I am a kind, soft-spoken man who is mostly a home body, and a bit of a loner. I don't have alot of friends that i hang out with. this is a bit of a problem beacuse i realize that with out them, it is much harder to go out and find sombody... who's isn't just wanting to fool around. I am tired of the bar scene... it sucks to go to bed alone... but it feels even worse to wake,the next to somone who doesn't care about you.

I have moved around quite a bit in my life;
FL-
Tampa, Clearwater, Brandon, Weki Watchee,

CO-
Denver, Aurora, Littleton, Breckon ridge,
CA-
Stanton, Anhime, Fullerton, Santa Anna, Irvine, Laguna beach, hunnington beach, Beuna Park, long beach, ect..
Wa-
Seattle, Tacoma, Spokane.
NC-
Fort brad, Charlotte, Raliegh.
AR-
Eureka springs, berryville, fyetteville.
AL-
Gulf Shores....at present time.

I both hate and love that i have moved around so much, i have never moved by choice witch really bothers me, i don't really have a place i call home, i know california the best, so i could at least give you a home state.
The bright side of moving around so much would be that, i have grown seeing all type of people, places, ideas, subcultures, I have Become a man of understanding and peace, very little suprises me but i always watch for somthing that will.

I am not religious, I belive that religion teaches wonderful things. I tend to belive that religon is more of a philosophy, rather then an absolute. that being said if you can handle a athiesit/angonisic who will question everything religous or not, who is a little synical or maybe just disapointed in "Fath".

I think if I were ever to practice a religon it would be somthing along the lines of buddism or taoism, somthing that is philosophical in basis.

I think i will be helpful in telling you what i want and find attractive in women. First thing, CUTE is sexy, id rather somone whos of average weight or less...(i'm very sorry, I am just not attracted to bigger women though you are beautiful in you own way) someone who is searching for love, somone who is not selfish, somone I can compleate, and them me. somone who loves to express there feelings to me. i need somone who is really strong to the world but desires love, and support from a guy like me to mantain that strength.
also i am a bit of a loner and want a friend with whom i can spend time with; my partner in crime. lol. i generaly don't like "Buddies" becuase sex for me tends to emotional attatchment on my part... lol i know that sooo like a chick, but i can't help it.

i do the whole bar thing on the weekends but, really i am just a bit on the timid side. (Shhh, don't tell cuz its not "manly" for guys to be shy)
recently my divorce finalized (no worries been separated for a while) i realize that maybe have waited much too long (3 years) and i should start dating.
i had married my first love and were together for almost a decade, it was a wonderful mistake, i am fairly happy to have made it. however since i haven't actualy dated before (outside of high school) i am a little lost as to how i should start, i don't have "Game" just good listening skills, and lots of crazy stories about how I grew up.

some things i enjoy would be
games all kinds
video; final fantisy, breath of fire, persona, soul nomad, warcraft, etc...
board; monopoly, stratego, clue, any board game really. a great way to spend time with people.
word; I really love to play word games in witch once person says a word and you respond first thing off your head like ex_(donky=ass) or I like to combine words like ex_(fighting monkey=funkey)

music

ROCK; linkin park, slipnot, breakinig benjermin, korn, metalica, greenday.
TECHNO; daft punk, ben dj, dj irene, lady gaga, and many small artists.]]
POP; britteny sp
alt,
hipity hop about in that order. I love movies even like a good chick flick now and again. some movies i like would be the butterfly effect, shaw-shank redempshun... i couldn't of spelled that right lol. super bad to name a few.

living it, one day at a time. i plan on go to school, and i grow increasingly tired of the types of work avalible to me. i now work at wal-mart, i am an electronic sales accociate. it pays the bills... not all that satisfying.

i currently don't have a car.
--update i have been saving money and i currently have enough to get a car! just waiting for a little extra for a cushion. just a matter of time now.

confusing myself, playing devel advocate, i have an artisict, if not autisic veiw of the world (extreamly open/complex mind).
loveing, faithfulness, not being the ALPHA male, pleasing, one on one or very small group conversations. being hard on myself.

so long as i have a partener who is open to it, i learn every hope, disire, fantisy... i am really good at loveing. (not meant to be sexual)

i have been called a god in the bedroom, i will do anything to please my partener, lots of experience with sex just not with alot of people. only 5 to be exact. (go's with learning a persons disires, and fantisys.

stupid ol' video games... lol not much to be proud of but im good with problm solving, puzzles, intuitive thinking, aproching old ideas in new ways. i am vary good at helping others with there problems, often times people just need to hear there own thoughts before they can truly grasp the problem intirely. i am good at spelling.... phttt, yeah right! i love to anyilize; people, ideas, social constructs ect. i am good with one on one conversations but shy away from group setting.

ah yes well. i am 6ft tall and with a decent build. add that, with mid-long black hair and two toned blue eyes. shy or no i can turn a head or two. now if were talking personality wise i would have to say they notice a tall, dark, and mysterious guy, who's very polite and soft spoken.

books anything on Dreams, philosophy, fantasy.

pizza is my fav, i like many others like wings, burgers, rubens, ah mostly terrible food i shouldn't eat.... but i do!

1) its a little sad but true, i moved around A LoT and, well my gaming systems have severed as my best-friend on and off for most of my life. its now my means of relaxation along with books and writing.

2) my heart, i might have to pick it up and dust it off every once in a while. it is one of the best things about me. i could never do without it!

3) a friend, we all need at least one! and i mean a true friend. one you can count on, trust and plutonicly love.

4) the internet... other wise i just wasted a crap load of time on here for natta.

5)my crazy ass family, they might be crazy but.... at least there entertaining.

