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MrCostanza

46 M Alameda, CA

I’m looking for

  • Women who like men
  • Ages 30–49
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Science / Engineering
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Japanese (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
After 10+ years of living overseas - one year in England and a little more than 9 years in Japan prior to that - I've only been back in the Bay Area since 2011. I am a divorced father of three, having my two oldest sons (19 and 17 y/o) living with me and my 14 y/o daughter living in Japan with her mother. After working for a very large international financial information company for six and a half years, I took a redundancy package and returned to the States. A big part of why I agreed to take a package had to do with growing tired of spending 20-25 days a month on the road (spent 15 of 18 months travelling at one point), although it did allow me to visit a number of places across Asia. I've lived in Sydney, Australia as well as Singapore and have spent extended periods of time in Manila, Hong Kong, Seoul, and Geneva. I'm originally from New York but mostly accent-free after being out of the city for so long. (however I can occasionally be overheard saying something with an Australian accent or interspersing Japanese words amongst my English sentences...not a linguist by any stretch, just happened to have picked up words & sayings from different places)

I've spent quite a bit of time on myself, working through what's important and what's not. Understanding who I am and where I want to spend my energies. I'm pretty comfortable with who I am and where I've gotten to in life, but that is not to say that I am done and have it all figured out.

In conversations over the years friends have described me as an optimist, a dreamer, a romantic, a great friend and a really good guy - and I'm ok with all of those tags.

And because I've been asked about it: INFP
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm looking forward to the second half of my life. Not that it's going to be 'better' but definitely exciting and enjoyable, mostly because I am a different person now. One who is better suited to deal with all that life has to offer. Upon returning to the States, I was able to take my first (and most likely ever) professional sabbatical. During that time I had taken drawing classes, creative writing courses, volunteered at my children's school, and acted as team manager for my sons' soccer and basketball teams, among other things. While I've enjoyed these things I think I'd definitely prefer to be a working man rather than a man of leisure (although I wouldn't say 'no' to a large inheritance from a wealthy relative)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Seeing things that others don't/can't/won't. For some reason I have the ability to ask questions, connect the dots, propose solutions, take chances, & generally find answers to help resolve an issue, move something forward or challenge the status quo. This has served me well in my professional career, providing me many opportunities to advance and be recognized. Unfortunately in my personal life, this 'skill' can come across as bluntness, directness or just plain aggressiveness. So I've worked hard to ensure that I add a big helping dose of empathy, kindness and patience when I am dealing with others. I work hard to try and not approach my personal relationships as problems to be solved but rather as conversations that should take place. More listening, less talking. Seeing through another's eyes. Walking a mile in their Manolo's, as it were. While not perfect, I would like to think that I am mostly successful at this. Of course, like most things, there is always room for improvement.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Not sure about this. I guess it would be my eyes, my smile and/or my confidence. Perhaps you can tell me?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Not meant to be an exhaustive list but rather a representative one

Books/Authors: Harlan Coben, David Sedaris, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Malcom Gladwell, Clive Cussler, Eckhart Tolle, Jonathan Franzen. Patricia Cornwell, Paulo Coelho, "Eat Pray Love". I read a lot of self improvement, psychology, leadership, motivation, management, leadership.

Movies: LOVE classic films. Casablanca, The Thin Man, Marx Brothers, Hitchcock, Sunset Boulevard, Ocean's Eleven (old & new), The Bourne movies, Daniel Craig's James Bond films, the most recent Star Trek, the original Star Wars, Blazing Saddles, Old School, Zoolander, The Third Man, Maltese Falcon, The Big Sleep, The King's Speech, The Blues Brothers

TV: 30 Rock, Seinfeld, American Dad, Family Guy, Walking Dead, Downton Abbey, PBS Nature, Nova, Modern Family, New Girl, Happy Endings, a number of PBS shows, The Daily Show, Dr. Who, Sherlock, Hell on Wheels

Music: a big jazz fan - Wynton Marsalis, Dan Nimmer, Sara Gazarek, Hiromi Uehara, Lavay Smith, The Cure, The Smiths, The Ramones, Foo Fighters, Keane, Muse, U2, Parachute, Maroon 5, Train, Frightened Rabbit, The Black Keys, Muse, Snow Patrol, Kasabian. and one of my all time favs...Prince (I've seen him 34 times in 3 countries now. yeah, I know.)

