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26 F Poughkeepsie, NY

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 8:40pm
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Christianity, and somewhat serious about it
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from two-year college
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Dislikes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Let us start with the basics, shall we?

STOP! Go no further until you've read this: I am not looking for marriage, a girlfriend or a boyfriend. I honestly would rather not date or sleep with anyone, or fall in giddy love and all that. Instead I'd rather just have very close, supportive friendships. If something comes of that after years of knowing each other and spending time together, then that'd be great. Figured I'd let you know straight off, since you're likely looking at this in an effort to decide whether I'm worth pursuing.

So this part is important: when I've done relationships, I've been monogamous and exclusive. I am a very committed and loyal woman. But I'm not looking for that now. Going on personal experience here, I tend to play the act of the smitten, giggly girlfriend to start with, and then I get all insecure and needy. That's what I've learned: when you go into something wanting a partner, and knowing what partner you want, you tend to project the image onto the other person. You tend to act differently, based on your image of a partner should be, rather than putting your energies into being your authentic self. And you get a relationship fabricated out of illusions and presumptions. It's a love that's not real.

I don't want to do that to anyone. Nor do I want to have that done to me. If you come up looking for sex or love straight off, I will put you off. So, as I said, I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm looking for real people to know and to admire and to have for company on my journey.

Here's something else I get asked about a lot. Yes, I have short hair. Yes, I am attracted to women. No, the fact that I am attracted to women did NOT influence my choice in hairstyle. No, I'm not a masculine personality, I infact love makeup and skirts and perfumes. Yes, I do date and enjoy men. No, I won't grow my hair out again.

And I suppose I should briefly describe what I *think* would be the way you would experience me in person. When appropriate I tend to greet with hugs rather than handshakes. I ask direct and probing questions of people I meet. And I am intensely interested in hearing personal stories. I am also quick to offer compliments or observations. With people that I resonate with, I become physical quickly in the form of hugs, bussing cheeks, or laying a hand on a forearm. No, I'm not Italian, and no, I'm probably not hitting on you. I'm just very affectionate. With close friends it's usual to see me wrap an arm casually around a waist or a neck. And I seek out affection from those closest to me in an almost childlike manner.

So, meeting me can be intense, and confusing for some. I used to try to apologize or place boundaries on who I am. But I don't bother with that, anymore.

I describe my faith as "transcendentalist", referring to the movement in the 1800's of Christians who eschewed the regular trappings of religious organizations and instead preferred to find God in nature, and in good works in their communities. Nature walks are my favorite thing to do, especially when I can slow down to examine how the flora and fauna are doing: the behavior of the animals speaks volumes on the health of the ecosystem, and there are always edible or medicinal herbs to check out (or poisonous ones to avoid). I want to see every National Park in America before I die. I like going to state-owned land and exploring hidden beautiful places. Thunderstorms are exhilarating and sunsets are breath-taking, and I prefer letting the sun or the moon provide the ambient lighting in the room. If I don't have a connection to nature, then I suffer. And it's when I am enjoying Nature's wonders that I feel close to the divine.

Unfortunately it seems this is going to be something of a long profile. I hope you don't mind. Still with me?

Ah, wonderful.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm your typical liberal-leaning New England 20-something. I'm struggling to define my life direction. I like visiting quirky cafes and browsing small boutiques tucked away in college towns. I covet artisinal products and organic produce. I recycle and compost kitchen scraps. NPR is always playing when I'm in the car. I have expensive (and rather conservative) taste in clothes and jewelry. The movies I watch are usually contemporary dramas having to do with current events, or are heavily visual and artistic; or, they were produced before 1975. My favorite date spot is Barnes & Noble.

Okay, maybe I lied and I'm not you're typical 20-something.

I don't much like going to bars and I don't enjoy dance clubs. I like being awake in the early morning. In the evening I want to be alone with a book, or with my cat. I listen to contemporary bluegrass, folk rock, and classical music. Art galleries, museums, libraries, college campuses, gardens and even graveyards are much preferred haunts. For companionship I prefer small groups, or a single other companion.

When I'm not learning something, I get bored extremely quickly. Hence I tend not to watch popular TV, and I don't go out to see movies very much. Instead I prefer documentaries. I spend hours on Youtube for watching educational channels and TED talks (very carefully screening sources and checking information because I'll be damned if I get caught out looking the fool). I read academic papers, science journals, and reference books for fun. I'm willing to try my hand at learning almost any skill, especially if there are practical applications.

Here is the part where I should be defining myself using a noun, one that implies the adjective verbs that I verb most often. You probably have a job, yourself, that occupies most of your time, or multiple projects that you’re working on if you are self-employed or artistic in nature. I’ve tried to hold down work, but I haven’t been able to do so for very long. I did rather well in school, up until college, and then I just…lost my way. I wasn’t into drugs, I didn’t get pregnant, and I didn’t try to kill myself. It wasn’t a drastic, climactic event. I just seemed to stop. That was eight years ago.

