The internet really is morally bankrupt in't it? Ethically devoid? I was trolling youtube for dance footage, a pretty typical hobby, and came across an awful dance video. A bunch of kids making a very sad effort for some sort of assembly. My first response was 'aaaawww that's so sad. Poor monkeys.' because for some reason I actually remember all of the horribly embarrassing situations I got myself into as a kid. Which I choose not to relate just now.... ahem. I sympathize. Besides, the majority of people actually fear public performance more than potential death. Bizarre huh?

It had a terrible rating which made me arch an eyebrow (too much Jim Carry as a child) because one would assume a video of that quality and situation would be posted for those involved who actually felt proud of their kids or what not. So I scroll down and give a once over of the commentary which apparently had devolved into a miasma of racial slurs and swearing. Wow. Brava apathetic and anonymous *ssh*l*s. It's so easy to be a psycho when you don't have to own up huh?

I'm not especially surprised since my overall brotherly feeling towards people has bottomed out in the last few years but something about a TON of 'people' going after kids? Really? That's low. I mean... really, truly dispicable. What kind of people get a hard on being psychotic online? Just because no one, almost no one, can pin it on them do they think they're still good people when they log off? Because they're not. They're just monsters under the skin.

 

-END RANT-

A New Year. Joyousnous. I was journaling my good/bad list the other evening only to have the misfortune of realizing the past three or four years have been weighted by the bad. The most lovely irony of that blaring fact is that I've done little the same. I've approached my relationships differently, skewed and altered my outlooks on life, and overall tried to make personal changes to improve life in general. So what's the deal Dr. Phil? I have even read the Secret and tried the positive outlook routine, without the mystical connotations.

When I was younger, because that was so terribly long ago, I was a selfish kind of creature. I let the world revolve around my own happiness without taking advantage of the people nearest and dearest to me. I was a much happier healthier person. The moment I started trying to give it all I started getting less, and worse. How exactly does that work? My priorities have just been misaligned. So, I suppose, if I had to set my heart on a change for this coming year I will put my happiness first again. No more driving myself into the ground to satisy expectations of others.

I WILL build a snowfort in my front yard and bomb the neighbor children with snowballs. I will go to the thrift store and buy the most hideous hat availible and a clashing scarf. I will buy myself a new powertool before picking a completely irrelivant project to work on. When I go to Wisconsin to see my friends, I am going to stop at every hideous tourist trap I can find and take pictures so I can blog about it.

I am not old enough to let my spontenaity go and if I happen to find a guy who wants to be a part of it, fine. If not, well, a snowfort might take longer with one, but it can be done.

Hm, apparently I have to journal to complete my profile. So I'll journal my motives for being on this site. I was one of the original Okcupid members back in the day when it was smaller and a little less shiny sleek but deleted my account when I got in, what I thought, was a tremendously stable relationship. Well, boyfriend dumped me. Recently as a matter of fact.

I'm signed back up for the quizzes, yes, I did. I don't mind picking up some new friends and I'm up front with the people I talk to about all this. I haven't given up reconciliation with my now ex yet. If it never works out well oh well, I'll have done all I can. I planned on marrying this guy and he dumped me out of no where. It totally killed me.

That makes two dissolved relationships in a year. I'm a little POed with myself. The first one, I dumped after two years for being an emotionally and psychologically abusive SOB. The second one was and is, as far as I'm concerned, the one and I'll be darned if I let him get away without trying to hold on.

Weird thing to post on a dating site, sure, but I always was honest foremost.