Arts: I am a very big fan of theater. From lavish musicals, to thought provoking plays, difficult dramas, to revivals. When I lived in NYC I used to attend the theater 2-3 times a week. If I find myself with time on my hands I'll head to a museum. I find myself pulled towards the more modern work, abstract in particular. I'm also a fan of dance leading to the only 'reality' show I watch, So You Think You Can Dance. I wish I were more artistic myself (playing an instrument or acting or painting) but for the moment I'm happy just to be able to experience these things.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A rather arbitrary number (and not even the 'norm' when it comes to lists - Top Three, Top Five, Top Ten, etc) but if I had to....

1. My kids
2. Music
3. Art (see above)
4. New York City
5. Chinese food in a white cardboard box or pizza (preferably both from NY)
6. the ocean

and to show that I'm a wild man, I'll go with number 7 - the NY Mets (this shows that while I enjoy sports, by supporting a quasi-professional team like the Mets, I don't take it too seriously and I continue to have hope for and belief in a better tomorrow and a more prosperous future)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
whether or not I've prepared my children well enough to lead lives of their own. I'd like to think that I've done my best but every now and then something happens or something is said that makes me wonder if I really have done everything I could have to help them be prepared for adulthood.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Relaxing at home. Catching up on the DVR. Attending a basketball or soccer game for my boys.

Happy to expand my Friday night activities to include some of your favorites.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Happy to admit anything at all. Absolutely anything!....once we get to know each other.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
* If any of the above is of interest to you (or you want to learn more about any of the above)
* If you are looking for a serious relationship and willing to commit to one person (not interested in the whole poly-amorous thing currently going on)
* If you don't mind that I have kids but understand that I am NOT looking to have any additional children (if you have teenage children - or older - of your own, that's absolutely fine! I do love kids and they love me, but I am done with the lack of sleep, changing diapers and all the rest of those special moments that come from raising a child from birth)

To be explicitly clear: I DO NOT WANT ANY MORE CHILDREN. I'm not sure why this has happened but I've gotten to a few 3rd, and in one case, 4th date, before being told how you are interested in children (biological or adoptive). I really wish I didn't have to be so blunt about it but please don't waste your time or mine. There are lots of great men out there that are probably interested in starting a family. I am not one of them. While everyone's situation is unique and these aren't hard & fast rules, I think that 8-10 years old and older - teenager, out of the house - and I'm the guy for you. Birth to 5-6 years....probably not who you are looking for. Again, apologize for the directness but for some reason that message doesn't seem to be getting through to certain people and I'd prefer to not waste anyone's time.

Why am I here? Well I guess its because I am looking for someone who knows what she wants from life. I'm way past the 'game playing' stage of life. Not interested in the bar scene or those with a short term outlook. Looking for a relationship that has depth and character to it. Absolutely willing to put in the time and effort if my counterpart is. Want someone who understands that time is a precious resource and needs to be treated as such. Carefully screening those who ask it from you but then sharing it abundantly and without hesitation with that special person when you do find them. Must be completely honest, painfully honest. As that is exactly what you'll get from me.

Like others, I've had my share of broken hearts...but I refuse to live life hurt or afraid. You get out of life what you put into it...that includes relationships. And unless you are willing to risk big (for example, risking another broken heart), you'll never get to that beautiful place where 'life flows and love grows'. "Tis better to have loved and lost..." as it were.

Also please don't be offended if you message me and I don't respond. Know that I truly appreciate the fact that you've reached out, but if for whatever reason I don't think it would be a good match I won't be responding. Appreciate your understanding.

I sincerely wish everyone here the very best luck in finding whatever they may be looking for. Thanks for reading.