I have a crippling depression that has been around my whole life, brought on by a rough upbringing. I am not the happiest person you will meet, but I really do care how others feel; I would give anything to make someone smile, or to know that I've helped in some way. This is the only thing that makes me happy. It's what I live for, and it's a quality I hope to someday share with my family and kids. I want to be honest, because I don't have many things in my life at the moment that people see as "interesting"; I just can't find anything that is worth sharing. Any real happiness I've had started once I left high school, so my life has barely just begun.
I been deliberately single and out of school for the last 3 years to focus on my life, and build the confidence needed to develope a fulfilling lifestyle after many years of unfortunate childhood abuse. I want to better myself mentally, and become the man that I know I can be. I don't want to be perceived as weak, because I am anything but. I have nothing but ambition inside of me, however, the depression monkey on the back weighs a fuck ton, like some giant cheeseburger eating monkey.
My dream is to some day change this for good. It's also my wish to some day give hope to those who suffer from such a terrible affliction as depression. I would like to change lives, and show people that things can, and will get better.
I don't know why I am writing this on here, exactly. It felt like a good idea at the time but I'm kind of deep into this, lol but bare with me.
If you haven't been scared off by now, you're probably really cool, but I'm sure you're probably cool even if this did scare you. This is me at my most intense. But I mean lol I am not some weird dude that wears goth makeup and cuts myself (not that I'm judging). Nor am I some guy that loves complaining about everything and bringing everyone down. I am a fun person, and I know how to have a great time. I've spent too many years having the opposite of a good time, so I am doing everything to turn that around.
I take some time to warm up, as it is hard for me to build trust after all that I've been through. I do want to know everything about everyone, because I think life is awesome. Life is so awesome, that It pains me to feel such sadness when everything is so beautiful. But hey, I am working on it, and so far I am beginning to see the positives.
I will be truly happy someday, and that is okay with me.
***i have been getting a few messages lately about this. I just want everyone to know that if I don't message you back, please don't take it personal. I am not exactly looking for a relationship, I have this profile so I can be a bit more open minded. I appreciate all of the messages you guys send me, and even if I don't reply, you guys are all beautiful people.