1. I've got a good job. You might even call it a good career.
2. I own my own house, live alone, and pay my bills.
3. I'm not scary looking.
4. I can spell, punctuate, and communicate clearly.
5. I promise not to correct your spelling or punctuation.
6. I can fix stuff.
7. I know things about tanks.
8. I can dress up fancy when I have to.
9. I'm friggin' hilarious!
10. Your parents will like me, your kids will like me, your friends will like me, too.