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26 Poughkeepsie, NY Woman


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 20–35
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 5:35pm
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Strictly other
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from two-year college
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Dislikes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
“If you're really listening, if you're awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold evermore wonders.”

- Andrew Harvey

STOP! Go no further until you've read this: Since you're likely looking at this in an effort to decide whether I'm worth pursuing, know that this profile exists solely for the purpose of attracting like-minded individuals intent on making new friends. This isn't only due to the fact that I found an amazing boyfriend (here on OKC actually), I just make really intense friendships. No sex. No flirting. No romancing.

I am looking for companions. For connections. I am looking for friendships with people who are deeply connected with their souls - and are sensible about it. None of that new-agey "indigo child" nonsense. Just people who want to know their personality quirks, flaws and all. The sort of people who will see all of me without flinching. I'm looking for friendships that bring out the real, authentic me. With real, authentic companions.

Here's what I've learned: when you go into something wanting a partner, and knowing what partner you want, you tend to project the image onto the other person. You tend to act differently, based on your image of a partner should be, rather than putting your energies into being your authentic self. And you get a relationship fabricated out of illusions and presumptions. It's a love that's not real.

I don't want to do that to anyone. Nor do I want to have that done to me. I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm looking for real people to know and to admire and to have for company on my journey. Real love will evolve on its own time from other close relationships, or it's not meant to be.

I have begun to realize something else, too, lately. You will never be loved as you wish to be loved. Everything you are hungering to receive from someone else is actually the love that you wish you had been taught to feel for yourself. The aching hollow in your chest is the vessel you need to fill on your own, with esteem and trust in your own worth. It is only when you forgive everyone else for failing you that you start to turn to yourself. And it is when you start to tender yourself in all the ways you have always needed that you begin to build the courage to love with authenticity.

So, meeting me can be intense, and confusing for some. I used to try to apologize or place boundaries on who I am. But I don't bother with that, anymore.

I like visiting quirky cafes and browsing small boutiques tucked away in college towns. I covet artisinal products and organic produce. I recycle and compost kitchen scraps. NPR is always playing when I'm in the car. The movies I watch are usually modern topical dramas, or are heavily visual and artistic; or, they were produced before 1975. My favorite date spot is Barnes & Noble.

Nature walks are my favorite thing to do, especially when I can slow down to examine how the flora and fauna are doing: the behavior of the animals speaks volumes on the health of the ecosystem, and there are always edible or medicinal herbs to check out (or poisonous ones to avoid). I want to see every National Park in America before I die. I like going to state-owned land and exploring hidden beautiful places. Thunderstorms are exhilarating and sunsets are breath-taking, and I prefer letting the sun or the moon provide the ambient lighting in the room. If I don't have a connection to nature, then I suffer. And it's when I am enjoying Nature's wonders that I feel close to the divine.

I don't much like going to bars and I don't enjoy dance clubs. I like being awake in the early morning. In the evening I want to be alone with a book, or with my cat. I listen to contemporary bluegrass, folk rock, and classical music. Art galleries, museums, libraries, college campuses, gardens and even graveyards are much preferred haunts. For companionship I prefer small groups, or a single other companion.

When I'm not learning something, I get bored extremely quickly. Hence I tend not to watch popular TV, and I don't go out to see movies very much. Instead I prefer documentaries. I spend hours on Youtube for watching educational channels and TED talks (very carefully screening sources and checking information because I'll be damned if I get caught out looking the fool). I read academic papers, science journals, and reference books for fun. I'm willing to try my hand at learning almost any skill, especially if there are practical applications.

Unfortunately it seems this is going to be something of a long profile. I hope you don't mind. Still with me?

Ah, wonderful.

UPDATE: Wow, OKCupid, you've actually be fairly marvelous in your reception. I've met a lot of friends through here by now. And I deeply appreciate it. Who would have thought? This really is a great way to meet people.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Here is the part where I should be defining myself using a noun, one that implies the adjective verbs that I verb most often. You probably have a job, yourself, that occupies most of your time, or multiple projects that you’re working on if you are self-employed or artistic in nature.

I am making plans to go back to school so I can study to become a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And I have plans for books. This means I spend a lot of time studying, even though I am not actually back in school yet. I am learning to drive again after going eight years not using the skill. And I spend a lot of time alone in reflection and introspection: it is my goal to learn about myself and take a more direct approach to my own evolution as a person.

I work for my mother's close friend, who has become like an aunt to me. As her personal assistant I take on tasks she needs to delegate, usually tech-heavy stuff or making phone calls. I work with the League of Women Voters (LWV), and belong to the Mid-Hudson chapter: I help maintain their website and create announcements for events. I am also involved with the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Poughkeepsie (UUFP, though I call it "church" in conversation because it's where I go on Sundays) and right now I am working to help connect with young people in my area so I can help integrate more generations into our congregation. The UUFP is a humanitarian, non-religious spiritual organization that frequently involves itself in local charity work, social justice movements, and events for community improvement.

