- Andrew Harvey
STOP! Go no further until you've read this: Since you're likely looking at this in an effort to decide whether I'm worth pursuing, know that this profile exists solely for the purpose of attracting like-minded individuals intent on making new friends. This isn't a case of my being non-committal, I just have a ton of stuff to work on, and I need to focus on that right now. Skip down to the "Most Private" bit for a little more insight as to why I need to avoid getting involved. No sex. No flirting. No romancing.
Here's what I've learned: when you go into something wanting a partner, and knowing what partner you want, you tend to project the image onto the other person. You tend to act differently, based on your image of a partner should be, rather than putting your energies into being your authentic self. And you get a relationship fabricated out of illusions and presumptions. It's a love that's not real.
I don't want to do that to anyone. Nor do I want to have that done to me. I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm looking for real people to know and to admire and to have for company on my journey. Real love will evolve on its own time from other close relationships, or it's not meant to be.
I have begun to realize something else, too, lately. You will never be loved as you wish to be loved. Everything you are hungering to receive from someone else is actually the love that you wish you had been taught to feel for yourself. The aching hollow in your chest is the vessel you need to fill on your own, with esteem and trust in your own worth. It is only when you forgive everyone else for failing you that you start to turn to yourself. And it is when you start to tender yourself in all the ways you have always needed that you begin to build the courage to love with authenticity.
So, meeting me can be intense, and confusing for some. I used to try to apologize or place boundaries on who I am. But I don't bother with that, anymore.
I like visiting quirky cafes and browsing small boutiques tucked away in college towns. I covet artisinal products and organic produce. I recycle and compost kitchen scraps. NPR is always playing when I'm in the car. The movies I watch are usually modern topical dramas, or are heavily visual and artistic; or, they were produced before 1975. My favorite date spot is Barnes & Noble.
Nature walks are my favorite thing to do, especially when I can slow down to examine how the flora and fauna are doing: the behavior of the animals speaks volumes on the health of the ecosystem, and there are always edible or medicinal herbs to check out (or poisonous ones to avoid). I want to see every National Park in America before I die. I like going to state-owned land and exploring hidden beautiful places. Thunderstorms are exhilarating and sunsets are breath-taking, and I prefer letting the sun or the moon provide the ambient lighting in the room. If I don't have a connection to nature, then I suffer. And it's when I am enjoying Nature's wonders that I feel close to the divine.
I don't much like going to bars and I don't enjoy dance clubs. I like being awake in the early morning. In the evening I want to be alone with a book, or with my cat. I listen to contemporary bluegrass, folk rock, and classical music. Art galleries, museums, libraries, college campuses, gardens and even graveyards are much preferred haunts. For companionship I prefer small groups, or a single other companion.
When I'm not learning something, I get bored extremely quickly. Hence I tend not to watch popular TV, and I don't go out to see movies very much. Instead I prefer documentaries. I spend hours on Youtube for watching educational channels and TED talks (very carefully screening sources and checking information because I'll be damned if I get caught out looking the fool). I read academic papers, science journals, and reference books for fun. I'm willing to try my hand at learning almost any skill, especially if there are practical applications.
Unfortunately it seems this is going to be something of a long profile. I hope you don't mind. Still with me?
UPDATE: Wow, OKCupid, you've actually be fairly marvelous in your reception. I've met a lot of friends through here by now. And I deeply appreciate it. Who would have thought? This really is a great way to meet people.