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MortvilleBound

28 F Bristol, UK

My Details

Last Online
Today – 10:16am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Curvy
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Sign
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Medicine
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t want kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"To do then now, would be retro. To do then then was very nowtro"

50p to whoever correctly identifies that film quote.

I'm a nervous, neurotic, enthusiastic, friendly, kind, greedy, curious, lazy and constantly hungry marmoset. I mean, girl.
I make the best salt caramel you've ever tasted and know more about Alan Partridge than is entirely healthy.

Who photographs kebabs?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Looking after lovely older people, Drinking.Baking.Procastinating.Dreaming.Eating.Dancing.Plotting your doom. Attempting to become Liz Lemon.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
- Making and eating chocolate truffles
- Drinking too much and making inappropriate comments
- Being hugged. I'm soft and squishy (see first point)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The Jewish conk. Not my favourite body part, but hey, I'm stuck with it until my self-esteem dips low enough for me to consider surgery. Ahh, self-deprecating humour, aint it the greatest?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I'm constantly in a state of guilt that I reread old favourites rather than challenging my brain with new stories. I generally prefer fiction, but I couldn't pinpoint a favourite genre. I've enjoyed a lot of Christopher Brookmyre. I finished my first Pratchett recently and loved it.For easy, cosy reading, you can't beat a Bill Bryson.
Movies: Comedy. Horror. And that's all I will say on the subject. Oh...go on then. In The Loop, Hellraiser, Troll 2, Audition, Ichi The Killer, Visitor Q, Inside, The Descent, Dog Soldiers, Evil Dead 1 - 3, Braindead, Bad Taste, Meet The Feebles, Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, I'm a Cyborg, Donnie Darko, Knocked Up, Little Miss Sunshine, Day Of The Dead, Cloverfield, The Devil's Rejects, The PowerPuff Girls Movie, Planet Terror, The Naked Gun Trilogy, Spinal Tap, Best In Show, Waiting For Guffman, The (original) Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Royal Tenenbaums, Pink Flamingos, Desperate Living (of course) Female Trouble. Oh fuck it, most John Waters.
TV: I appreciate fine trash.This is my excuse for watching RuPaul's Drag Race and I'm sticking to it. I also love: South Park, Futurama, Black Books, Alan Partridge, The Day Today, Brasseye, Spaced, Father Ted, Coupling, League Of Gentleman, Psychoville.....
Music:I've always been a bit shit at music. I mean, I can dance (awfully) to it. I can even, when pushed, check out a track on Spotify. But somehow I've never really been good at hunting out new artists, purchasing albums and really getting into bands. So there we are.
Food: ALL OF IT. Give it to me. Alright, so I'm not a fan of anything containing coriander. Or chilli. Or coffee. Or any fish or seafood. But I'm a sucker for a big hunk of meat (ooh err missus) anything carb-based (noodles, potatoes, pasta, rice GIVE ME CARBS) and a few interesting flavours. And sweet. ANYTHING sweet., I'd chew your arm off if it was chocolate coated.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Why 6? Bit of a weird arbitrary number. Why not 5, or 3 or even 10? I realise this is not answering the question but I had no interest in answering it anyway.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
- Did the cat on that 'Lost' poster make its way home? I dearly hope so.
- Why the fuck are some people so concerned about gay marriage? What difference does it make to do you that two same sex (or intersex/trans whatever) people will have the same rights as you?
- Do I really want that chocolate brownie?
- Where did this bruise come from?
- Is Liz Jones for real?
- How awesome drag queens are. If you think drag starts and ends with Lily Savage, check out Sharon Needles, Detox, William and Jinkx Monsoon. Werk it.
- Why are macaroons so fucking hard to make?

For more on the workings of my feeble little mind, enquire within.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Researching new recipes. Attempting to appear sophisticated by ordering an expensive cocktail and then regretting it. Dancing like an uncoordinated chimp. Making unfunny witticisms and laughing my head off.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Has anyone ever answered this question honestly?
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 27–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're tall and stubbly with a filthy glint in your eye.
You know what a fuck shit stack is.
You're willing to be fed chocolate truffles (Failure to praise truffles will result in a smack with the mixing spoon)
You know the difference between you're and your. Seriously, I am a grammar SNOB and will correct you.
You're up for watching insanely good or insanely bad horror films.
You can talk yourself hoarse about a subject you're passionate about. The subject doesn't particularly matter but if it's window insulation I may drift off.

P.S if you have a passion for the gym and treat your body as a temple....we're not likely to get along.