You probably also have hobbies: shared activities with friends, exercise routines, or crafts that you’ve picked up over the years. I am trying to get back into writing after a very long time trying to deny myself and force myself into more conventional pastimes. I have never been able to nail down a habitual routine to the point that I was able to establish any hobbies. I can make pretty noises with a guitar, and I can sing alright. My poetry has improved slightly over the years. But most of my time is spent talking to people.

Most of my closest friends are strange individuals who don't play according to society's rules but they all have one thing in common: they are intellectuals first. I bond with people emotionally when we can share knowledge and experience. Many of these close friends are men, which may defy a lot of society's expectations (since I don't sleep with any of them or plan to marry anyone). But I enjoy going out one-on-one in their company. I see no reason to change this.

That is my life in a nutshell. I live through the people around me.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
...talking. A lot. About a lot of different things. Seriously, you are well within your rights to tell me to stop.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I talk way too much and I am almost always smiling.

Or, if this was referring to anything unique about my appearance, I get a lot of comments on my eyes: sometimes they are grey as pewter, sometimes blue like smoke, and in the sun they are a soft mossy green.

I'm also very small at 163 centimeters and 110 lbs (roughly 7 Stone) soaking wet. People somehow always imagine I'll be taller than I actually am.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I'm just going to list a handful of books that have stayed with me, for one reason or another.

"Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self" by Sarah Ban Breathnach
"The Dark Side of the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford
"The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran
"Kitchen Table Wisdom" by Rachael Naomi Remen, M.D.
"Grown Up Marriage" by Judith Viorst (even though I've never been married)
"Journey To The Heart" by Melody Beattie
"Eternal Echoes: Celtic Reflections on the Yearning To Belong" by John O'Donohue
"Prodigal Summer" by Barbara Kingslover
"Night" by Elie Wisel
"The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin

I love reading anything by Malcolm Gladwell, also.

I like some older movies; I can appreciate independent and arthouse films without advocating their obscurity; I love biopics. Documentaries are good fare, especially those on Nature. War dramas and historical dramas are particular favorites in terms of genre. Films that tackle sensitive topics and current events are my preferred fare. My favorite movies are the ones I get lost in as the writers' ideas slowly unfold for me, complex and multi-layered and subtle. I also appreciate cinematography, where you have to have a careful eye to catch the little details.

I hate Lucas movies, and Spielberg is not high on my list, though I appreciate how both have contributed to the film industry and to popular culture.

A few titles, in no particular order:

Fly Away Home
The Red Violin
A House Of Sand And Fog
The Bridges of Madison County
Lions For Lambs
The Emperor's Club
The Shawshank Redemption (cliche, I know, but still amazing)

And if any Aronofsky movies make your list, that would be amazing. I personally consider Christopher Nolan to be a God of storytelling. He's a modern day myth-maker.

TV Shows
I don't often watch TV, but when I do, I prefer documentaries. I never watch sitcoms, I avoid cartoons, and my taste in stand-up comedy is highly selective; but I watch some dramas, and good story telling with compelling characters are utter necessities.

Cosmos (with Neil Degrasse Tyson)
Independent Lens
American Experience
lots of Ken Burns documentaries
and just about anything narrated by David Attenborough

I grew up surrounded by musicians who had made their entrance to the music industry during the folk revival of the 70's. Add to that an English and Scots-Irish heritage, and what you get is a taste for ballads and mountain music. After straying towards Country Rock and Celtic/New Age when I was younger, I've returned to my folk roots, and am frequently caught listening to bluegrass. Not the old, screechy, twangy stuff you hear at a cookout in West Virginia; I'm talking the softer, milder stuff that is now referred to as "neo-bluegrass", with gentle guitar and mourning fiddle.

I play the violin, and can pick a little at the guitar, and I'd love to learn to play the mandolin.

I love Spanish guitar, and singing inspired by Al-Andalus and Sephardic Jewish traditions. Some of the most sensual and emotionally-charged music ever created.

I like individual pieces, and it's very rare that I'll like the entirety of an artist's work. For me to say I really like something, it has to give me a chill up the spine and goose bumps on my arms and legs. I love live musical performances, but I generally do not like loud music. Sorry fellas, I can sing along with the rock music of my generation: but if it didn't come out between 1962 and 1978, I probably don't like your music. And everything stays at a low volume.

Artists I like are:

The Wailin' Jennys
Cry Cry Cry
Carolina Chocolate Drops
Dar Williams
Sarah Jarosz
Allison Krauss and Union Station
The Civil Wars
Carrie Newcomer
Crooked Still
Southern Raised Bluegrass
Jay Ungar and Molly Mason

And I enjoy listening to classical music, mostly Beethoven, Bach (the second one), and Vivaldi.

I like food in general! I adore complex foods that I can play with in my mouth, savor the many distinct flavors and textures.

I've tried (and loved) authentic Chinese food, Vietnamese food, Japanese, Thai, Indian, and authentic Spanish food. I was raised with a German-Irish influenced diet, which I don't much care for these days: starchy potatoes and greasy sausage makes me feel icky.

