The one thing that I can guarantee is that I will be able to make you laugh at least once, whether by talent or dumb luck. After that, we shall have to see.
The following tenets are things that are 'true', where debate is not possible:
1) Bad/naughty girls just tend to be more fun
2) Michael Keaton IS Batman
3) Roger Moore was NOT Bond
4) I was hating hipsters before it was cool
5) Nerds are awesome (and tend to be hotter)
6) I should have been born a cartoon
Until my various evil plans for global domination and admiration have concluded, I'm afraid that my life story remains incomplete. But I'm more than happy to fill you in on any minor details you'd like to inquire about, whatever they might be. C'mon now, don't be shy or awkward... That's up to me to be!