What did the vegetarian zombie say?

I find the dichotomous nature of life amusing. In one respect, I am everything - beyond me there is nothing and the universe is contained within me; in another respect, I am absolutely nothing, not even a speck in comparison to the universe. Neither perspective is wrong, one just makes me value my life and the other keeps me humble.

I spend the majority of my time working, which is sad and I highly do not recommend, but I'm determined to create a better life for my unborn child and unfound wife. I love music and singing, and eventually I plan on owning several bars/restaurants in the city. I will eventually finish a novel - maybe a few - and I hope to enjoy my thirties more than my twenties.

I enjoy irony. I'm more likely to laugh than cry. I think life is tragic and heart-wrenching, but kind of hilarious at the same time. I like to put my head down and take one step at a time when I'm working, but let it all hang out with my friends. I consider myself a good person and I think most everyone I know would consider me the same, but I'm aware of my failings too.

I think I might be human, but don't quote me on that. I think love is a noble pursuit and I envy those who've found it.

Singing, writing, working out, trying not to go on a murderous rampage.

One of those I'm kidding about - you guess which!

Wasting time on meaningless pursuits and picking out cute sneakers - two mutually exclusive things.

I'm a smart-ass, more than likely.

Murakami, Garth Ennis, and Neil Gaiman.

The Road to Wellville. The Orphanage.

Otis Redding, The Beatles, Sam Cooke, Rilo Kiley/Jenny Lewis, Buena Vista Social Club, 2Pac, Tool, The Mars Volta, Wu-Tang, The Police, The Cure, Metric, MGMT, Placebo, Biggie, Snoop, The Pixies, OutKast, The Misfits, Depeche Mode, Denali, A Perfect Circle, Ray Charles, blahblahblah.

I like all different kinds, but I don't eat red meat and consistency is the end-all of what I can and can't eat. Dim-sum may be the grossest dining experience ever created... squishy and rubbery, eww.

Soda water, coconut water, Yerba Mate, Kombucha, smoothies with protein, and whiskey/Guinness.

Food I can take or leave, but drink is where it's at. "What the fuck is juice?!?"

Lately I think a lot about what I'm doing/will be doing with my life, the moral and logistical ramifications of eating meat, and what I should be saving up towards.

Something fucking fantastic.

When I was younger I was kneed in the balls so hard I had to go the hospital. While being examined by the doctor, my mother came over and told me some residents wanted to examine me as well - she explained that while she understood that I was embarrassed, this provided an important chance at real-world experience for the doctors-in-training.

I begrudgingly acquiesced, fully expecting two male twenty-somethings (accompanying skin conditions probable), and what I got were two Hollywood-hot female residents... two hot women examining my now hastily retreating penis and testicles.

Two lessons learned that day: I should never give way mentally to thinking along sexual norms, and I should never under any circumstance listen to my mother.

If you don't know the difference between your, you're, or use "ur" in a completely non-ironic way, you probably shouldn't message me. Same applies to their, there and they're. Please know the difference - sincerely.

I like people who "get it." I think life might be a cosmic joke, but if they're laughing at us I want to laugh right back. Forgive the histrionics, but I honestly can't stand people who don't know how to have a good time. I look to make the best out of situations and I appreciate others who do the same.