In my early 20's I tried to develop an appreciation for wines and craft beers. These days, I don't drink at all.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
6. Nature
5. Challenges
4. Peace (I need a quiet, empty space to retreat to)
3. Purpose
2. Affection, expressed in speech and touch
1. Ethics: Humility, Patience, Loyalty, Compassion, Productivity, Empathy, and so on...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
In a word: beauty. It sounds a superficial thing to be concerned with until you start to play with the definition. Yes, I do appreciate a certain aesthetic when it comes to a person's appearance, but that's not all there is to beauty. The concept is multi-dimensional.

Beauty, for me, is anything that elicits emotion. A weathered, creased face that is caught by a distant light source and thrown into sharp contrast will fill me with awe. The scars on a pair of veiny, hard-worked hands. The wear on an old grave stone. Tarnish on a brass lamp. Early morning sun caught in shards of glass on the sidewalk in New York City. The red, puffed lips and the tightening folds around glittering eyes full of tears. It's all beautiful to me.

So, too, is music. A clear, high soprano, backed by a crescendo of rising strings. A blend of voices in a choral piece. The deep lowing of a cello. The breathy sigh of a wooden flute. The trickling of a harp gliss like falling rain. A gentle murmur of a banjo backing a flawed, wavering voice singing a folk tune from the mountains of Appalachia.

The warmth of sun on my face is beautiful. A soft, misting rain that whispers outside the window. A blazing sunset, dewdrops on low bushes, and lightening spiderwebbing across a blue-grey sky. The halo that forms around the moon when water vapor freezes into microscopic ice crystals. The soft roundness of a world covered in deep snowfall. The rough, jagged hills of Northern Arizona or the sweeping expanse of Tallgrass Nature Preserve, or the dense greenery in Alleghenie State Park. All of nature is beautiful.

But perhaps the most beautiful things of all in life, to me, come from the human mind. My heart breaks when poetry reveals a deeper meaning, referencing old traditions or deeply held beliefs. The kindness of strangers in ordinary, every day circumstances. The wonder and trust of a small child. The strength we all have to endure unspeakable suffering, and build up our lives again. The ability to be vulnerable, to be soft, and to love unrestrained when we allow ourselves to believe in what's possible.

I spend most of my life thinking of beauty. True beauty.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Reading books I can't afford at Barnes & Noble with a cup of tea. Spending a quiet evening at home on my computer, listening to music and reading Nature Magazine or Psychology Today. Occasionally I'll hop on a Skype chat. On rare occasions I've been coaxed out for dinner and quiet conversation.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm a woman with Asperger's Syndrome.

That's a fancy way of saying that I'm a little socially awkward, and I'm a late bloomer. Before you get nervous, it's not a terribly big deal. It's just a short way of explaining some of my quirks.

Chit-chat is a little challenging for me. I tend to have very intense interests and can babble on and on about them. The back-and-forth is a bit harder. I enjoy people and I want to listen and understand. Puzzling out how to make sure I am lifting the information the speaker wanted me to latch on to, and drafting a suitable response are skills that I have to work at.

Teasing goes over my head. I'm not always as quick with a repartee as I'd like to be. Sometimes I'll make a comment I think is harmless or interesting, only to find I've made someone uncomfortable.

I get so eager to be in on a conversation that it almost doesn't matter whether I can contribute to the discussion or not. So I end up telling anecdotes I hope are relevant. This can get kind of annoying or boring. And I ask lots of questions to learn more, once I accept I don't know much on a subject, which can get tiresome for others.

I volunteer personal information quickly and easily. There are unspoken rules about how to do that tastefully. I haven't figured those rules out yet. And I tend to ask probing questions. When I encounter something about a person that I'm fascinated by, I'll pursue it. It can make people uncomfortable sometimes.

Strangers worry me, because I have to work really hard to feel out what sort of people they are. I get overwhelmed in big groups of people. I can't deal with a lot of loud noise. And I'm picky about the TV I watch, the books I read, and the music I listen to because I have unusually strong emotional reactions to these things.

I get along better with cats than I do with most humans: their body language makes sense to me, and they don't care what all I say.

Despite ALL OF THIS, people seem to like me well enough. I giggle and smile a lot, and I am always wanting to know how someone is feeling. I genuinely am interested in what other people have to say. And I am usually happy just to have someone around. So my oddness is usually forgiven pretty quickly.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over. feel a strong urge to know me better, and desire a reciprocal, fulfilling friendship. Sweep me off my feet, bare my soul, and touch my heart.

I'm looking for people who are patient. I am looking for people who are gentle and nurturing. I am looking for people who are eloquent. I am looking for people who like helping others be better. I am looking for people who can find calm in themselves, and provide a safe space for the one they love.

I am looking for people who want to know themselves better. I am looking for people who push themselves to improve their areas of weakness in life. I am looking for people who are excited about possibilities for growth and adventure.

I don't respond to showing off. When someone needs to qualify their successes and their talents, I take it as a warning sign. And I'm not looking for anyone who needs to impress me.

I'm also not interested in anyone who is intensely ambitious or busy.

I resent people who mock others, or who need to feel superior, or who enjoy crude, low-brow humor.

I'm not interested in people who feel the need to be right, and who get defensive when they are challenged.

I am looking for mature, level-headed, relaxed, wise people who want to keep me company on my journey.

"Old souls" and "Gentlemen" are welcome.