STOP! Go no further until you've read this: I am not looking for marriage, a girlfriend or a boyfriend. I honestly would rather not date or sleep with anyone, or fall in giddy love and all that. Instead I'd rather just have very close, supportive friendships. If something comes of that after years of knowing each other and spending time together, then that'd be great. Figured I'd let you know straight off, since you're likely looking at this in an effort to decide whether I'm worth pursuing.
So this part is important: when I've done relationships, I've been monogamous and exclusive. I am a very committed and loyal woman. But I'm not looking for that now. Going on personal experience here, I tend to play the act of the smitten, giggly girlfriend to start with, and then I get all insecure and needy. That's what I've learned: when you go into something wanting a partner, and knowing what partner you want, you tend to project the image onto the other person. You tend to act differently, based on your image of a partner should be, rather than putting your energies into being your authentic self. And you get a relationship fabricated out of illusions and presumptions. It's a love that's not real.
I don't want to do that to anyone. Nor do I want to have that done to me. If you come up looking for sex or love straight off, I will put you off. So, as I said, I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm looking for real people to know and to admire and to have for company on my journey.
Here's something else I get asked about a lot. Yes, I have short hair. Yes, I am attracted to women. No, the fact that I am attracted to women did NOT influence my choice in hairstyle. No, I'm not a masculine personality, I infact love makeup and skirts and perfumes. Yes, I do date and enjoy men. No, I won't grow my hair out again.
And I suppose I should briefly describe what I *think* would be the way you would experience me in person. When appropriate I tend to greet with hugs rather than handshakes. I ask direct and probing questions of people I meet. And I am intensely interested in hearing personal stories. I am also quick to offer compliments or observations. With people that I resonate with, I become physical quickly in the form of hugs, bussing cheeks, or laying a hand on a forearm. No, I'm not Italian, and no, I'm probably not hitting on you. I'm just very affectionate. With close friends it's usual to see me wrap an arm casually around a waist or a neck. And I seek out affection from those closest to me in an almost childlike manner.
So, meeting me can be intense, and confusing for some. I used to try to apologize or place boundaries on who I am. But I don't bother with that, anymore.
I describe my faith as "transcendentalist", referring to the movement in the 1800's of Christians who eschewed the regular trappings of religious organizations and instead preferred to find God in nature, and in good works in their communities. Nature walks are my favorite thing to do, especially when I can slow down to examine how the flora and fauna are doing: the behavior of the animals speaks volumes on the health of the ecosystem, and there are always edible or medicinal herbs to check out (or poisonous ones to avoid). I want to see every National Park in America before I die. I like going to state-owned land and exploring hidden beautiful places. Thunderstorms are exhilarating and sunsets are breath-taking, and I prefer letting the sun or the moon provide the ambient lighting in the room. If I don't have a connection to nature, then I suffer. And it's when I am enjoying Nature's wonders that I feel close to the divine.
Unfortunately it seems this is going to be something of a long profile. I hope you don't mind. Still with me?