Is Don Draper available to write my pitch for me?

I am...uh, a vaguely person-shaped meaty object. I like friends...and laughing...and...no, wait - don't go! I secretly work for the CIA! I'm a long-stranded time traveler! I invented dice!

(The above may or may not be a slight modification of the truth)

Really, though, in short: I love the arts (especially film) and abstract thought. I'm a Polish transplant. I'm pretty good at convincing people everything they believe is wrong (Try me!). Socrates is my hero.

I'm a philosophy PhD student. In other words, I intend to go to school until the day I die in a tragic grading-related incident.

Raising my eyebrows. Math. Debate. Fencing (the kind with blades, not with fences). Tennis (table and otherwise). Games that pit one person against another, mano a mano. Writing. Videogames. Making curry. Playing exactly three pieces on the piano.

I'm really bad at: Bearding, snapping my fingers, small talk, directions, eating only half, first dates, fixing broken things, fashion, netflix-related self-control, ferrero rocher-related self-control, sensible sleep scheduling, social tact, dancing - I should stop this list, shouldn't I?

That I say "plausible" way too much. That I pace a lot. My hands. My beautiful, beautiful hands.

Books: Calvin and Hobbes, anything by Vladimir Nabokov, Jorge Luis Borges, or Kafka. Also, James Joyce, David Sedaris, Kurt Vonnegut, Wittgenstein's Philosophical Investigations, Catch-22, A Clockwork Orange, The Little Prince, Alice in Wonderland

Movies: Too many to name, but a few are - In the Mood for Love (And other Wong Kar-Wai movies), Let the Right One In, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Annie Hall (and other Woody Allen), Apocalypse Now, Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, City Lights, Miyazaki films, Taxi Driver, Kurosawa films, 8 1/2, Casablanca, Coen brothers' films, etc. etc. etc.

Music: Tom Waits, Pink Floyd, Radiohead, Nirvana, Sufjan Stevens, Arcade Fire, Neutral Milk Hotel, Band of Horses, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Modest Mouse, Nick Cave, The Beatles, The Cranberries, Bobby MacFerrin, Chopin, etc. etc. etc.
TV: The Wire, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Game of Thrones, Community, Louie
Food: Indian, Thai, Korean, Polish, Ethiopian

My awesome family, That match cut from the bone to the spacecraft in 2001: A Space Odyssey, the goodbye rehearsal scene from In the Mood for Love, every line of Lolita, and sriracha sauce.

Morality, rationality, my moral guilt for not being vegetarian or giving most of my income to charity, good locations to fire a portal gun

Eating Korean Barbeque with friends, then watching a movie and passing out.

I cry during movies.

You want someone to watch awesome movies with, you want to teach me how to dance, you'd like to trade thoughts and arguments about ethics or anything else. You can sit through a movie that's in black and white or has subtitles.

If you've got some movie/book/music to recommend!