"There's not an ounce of malice in you."
"I'd say about 8 inches but you can measure with a bill."
"Has anyone told you that you look like Joe Flacco?"
"Are you related to Joe Flacco?"
"Congrats on the Super Bowl win!"
"As far as tattoos go, it's less douchey than most."
"You're witty and I like you."
"I can't make out with you, you look too much like my brother."
"I didn't get you at first, but now I do- you joke around a lot, but at the end of the day, you'll do anything for anyone."
I'm drier than a nun's cooter.