On the dark side of the moon and out of radio contact.

Turn-ons: Loud music, hooded tops, skeletons, masks, shallow graves, Santi Cazorla, 420, cartoons, Joanna Lumley, screaming, your mother.

Turn-offs: Daylight, people, cops, Arsene Wenger, weak rope, police dogs, helicopters, your father.

My sexiest feature? Probably my compassion. Or my tenacity. Or the fact my chest is hairless and as clean as a tub of Sudocrem.

My Myers-Brigg type is BAMF.

I pretend to work in the IT department of a fairly large company and have done so for the last few years now. I know that screams "Nerd!" but the more you know about me the more you'll know this is false. Working in IT just enables me to participate in 3 of my greatest passions on a daily basis; sitting down, surfing the internet and assigning blame to other people. It also enables me to download high-definition pornography at around about 30Mbps.

Geek jokes upset me and I do not get turned on by technological advancements, although this might change when they finally design a robot that gives the perfect blowjob while streaming live Arsenal matchs on a HUD.

I'm sad to say I've had to take a second job in these austere times and so have recently started selling speed & mephedrone to the school kids around here. Business is pretty good, so good infact that I've had to start cutting in rat-poison & household cleaners so I don't run out. I've also started sniffing glue down at the playing fields and mugging elderly people with my boys in the ASDA car-park crew.

football.
kerb crawling.
pirating software.
not returning calls.
playing guitar.
being facetious.
mixing drinks.
making unfunny jokes/writing bad profiles.

Probably the thousand yard stare or tattoo's, which are hard to miss. The smoking, the smell of fire & brimstone. Somebody nearby is probably crying.

Right after that is the stupid grin that makes it look like I'm up to no good, which is usually the case.

Later, they will notice my ass, which is fantastic. I can sit on that thing like nobody's business.

You can stop looking at it now. Seriously. My face is up here!

My favourite music is heavy metal, followed by drum and bass but I'll listen to & appreciate pretty much anything due to the fact I djed back in the day and was a bit of a vinyl junkie. I've also played guitar for about 15+ years now and have a mini-studio setup at home which is pretty awesome. Thankgod for obscure, invite-only Russian torrent sites.

Pantera, Ion Dissonance, Machinehead, Skeletonwitch, Pitchshifter, The Absence, Within the Ruins, After the Burial, Metallica, Sepultura, Sikth, Stampin' Ground, As Blood Runs Black, Vision of Disorder, Kyuss, Silent Civilian, Blotted Science, One Minute Silence, Clawfinger, Faith No More, Orange Goblin, Textures, Vacant Stare, Noisia, Foreign Beggars, Canibus - I could go on for days so I'll stop now!

Ask me about my love for Cliff Richard. I love checking out new bands and genres, and get hyped about discovering awesome musicians I've never heard of before.

Music's always a good conversation topic with me because I can talk for hours about gigs/festivals & bands I love and even longer about those I hate. If you're the same I'm sure we'll get on great :)

Lucozade,
Guitar picks,
Arsenal F.C,
Stimulants,
Hooded Tops,
One Directions address
5 Bullets

when will Arsenal stop being so shit.

dancing with the Devil.

Last week, I "digitally enhanced" a girls picture on here, to see what her T-shirt was hiding. I wasn't let down!

You're classy, smart and a little bit twisted with a sense of adventure.