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32 Oxford, UK Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 3:49am
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body type
Strictly anything
Cancer, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Poorly), Other (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
On the dark side of the moon and out of radio contact.

Turn-ons: Loud music, hooded tops, skeletons, masks, shallow graves, Santi Cazorla, 420, cartoons, Joanna Lumley, screaming, your mother.

Turn-offs: Daylight, people, cops, Arsene Wenger, weak rope, police dogs, helicopters, your father.

My sexiest feature? Probably my compassion. Or my tenacity. Or the fact my chest is hairless and as clean as a tub of Sudocrem.

My Myers-Brigg type is BAMF.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work for an IT recycling company. I know that screams "Nerd!" but the more you know about me and my incredibly dodgy employers, the more you'll know that is false. It's the best job in the world, I get paid to smash up Apple Mac's and look at your 'My Pictures' folders. You'd be amazed how many people actually keep porn there.

Working with computers also enables me to participate in 3 of my greatest passions on a daily basis; sitting down, surfing the internet and shouting at inanimate objects. It also enables me to download high-definition pornography at around about 30Mbps and maintain a 24/7 connection to World of Warcraft.

Geek jokes upset me and I do not get turned on by technological advancements, although this might change when they finally design a robot that gives the perfect blowjob while streaming live Arsenal matchs on a HUD.

I'm sad to say I've had to take a second job in these austere times and so have recently started selling speed & mephedrone to the school kids around here. Business is pretty good, so good infact that I've had to start cutting in rat-poison & household cleaners so I don't run out. I've also started sniffing glue down at the playing fields and mugging elderly people with my boys in the ASDA car-park crew.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
kerb crawling.
pirating software.
not returning calls.
playing guitar.
being facetious.
mixing drinks.
making unfunny jokes/writing bad profiles.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The blue air around me, the hot head & cold shoulders, the third eye. Tattoo's, which are hard to miss. After that would be the stupid grin that makes it look like I'm up to no good, which is usually the case.

Later, they will notice my ass, which is fantastic. I like to keep it in shape by sitting down as much as possible and doing absolutely nothing.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
My favourite music is heavy metal, followed by drum and bass and hip-hop but I'll listen to & appreciate pretty much anything due to the fact I djed back in the day and was a bit of a vinyl junkie. Just like my mind and wardobe, my record collection has few frills and is second to none. All three haven't been updated in the last 10 years either.

Ask me about my love for Kool Keith & Kriss Kross. I love checking out new bands and genres, and get hyped about discovering awesome musicians I've never heard of before.

I've also played guitar on and off for about 15+ years now and have a mini-studio setup at home which is pretty awesome.

Music's always a good conversation topic with me because I can talk for hours about gigs/festivals & bands I love and even longer about those I hate. If you're the same I'm sure we'll get on great :)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Arsenal F.C,
Hooded Tops,
One Directions address
5 Bullets
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
when do Arsenal stop being shit again?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
dancing with the Devil.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Last week, I "digitally enhanced" a girls picture on here, to see what her T-shirt was hiding. I wasn't let down!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're classy, smart and a little bit crazy with a sense of adventure.