I'm hilarious.

I'm an attorney. For the government. I'm doing very well for myself, and I like my job.

I'm a comedian. A good one. I've performed at the Lincoln Theater, DC Improv, Arlington Cinema 'n' Drafthouse, Busboys and Poets, Bohemian Caverns, and many, many more.

Everything. I'm a confident and compentant person. I get results.

My voice. It's unsual. It quakes. I sound like Robert F. Kennedy.

I have a scar on my forehead ala Harry Potter. I fell down a flight of stairs face first. Scarier than surviving an attack by Voldemort.

I bet you want to read a LONG list of my tastes, right?

Books: I love biographies. Roger Ebert's "Life Itself" was great. "Einstein: His Life and Universe" and "Steve Jobs" by Walter Isaacson. "Masters of Doom" by David Kushner. "Born Standing Up" by Steve Martin.

Movies: Mike Birbiglia's "Sleepwalk with Me." Anything nominated for an Oscar.

Shows: Daily Show, Colbert Report, South Park (sometimes), Louie, Breaking Bad. Embarrasing show that I like? I love watching televised poker tournaments while I'm at the gym.

Food: Vegetables, Fruit, Nuts, and Meat! I eat a healthy diet.

Podcasts: "You Made it Weird" and "This American Life."

Cool places and things to do in the district. If you need a guide, I'm your man.

Seeing a show (DC Improv, Arlington Cinema 'n' Drafthouse, one of the DC theaters including Wooly Mammoth, etc.) or out with my friends.

I have a minor physical disability; I have an issue with my balance as a result of an injury at birth. Most people wouldn't know it if I didn't talk about it. Some do notice (physicians, physical therapists, martial arts instructors). Unless your "must haves" include a skiing/ice skating partner, it won't be a big deal.

Just send it.