enigmaticlogger
31 Kutztown, PA
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enigmaticlogger
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My self-summary
I'm embracing Life v. 2.0. Still in beta.

I'm enigmatic, or if I'm not yet, I certainly will be. And that's said with humility, oddly enough. The fact that I'm a rare breed doesn't in-and-of itself make me awesome. But unique. Yeah . . . I'll give myself 'unique'.

And yet, I recognize that I'm not unique at all. That "I" was born and then made, just like everyone else. And that the circumstances of my life made me much more so than I made them. And they still do. But I, in turn, now recognize that I also shape the world around me, profoundly. And I'm working on doing a better job of it than I used to.

Once you truly understand that you're just like everyone else, you become different from everyone else.

I'm living as authentically as I can, embracing/chasing what I care about, and sharing my story one piece at a time.
What I’m doing with my life
Embracing change. And then creating it.

I practiced law in New York for 2 years before a spiritual awakening in the form of a massive nervous breakdown. The stars aligned, and a string of events broke my mind. It has taken me far longer to "recover" than I could have ever imagined, but I have been given the opportunity to be remade in the process. I moved home to PA in December of 2014.

I've been in talk therapy for over 2 years, weekly. It has changed me as a person. Immensely. I blog about my experiences, and mental health generally, at www.alifeconfused.com. Yes, it's some heavy shit. But it's life. And as much as I love humor and lighthearted conversation, I'm also in-tune with what matters most to me. And I'm going after it with increasing proficiency.

My father and I are starting a logging/lumber/flooring/woodworking business on what was my grandparents Farm. I cut down trees (exhilarating) and manage 20 acres of well stocked woodland. I learned to weld over the summer. I did some legal work once again this fall---we needed a variance to get the business going. I do web design--and code in HTML5 and CSS3. I render in 3d. I'm great at fixing things. And I'm a relentless tinkerer. Obsessive would be a good descriptor when there's a problem to be solved.

Oh and I do fine woodworking. Getting better at it one project at a time. But I've got a long way to go. So "fine" isn't really accurate, but---woodworking.

I design. I create. I do more with less. And I gradually move myself towards sustainability, self expression, and love.
I’m really good at
My favorite: Making people feel comfortable with themselves and their flaws as best I'm able. This usually involves admitting enough of mine to remove any thought of me being "judgemental". We're all human, we've all got issues lurking somewhere.

Lots of things. Many, many things. Including admitting when I'm not really good at something. Or when I think someone's better.

Understanding my emotions and the emotions of others. Being kind instead of nice. Mindfulness and self-examination.

Don't worry. I have plenty of flaws. But I've got ambition, less fear with every passing day, and an understanding of the world that generally functions well.
The first things people usually notice about me
The beard, if I've got one. And right now I'm living up to the logger stereotype.

Aside from that, I usually hear that I'm smart.

I'd tell you that I don't let it go to my head. But that wouldn't be true. I TRY not to let it go to my head. Because the minute I think I'm smarter than someone else, I'll miss all the important things that they have to teach me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies:
All time favorite: Pulp Fiction. I'm a real sucker for Dialogue. After that, there's hundreds of great ones.

TV: I don't watch sports. I enjoy comedy and well-written drama. Reality TV is NOT for me. I'm a huge Archer fan, like most things that HBO does, and generally don't like shows that lack profanity. Cursing makes it real. And yes, I tend to curse like a sailor 'cept when it wouldn't be appropriate to do so.

Music: I'm all over the place. Except "popular" and modern country. Right now I'm in an indie hip-hop phase. I like music I can work to, and profound lyrics always get me. Brother Ali is a current favorite.

Food: I take adderall. Kills my appetite. Which means that when I eat, I don't really care too much about it. I work to eat healthy, and will eat most anything. These days it's a lot of soylent (meal replacement, sans soy) and chocolate milk. Basically I don't eat goat cheese or olives. Everything else is fair game until I say otherwise.
The six things I could never do without
[1] Self-taught wisdom;
[2] physical affection;
[3] emotional connection;
[4] music;
[5] silence/wilderness; AND

[6] I can live without feeling love. I know because I've managed to wander my way through and out of the darkness that exists without it. But it's something I want as badly as anything else. It's that and financial self-sufficiency. Which---it's only a matter of time.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
A lot of different things. My mind moves fast and frequent. It covers lots of ground. I can tell you that I think about the things I care about. Just like the rest of us.
On a typical Friday night I am
Decompresssing. The THC way. Usually with Netflix, a book, or some good company.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Fear of not being worthy of the things I want most in life kept me from them. A self-fulfilling self-perception, I kept myself from love and fulfilling/profitable work without even knowing I was the author of my struggles.

That, and apparently I'm an artist at heart. Who knew?
You should message me if
You want to. I love meeting new people. If only just to talk about life.
"Be the Change You Want to See in The World."
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