Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"We are a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if
another woman is really the answer we need."--Tyler Durden
I put the Man in Manhattan.
I am also the reason why Madonna had to abruptly end her "Like A
Virgin" tour and to forgo wearing white at all of her weddings. And
yes, that claim pre-dates her marriage to Sean Penn.
If you are too young to know about Madonna's Virgin tour or
marriage to Sean Penn (hey, I'll date young but not dumb) then just
know that Christine Agueliera had no clue about how to hit a C over
a high E until she met me...in the bedroom. But that's another
story. And if you are so young that you only know who Lady Gaga is
(and/or don't have a clue about how to relax your gag reflexes)
then lose my email because I don't date THAT young.
To reiterate, I am just 100% pure unadulterated man who is a shrewd
lewd dude who enjoys a bit of the crude but without being rude. I
am here to meet a woman who can keep up with me...in the
(If you know anything about chess that was a Benoni opening)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I have taken to prayer. Every day, I pray that Belladonna, the porn
star, will divorce her husband. Yup, she is married and we are all
single. As the Jewish grandmother I never had used to say "Oy
I'm also trying to follow my two New Year's resolutions which are
1) to stop being so goddamn handsome and 2) to be a lot more
modest. I'll let you be the judge of how I am progressing with
those goals. If you say I'm handsome and also a handful, then you
probably get my vibe.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Pleasing the right woman. For instance, I'm very good at being on
top...of the news.
I LOVE to get down and dirty...when I vaccum under my couch.
I'm very good at getting a woman hot...after turning up the heat in
I also enjoy being chivalrous, helping old ladies across the street
and taking gaggles of ladies to the latest greatest restaurants.
Finally, on the rarest of rare occasions, I'm also "ok" with being
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
is I'm actually a lot more serious about life, love and
relationships than most people expect me to be...once they sign a
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Favorite book: Women are from Venus, Men are from Uranus
Favorite movie: The Sisterhood of Traveling Pantyhose
Favorite Magazine: Cooking Light in a Meth Labb
Favorite show: Annie Sprinkle Live
Favorite music: 70s porno music, duh (is this a real
Favorite food: chocolate, oysters, Spanish Fly and other
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I can actually do without a lot of material items. What I refuse to
do without is settle on a life partner who cant laugh at life's's
absurbities and to be moved by it's grace. If you aren't honest
with your own true carnal desires then I wish you luck reading
On that note, what I could never do with is/are:
1) selfish people who think compassion is spelled with a u and is a
2) marrying for the sole reason of having kids
3) an understanding of love that is static
4) people who fail to see point 1 plus point 2 leads to point
5) a lover who thinks swallow is just a bird and deepthroat is just
a character in All the President's Men
6) people who don't understand comedy is nature's way of making the
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
That legumes are sexy because:
Remembering to check myself before I wreck myself.
The irony of being a prisoner in New Hampshire and making license
plates with the state motto of "Live free or die."
That the most unattractive word to hear in a promising relationship
is the word "no". That word defeats the attempt for an open and
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
trying to imbibe a three letter word that starts with an "a" and in
crossword puzzle cirlces is referred to as "beer's cousin".
The answer is "ale".
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
In my heart lies an optimist, in my tax returns lies a
Anyone who serves a Ceasar salad followed by a vol-au-vent doesn't
have a clue to what they are doing in the kitchen.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You have a life story you want to share with me. I am absolutely
fascinated by how we all got here and how Belladonna was raised a
You believe from small acorns grow mighty oaks (hey, I need to grow
it in order to show it), you aspire to be the Kielbasa Queen, you
got past your initial reaction that I'm the south end of a horse
facing north and you kept reading and/or you realized that my
profile is better than the last guy's . (BTW, I know that dude and
while I have nothing against him personally, rumor has it he has
crabs. Of course, you didn't hear it from me so don't hate the
player just hate the game.)
Quite honestly, I would rather just walk up to someone, drop a
humor bomb, and introduce myself but I suspect this internet dating
thing is bigger than I realize.
Who are you looking for?
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