I did work for six years as a caregiver for three children adopted out of fostercare. It was a huge commitment, and the hours were irregular, but I loved what I did. That only ended about a year ago. I had gotten so involved with those kids, though, that they had become like my own. Now I am struggling to define a direction. I’d like to go back to school to study either English or Psychology. And I have plans for books. Right now, I am home with my parents, and working on improving my health.

You probably also have hobbies: shared activities with friends, exercise routines, or crafts that you’ve picked up over the years. I am trying to get back into writing after a very long time trying to deny myself and force myself into more conventional pastimes. I have never been able to nail down a habitual routine to the point that I was able to establish any hobbies. I can make pretty noises with a guitar, and I can sing alright. My poetry has improved slightly over the years. But most of my time is spent talking to people.

My father is a nuclear engineer who knows his trade very well, but understands little else. My best friends are similarly specialized, one being a historian and linguist, the other a gun-for-hire who is equally passionate about biology (his nickname is "Honey Badger", and it wasn't just for giggles, he earned that name). What this tells you is that I have a thing for people who are good at what they do and are passionate about what they're good at. I will listen for hours to someone explaining their field, asking questions, even if I have no experience with the subject matter what-so-ever.

That is my life in a nutshell. I live through the people around me.
I’m really good at
...bringing joy into the room!
The first things people usually notice about me
I talk way too much.

Or, if this was referring to anything unique about my appearance, I get a lot of comments on my eyes: sometimes they are grey as pewter, sometimes blue like smoke, and in the sun they are a soft mossy green.

I'm also very small at 163 centimeters and 110 lbs (roughly 7 Stone) soaking wet. People somehow always imagine I'll be taller than I actually am.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
If I read fiction at all, I enjoy stories wherein characters are complex and consistent, where their struggles are compelling, and their relationships many-layered and challenged by subtle drama. I also enjoy learning about folklore. The most common themes on my bookshelf are: Sociology, Psychology, Fantasy/Mythology, and Historical Fiction. I'm not as well-read in classical literature as I would like but I'm working to rectify that, and enjoy a good intellectual discussion on themes and hidden meanings.

I love reading anything by Malcolm Gladwell, also.

I like some older movies; I can appreciate independent and arthouse films without advocating their obscurity; I love biopics. Documentaries are good fare, especially those on Nature. War dramas and historical dramas are particular favorites in terms of genre. Films that tackle sensitive topics and current events are my preferred fare. My favorite movies are the ones I get lost in as the writers' ideas slowly unfold for me, complex and multi-layered and subtle. I also appreciate cinematography, where you have to have a careful eye to catch the little details.

I hate Lucas movies, and Spielberg is not high on my list, though I appreciate how both have contributed to the film industry and to popular culture.

A few titles, in no particular order:

Fly Away Home
The Red Violin
A House Of Sand And Fog
The Bridges of Madison County
Lions For Lambs
The Emperor's Club
The Shawshank Redemption (cliche, I know, but still amazing)

And if any Aronofsky movies make your list, that would be amazing. I personally consider Christopher Nolan to be a God of storytelling. He's a modern day myth-maker.

TV Shows
I don't often watch TV, but when I do, I prefer documentaries. I also watch reality shows that focus on the progress of individuals trying to improve aspects of their lives. I never watch sitcoms, but I watch some dramas, and good story telling with compelling characters are utter necessities.

Cosmos (with Neil Degrasse Tyson)
Independent Lens
American Experience
lots of Ken Burns documentaries
and just about anything narrated by David Attenborough

I grew up surrounded by musicians who had made their entrance to the music industry during the folk revival of the 70's. Add to that an English and Scots-Irish heritage, and what you get is a taste for ballads and mountain music. After straying towards Country Rock and Celtic/New Age when I was younger, I've returned to my folk roots, and am frequently caught listening to bluegrass. Not the old, screechy, twangy stuff you hear at a cookout in West Virginia; I'm talking the softer, milder stuff that is now referred to as "neo-bluegrass", with gentle guitar and mourning fiddle.

I play the violin, and can pick a little at the guitar, and I'd love to learn to play the mandolin.

I like individual pieces, and it's very rare that I'll like the entirety of an artist's work. For me to say I really like something, it has to give me a chill up the spine and goose bumps on my arms and legs. I love live musical performances, but I generally do not like loud music. Sorry fellas, I can sing along with the rock music of my generation (and several generations before that) but it's not my swing at all.