6) ...I'm a strong man, but without you(whom ever you are) it just dosn't feel right.

i spend a lot of time thinking about life and senerios of what could or could have happend. example; im standing at a store, and i wonder if a robber were to come flying out the store right now, would i try to stop him? if i tried,would he shoot me? i don't know why he's robbing this store, should i stop him? maybe he has kids to feed and they will sarve if i stop the robber. what if even more people suffer for my actions? what if he does shoot me and people (my family) suffer for my actions? ah but of course i am in and out before i know it and begain to ponder somthing new! like what does "cats out the bag" really mean? my best guess would be from back in the day to control animal population people would throw litters of unwanted animal in old potato sacks and toss them in the river. people could probly watch a bag sink to the bottom but if they escaped i doubt they'd have the heart to do it twice. thus my reasoning for "the cats out the bag" fun, huh?

PS. uhh, recently i realized that the whole "cats out the bag" deal, might be a little morbid. please just take it for what it is, a guy who makes up fun stories using logic, guess thats borders on Philosophcal theroey.

peeing on the neghbors... its ok there sleeping. lol just kidding! there awake.

wishing i were out having fun.

i feel i should mention that i have never once been; beligerent,agressive, or hateful in any manner while drinking.

OK you want personal, Private?

ok I will give you a piece of not only me as myself, but also me on an unconcious level... this is very private but I just can't think of a better way for a person to understand who i am, or at lest who I have been. some time has passed since this Dream Log. we all know time changes everything...for better or worse.

White Eyes Wolf -Dream Log Page
7-15-08

Lately I have been seeing these scary, pericing, white eyes in my active imagination sessions. useualy by a dog… more like a wolf. Sometimes, more then not some sort of werewolf form but its hard to tell because the focus is more on the top half or the head. I will give some information on what symbolizes I have found. what I picked out I think may be very close to what this is for me.

pg166-167 EYES sec4
of “A Dictionary of Dream Symbols,
With an Introduction to Dream Psychology” by Eric Ackroyd.

It states “The eye(s) may simonize your way of looking at things, yourself and others. Is it a jaundiced eye, a sad eye, etc.? in this way your eyes represent yourself; in this sense all eyes are ‘soul-ful’ – through them you can see your inner self.”

When I see the face I am curious, but when the face turns to look at me… fear and anxiety take hold. I panic and quickly exit the active imagination session. Am I scared it will see me? No, I know it just imagination, but why when it looks at me why do I panic? The eyes go from a normal tone in the shadows, to spotting me and becoming wide round and nearly glowing white… you wouldn’t think white eyes would be so un-nerving but they are! As for the eyes being wide… I can’t tell but I think anger or maybe even raw rage, surprise possibly, but that’s wouldn’t be so frightening.
Now that I think more about the look, it’s a mix of anger, and disdain. Much like the look I used to give my poor ex-wife when we fought… its not so nice being on the other side of this look. i will never be so calous again

Pg307 WHITE sec1
of “A Dictionary of Dream Symbols,
With an Introduction to Dream Psychology” by Eric Ackroyd.

“White may symbolize purity and innocence, peace, happiness, joy, but in the East its is associated with death and mourning.”

Well even though the ladder half is scary and would make more since as to why I am afraid, I am not of the East and in so really don’t associate white with death or mourning. So this leaves the first half, purity and innocence, peace, happiness, joy….i have a friend who tells me that the reason I am have been so unhappy, so depressed lately is because I want to be. Could I be scared of my purity, innocence, etc.? Am I afraid of being happy? If it carries the white eyes, does that make me the monster? Am I afraid of how I see myself, or how others see me?

Pg 310-311 WOLF sec 1,3,4

of “A Dictionary of Dream Symbols,
With an Introduction to Dream Psychology” by Eric Ackroyd.

There were many bit and peaces that seem to strike me about the wolf, the wolf has been an EXTREAM influence on my psyche though dreams/nightmares.

1) A wolf may symbolize all that you are afraid of in yourself, particularly what you see as ‘animal’, aggressive and destructive. Probably your fear is irrational and stems from a traumatic childhood experience (e.g. a desire for the parent of the opposite sex and the resultant fear of punishment). This werewolf anxiety is a fairly common ingredient in literature: hess’s Steppenwolf is an example. It is nearly always a consequence of repressed instinct, usually sexual.

3) it may symbolize your unconscious, seen as something frightening. See also ANIMAL(S).

4) it is just possible that the Christian symbolism of wolf as a devil, lamb as Christians has found its way into your dream. In that case the dream may express a fear of losing your innocence (moral or sexual) or you sense of meaning and purpose in life, your belief system or convictions.

I will pick out from each selection then bring them together.

Am I afraid of myself, absolutely; I don’t really know why, or how it came to be but its most certainly there. I think I am hard on myself and therefore I am afraid of my own judgment.
“aggressive and destructive” two things I try so very hard not to be. And yet I feel it right under my skin, just crawling around searching for a way out. I think in trying to be a “good and kind man” I have ignored everything that that makes a man. Ive become this little whelp, infeminante, and emotionally frail boy-man. And I am so angry about this, all I wanted was to be something that someone could love, now I can’t even stand myself. (Bravo)
Irrationally fear usually stems from childhood trauma? Guess I could see that but I can’t remember any serious childhood trama, but then why do I feel the need to comment about it?
“Werewolf anxiety is nearly always a consequences of repressed instinct, usually sexual.” I have some serious problems with sex… I don’t enjoy much of it and it makes me feel empty. Often times I feel as if I do it for other peoples sake but I don’t seem to get a whole lot out of it... i think i'm just not the causual sex kind of man. i bet if i found sombody i really cared about, it would make all the difference.

hey look, i am really bad at being the first one to write... that being said, i probbly looked at your profile and like you too. so please don't be shy. even if you are shy just be strong the one time, i'll figure out the rest.