really is. I'm not talking in the medical or biological sense, but of mentality, especially when it comes to the subject of relationships.

I consider myself a pretty mature person in the ways that matter most. I consider myself a man. I put family and friends first, and all others ahead of myself. I will jump between two people to prevent a fight and I'll talk out a solution, but I'll still defend good people and individuals I care about to the ground. I take care of my mother. I don't lust after sex or run around trying to "score." I do my best to help out anybody in a time of need, regardless of my own situation. When relationships don't work out, I'm mature about it and I make sure that I'm still there for that person should they ever need me, no matter what my feelings are. The last thing I want is to hurt somebody, and I'd rather be hurt than hurt them. I am a good guy. As much as I hate being the 'knight in shining armor' type - I still am that person. I have a hero complex and I lend myself to fixing the world. Being the hero or the rescuer, the therapist, etc. is hard for me and it doesn't reap any rewards, in fact more often than not it ends up putting me in a position where I am open to being hurt. That's who I am and I'm not whining or complaining or questing to change who I am. That is all mere context. I write all that so that what I am about to ask makes sense:

When do girls grow up?

When do they stop looking to have as many relationships as possible with the same type of self-serving guys and start aiming for long-term, meaningful relationships with a good, steady guy? It seems that my female peers are always spending their days bouncing from baseball-capped, shirtless myspace picture-having guy to baseball-capped, shirtless myspace picture-having guy.
It occurred to me last night that after all these years of just trying to find a hot girl to call my own, that looks no longer mean what they used to to me. I was in a place jam-packed with young, hot girls and not one of them did anything for me. It's hard to find a girl who's different - they all seem so alike. Sure, they may be physically stunning, but I'm tired of the same immature bullshit I get from them on all channels. I'm tired of the game-playing, tired of shadiness, the lies; all that. I'm looking for a girl who's different and that I can care about. I'd rather have a 7 who's truly different and who really cares about me, than a 10 who is as selfish as the girls I'm always running into.
So girls, I have to know - when does this pattern of behavior change? Am I going to have to wait for my mid-twenties to find a steady, mature person to be with? My thirties? Is it so much to ask for to find a girl my own age, or at most a couple years give/take who is looking for more than another guy to add to her roster of stooges? Am I doomed to wind up playing therapist to princesses with daddy issues who are hung up on ex-boyfriends from years ago while they run around with beer-bong-guzzling pricks?
I just thought that, by this point in my life, ladies would be over these little girl games and ways and would be looking for something more fulfilling with a person who's reason for considering himself a man lies beyond the fact that he drives a mustang and has a tattoo of the John Deere logo on his tricep, or has banged two cheerleaders in one night.

I guess what I'm really wondering is when I'll find a girl who's as mature as I am - one who actually deserves me. I've been pursuing a beautiful girl for a while now and I realized earlier that she's not worth it, not different; she's just another little girl like all the others. I felt pretty jaded for a while, but I'm over it now and wondering when things will change and I'll meet somebody worth my time - worth pursuing a relationship with. I've never found a girl who I can trust all the way, who makes me feel nothing but good about myself and about life and the future; who doesn't make me worried. I. Want. That. Girl...if she's out there, that is.

Holy twenties, Batman!

August 14th, 1988 - Bienvenue, petit Michel. I'm not sure why I said that in French.

Anyway, I'm officially 20 now, at least on paper. Technically I wasn't born until 7:58 am but nobody else goes by that. Hm.

I am reminded of a Smiths song...


Unhappy Birthday:


I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)

Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I say "No, I'm gonna kill my dog"
And : "May the lines sag, may the lines sag heavy and deep tonight"


I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)


Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I said "No"
And then I shot myself
So, drink, drink, drink
And be ill tonight


From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Oh, unhappy birthday
Behind
Behind
Behind

So yesterday was my college orientation.

Well...sort of.

Odds are I won't be attending. In fact I'm about 99% sure I won't be attending. I went because I've been deferring since 2006 and figured I may as well get a feel for the whole thing before I make my final decision between school and moving to Texas with my best friend.

Now I've been out of school since June 2006, so returning to academia after such a hiatus was a bit of a culture shock, but nothing too bad. It honestly felt just like being back in high school. It was disgusting. Don't get me wrong, I have many fond memories from my days of secondary education, but all that is in the past and I have no real desire to return to a life of assigned reading, schedules and term papers.

However, I did throughly enjoy once again being constantly surrounded by hordes of beautiful girls. There was this one blonde girl who introduced herself to me - she was absolutely stunning, 10 out of 10. I wish I could remember her name...

Hm.

At any rate, I know for a fact that I could be king of this place within a month, should I attend - I'd be Van Wilder. The truth, however, is that I would be lying to myself if I thought I'd be going for anything other than the chance to date the most beautiful girls on campus.

You see, I'm an Actor, and I don't need to spend the next years of my young life paying other people who are nowhere near as talented as I am (those who can, do; those who can't, teach) telling me how to be an Actor. Acting is about life and life experiences, and I intend to collect, but on my own time.

I did have fun, though.

P.S. If you're reading this, hot blonde girl, please, let me know. Also, same goes for you, cute redhead girl, shy brunette girl with glasses, artsy dark-skinned girl with the mole on her cheek who kept drawing on her paper, girl in jacket, curly blonde girl with the big eyes, and hot topic girl with the really great butt.

Why do girls seem to think that "having been through so much" with their boyfriends is a good thing? Seriously. A couple weeks ago one of my friends calls me, crying and upset, telling me how she's depressed and feels used-up. Apparently her asshole ex boyfriend had, in her words, "used me for sex for 6 months and never loved me," and she felt that she was mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted. She told me she was staying in her room all day, that she wasn't talking to people and she was smoking like crazy. THEN, out of the clear blue, a few days ago she starts dating him again and he's back to being the world's greatest guy!

Her MySpace profile now says "I love my boyfriend Jack to death. We've been through so much it's amazing. If you try to come between that there will be a beatdown."

WHAT THE HELL?!?!

That is the same thing MY ex did. She went and took back her ex after telling me how much she hated him and how he destroyed her. That's why her and I split because she decided she wanted him back, despite the fact he's awaiting a trial for shooting a girl in the head.

Can someone please explain this rationale to me?

Wouldn't it be better to NOT have had to put up with loads of shit? I mean if I had the choice between a happy relationship filled with love and all that with girl A or a rocky, turmoil, infidelity-fest with girl B, it wouldn't be a CHOICE at all!

Listen up, ladies. I can't believe I have to say this to you but, seriously, it's a BAD thing when a guy cheats on you and uses you just for sex. IF you have to put up with his bullshit every day, it is ALSO a bad thing. It's NOT good to be unhappy in a relationship. Just because you've forgiven the rat bastard for fucking your best friend and now you guys are back to doing the no pants dance, DOESN'T mean everything is going to be better now. IT WON'T.

Find a guy who never makes you feel bad and stick with him.

Dayum.