Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I once did the hokey-poky and turned myself around...yet afterward
I realized it wasn't in fact "what it was all about." So I decided
to read Nietzsche and from there things got weird...and that's how
I like it.
I can't salsa dance or speak fluent Spanish but I'm pretty good at
faking both of these things making me the next best thing to a
One of my ex-girlfriends told me that she truly didn't understand
me until she read "The Fountainhead." On one hand I was flattered
she compared my drive to the main character, but on the other hand
I wasn't sure what to think considering Ayn Rand is a humorless
The one pic I have on here is old so I'm probably a bit uglier now.
I lost more recent self pics in a tragic hard drive crash. At some
point I'll have something new.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Funny OK Cupid should ask that considering I'm a "life" coach!
Isn't that totally crazy that's "what I'm doing in life?"
No, just kidding. Any man who self identifies as life coach should
be punched in the balls and any woman who makes a similar statement
should never be bought drinks.
I'm a writer/filmaker and an entrepreneur. I've owned two
businesses while ambitiously pursuing my dreams as a storyteller.
I've been the starving artist before but I don't hold that as a
virtue, I believe in building wealth, but doing it on my own terms.
I have no respect for people that value money and status over the
the joy of the hunt itself and the intoxication of the warrior
spirit. They are cowards.
Of course, often when you tell people you're a writer/filmaker many
assume you're some flakey ass hipster in sandals. I can't say I
blame them considering how many white middle class assholes both
make bad fashion decisions and think smoking a bowl suddenly makes
them a genius. This is a plague in our modern society driven by
media whore narcissism.
So as an attempt to dispel any notion that I might be drinking
lattes and writing nauseating nature poetry I'm going to post a
blurb from an Emmy Winning Producer about my work:
"Visually compelling, provocative, insightful, and highly
I admit posting the above on a dating profile may be douche-like,
but I just want clarify that just because I'm not currently rich
and famous doesn't mean I lack talent. I myself have met a
multitude of lazy talentless deluded blow hards, so I imagine such
assumptions could be made about me. (And for the record I have
nothing against lazy talentless people...just when you add the
deluded blowhard thing)
Here's my website which is in the process of becoming something
bigger and much more interesting:
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Filling out OK Cupid profiles.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That it's very awkward that I'm the one white guy in an NWA tribute
band and that I'm not capable of "reaching back like a pimp and
slapping the hoes." This quality does disappoint some women
though...but for the right gal we could probably work something out
with a legal contract and a safe word.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
What I say when I Hit on girls with English/Lit degrees:
"I'm into Joyce, Kafka, Burroughs, Rimbaud, Pynchon, Shakespeare,
Conrad, Camus, etc. etc." I then give some pretentious line like,
"this is the type of literature that scours the depths of the human
psyche and stirs the imagination...sometimes lifting us up beyond
our dreary plight and manifesting what we know of as truth." If
that doesn't work then I start quoting from the "Vagina
Monologues," hoping to crack her feminist veneer, but admittedly
most of the attraction on my end will be lost. (I'm pro feminism,
but not the "Vagina Monologue" type of feminism) If she's not a
"Vagina Monologues" type of gal I asses the situation and
and see if it's worth pretending that I've actually read the Harry
Potter series. If I have to deconstruct "Twilight," she better be a
I like my movies like I like my women. Foreign and with
subtitles...so you know what the hell they are both saying. *Drum
hit* *cymbal crash* ( OK folks I'll be here all weekend telling
sexist jokes, be sure and tip your bartender.)
I have better taste in music than that smug "vinyl collecting"
hipster that works in the indie record store known to smell of cat
Seriously, who gives a shit. I know its fun to list things but what
does me liking sushi have to do with anything?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
This is another asinine question apart of larger social media trend
meant to condition us into a nihilistic consumer idolatry. (How's
that for some political wank...ho ho...)
Sorry ladies, I refuse to believe you can't live without your
sparkly strawberry lip balm.
And if you list things not product based like "my heart of gold,"
you're trying to hard.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What is the solution to a unified theory of quantum gravity that
alludes even today's most erudite theoretical physicists? Then I
get distracted and start thinking about Monster Trucks, and how
cool it is that they can smash and run over things.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Catfishing people on various dating profiles. I'm actually a 400
pound plus female shut in who is bitter and lonely so I get off on
breaking other women's hearts through my internet connection. I do
it best by pretending to be a smartass tortured artist dude in his
Oops, I think I was supposed to put that on "The Most Private thing
I'm willing to admit" section below.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My first memory of feeling sexual attraction came while looking at
my He-Man coloring book and becoming obsessed with a picture of Tia
being tied up in a torture dungeon while Evil Lynn force fed her
some kind of bizarre pudding substance. This situation was made
much more awkward due to the fact that I somehow mixed a series of
crayola colors to make the pudding look like some kind of sick
I blame He-Man for all my relationship failures. "It's not you
baby, and it's not me either...It's He-Man!"
BTW, Skeletor was a metaphor for AIDS. Safe Sex Kids!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you are a living incarnation of a Hitchockian female starlett.
This means you are beautiful in analog to an ice sculpture, cold
yet symmetrically seductive, with penetrating eyes that let the
occasional dream sequence seep out for us both to hallucinate
in...and of course you must be capable of committing murder.
Also, if you happen to believe you are the "Whore of Babylon" as
prophesied in the biblical treatise "The Revelation of St. John the
Divine," we should totally hang out and "sext."
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.