Artists I like are:

The Wailin' Jennys
Cry Cry Cry
Carolina Chocolate Drops
Dar Williams
Sarah Jarosz
Allison Krauss and Union Station
The Civil Wars
Carrie Newcomer
Crooked Still
Southern Raised Bluegrass
Jay Ungar and Molly Mason

And I enjoy listening to classical music, mostly Beethoven, Bach (the second one), and Vivaldi.

I like food in general! I adore complex foods that I can play with in my mouth, savor the many distinct flavors and textures.

I've tried (and loved) authentic Chinese food, Vietnamese food, Japanese, Thai, Indian, and authentic Spanish food. I was raised with a German-Irish influenced diet, which I don't much care for these days: starchy potatoes and greasy sausage makes me feel icky.

In my early 20's I tried to develop an appreciation for wines and craft beers. These days, I don't drink at all.
The six things I could never do without
6. Nature
5. Challenges
4. Peace (I need a quiet, empty space to retreat to)
3. Purpose
2. Affection, expressed in speech and touch
1. Ethics: Humility, Patience, Loyalty, Compassion, Productivity, Empathy, and so on...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
In a word: beauty. It sounds a superficial thing to be concerned with until you start to play with the definition. Yes, I do appreciate a certain aesthetic when it comes to a person's appearance, but that's not all there is to beauty. The concept is multi-dimensional.

Beauty, for me, is anything that elicits emotion. A weathered, creased face that is caught by a distant light source and thrown into sharp contrast will fill me with awe. The scars on a pair of veiny, hard-worked hands. The wear on an old grave stone. Tarnish on a brass lamp. Early morning sun caught in shards of glass on the sidewalk in New York City. The red, puffed lips and the tightening folds around glittering eyes full of tears. It's all beautiful to me.

So, too, is music. A clear, high soprano, backed by a crescendo of rising strings. A blend of voices in a choral piece. The deep lowing of a cello. The breathy sigh of a wooden flute. The trickling of a harp gliss like falling rain. A gentle murmur of a banjo backing a flawed, wavering voice singing a folk tune from the mountains of Appalachia.

The warmth of sun on my face is beautiful. A soft, misting rain that whispers outside the window. A blazing sunset, dewdrops on low bushes, and lightening spiderwebbing across a blue-grey sky. The halo that forms around the moon when water vapor freezes into microscopic ice crystals. The soft roundness of a world covered in deep snowfall.

But perhaps the most beautiful things of all in life, to me, come from the human mind. My heart breaks when poetry reveals a deeper meaning, referencing old traditions or deeply held beliefs. Complex orchestral arrangements amaze me. The kindness of strangers in ordinary, every day circumstances. The wonder and trust of a small child. The strength we all have to endure unspeakable suffering, and build up our lives again. The ability to be vulnerable, to be soft, and to love unrestrained when we allow ourselves to believe in what's possible.

I spend most of my life thinking of beauty. True beauty.
On a typical Friday night I am
Reading books I can't afford at Barnes & Noble with a cup of tea. Spending a quiet evening at home on my computer, listening to music and reading Nature Magazine or Psychology Today. Occasionally I'll hop on a Skype chat. On rare occasions I've been coaxed out for dinner and quiet conversation.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm really a late bloomer. My teens and the beginning of my twenties was spent entangled in friendships and romantic ventures that distracted me from developing as a person. I tried to be what I thought other people would approve of. There's a lot of regret and loss that I'm starting to confront now, built up over time.

The upside to this, and it really is a brilliant upside, is that I'm entering a period of exploration. I'm seeking out new experiences so I can learn more about myself. I'm also strengthening my connections to friends and family whose support has been invaluable. This right now is the best time of my life, and I'm loving it.
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 18–60
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends
You should message me if feel a strong urge to know me better, and desire a reciprocal, fulfilling friendship. Sweep me off my feet, bare my soul, and touch my heart.

Many of us spend a lot of time trying to prove ourselves. We talk about seeking intellectual company. We show off our taste in music or movies. We boast about cool trips we went on and the cool people we did it with. As I get older, though, I've noticed something: you can tell a lot about a person by how hard they sell themselves, to themselves.

If you are impatient, if you spend a lot of time complaining about the people around you, then keep walking on by.

If you need to feel exceptional, to stand out from the crowd, don't bother.

If you are resentful of your family, of ex-lovers, of the average joe, or of your boss: please leave.

If you tend to snap easily at people or spend a lot of time arguing, there's nothing for you here.

If you think you know what you want out of life and spend a lot of time bugging the people around you until they change, in order to fit in your grand design, then move on.

But if you seek safe harbour, and want to provide this for someone special to you, if you are looking for intellectual stimulation and philosophical debate, for emotional passion, or artistic inspiration, then please reach out. I will be grateful.

"Old souls" and "Gentlemen" are welcome.