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... And now, for something completely different

Sorry, Owl. Couldn't leave well enough alone.

For those of you who are contemplating what your New Year's resolution will be, I have a thought.

How about World Peace?

"Oh, sure!" you say. "I can do that all on my own! Riiiiight..."

Ok, maybe you can't all on your own. But, that's ok. Because you can change yourself and the way you interact with others. You see, world peace has to start somewhere and why NOT you? I mean really. Look at the way you behave. Are you living up to your own standards? Are you treating people as you'd like to be treated? The clerk behind the register, the people on the bus, the person who answers the phone for your Dr's office in the middle of the night, the wait staff at the cafe, your parents, your children, yourself? It only requires that you be honest with yourself and do things differently if you don't care for what you find.

Peace starts with yourself, inside, and spreads from there to the people you touch everyday. It has to start somewhere, with someone. Why not you?

Ok, 'tis the season and all that. Everywhere you go there's signs of festivity and cheer, togetherness and all that stuff. Yet, despite the pressure to conform, there are people out there who will insist upon being bummed out for various reasons. It might be that they're not Christian and feel left out. Or maybe they're turned off by the rabid commercialism of what was supposed to be a sacred holy day. Or maybe they miss their family. Or, like many of you reading this, they don't have a special someone with whom to share their time and memories.

In fact, the rates of people who become severely depressed, or suicidal, during the holiday season is surprizingly high and growing. To them I say, "Talk to someone. And get thee to thy doctor or a therapist." But, why is it happening, you ask. I'm not an expert, but I AM a sucker for soapbox so let's see if I can shed some light on some of the reasons why. I say some because the reasons are many and varied and, as mentioned, I'm not an expert. Furthermore, I'm NOT being paid so you get what I gives you. I accept cookies.

Ok. One of the first things to look at when you've got a problem not confined to a single region, economic class, gender or nationality (yes, Europeans have a similar problem - probably better documented since most of them actually HAVE healthcare that won't spiral through the roof in cost if you get diagnosed with something mental or expensive to treat) is what they have in common. They have swiftly changing/globalizing societies (technology, doncha know?). They have cultures heavily influenced by Christianity. They have geographic locales north of the Tropic of Cancer. And probably some other things, but this will be long enough as it is. Now, I won't speculate how the latter affects people (because that's getting into the realm of medicine) except to point out that people can often time their seasonal bummage in direct correlation to the shortening of the days. I dunno about causality and since I'm not getting paid, I'm not going to look to see if there's current research, either. Look it up yourself if you're bored. Later, of course.

On the cultural front, I'm on more familiar ground. Since we're getting into tl;dr length, I'll shorten it somewhat. Let's start with a story. It's short.

I've got a friend whose healthcare pays for a certain number of mental health visits a year. Because he's depressed and a he's a cheap bastard (not related issues), he makes sure that he uses them. However, he always picks the attractive female therapists, isn't honest with them, doesn't tell them crap and then tries to tell me that psychologists are useless when the problem was a GIGO error (Garbage In/Garbage Out). He solemnly promised to never do that again once he recovered his hearing.

After ruling out SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is the medical thing I'm not going to talk about) and clinical depression (whole 'nother ball of wax) a therapist is likely to tell our erstwhile 'Cupidista that it's related to things like trust and self-esteem. "Yeah, right." you say. But, lemme 'splain.

A lot of stuff is inter-related simply because we tend to build our sense of self and personality like a house of cards. Trust and self-esteem/self-image, for example, are part of the foundation. When they're screwed up, everything built on top of them is unstable even if it looks solid from the outside. In a way, when those particular two are messed up, that makes it even HARDER to deal with a therapist since there's the trust issue and people with self-esteem issues want to put their best face forward. Why trust and self-esteem? Well, what's going through YOUR mind when you're bummed? Why me? What's wrong with me? Where are my friends? Where is my family? Why won't anyone help me? Why doesn't anyone have time to talk to me? Why can't I rely on anyone to be there for me when I need to talk? Do you see why those two are the most common things that a therapist wants to talk about first? Gotta stop that negative, self-feeding self-talk circle of darkness and all.

American culture tells us to suck it up and pretend like nothing is wrong (keeping up appearances). At one point in time, it didn't matter so much because most people felt confident that they could talk to the village priest, a family member or their doctor. Our society has changed to where these essential cultural support systems are no longer available to many people. Your priest (if you have one) doesn't know you from the other several hundred in the congregation and even if he/she does, the trust that your problem won't make the gossip rounds, isn't there. The advent of the nuclear family in the '50s meant that for most of us, our extended family is no longer is in close contact, so they don't know us well. That leaves talking to your doctor, who will... anyone?... anyone?... That's right. They'll refer you to a psychologist or psychiastrist.

"Why not just get a self-help book?" you ask, "They're cheaper." Self-help books are written for the masses and are so general that they're often not a lot of help to the not-so-general person (and you don't get much cathartic effect from bitching to a book). Sure, they are chock full of useful advice. But, the interaction with another person who can listen and help direct your thought-train really does make a difference when you're truly depressed.

We'll leave the religious influences on culture and society for a different lecture... err... journal entry. But, if you tl;dr'd this post, here's the gist.

If you're bummed, talk to someone. Talk to a REAL person in person. Why? Because it's not nearly so satisfying to hug a phone or computer. That's why. If you can, see a therapist. They get paid to listen to you gripe and help you find your own solutions to your problems. They will cheerfully teach you better coping techniques for daily life. A therapist can only be as helpful as you are honest and forthright, so get your money's worth. Oh, and my friend wasn't all wrong. As with any large group of people, some won't fit right with you and some will be jackasses. So, don't be afraid to change therapists if you're not feeling it. And stick your bare feet in a bin of warm sand and wiggle your toes. It's really cool.

... that the LOLCat I sent to glare at him so his own kitty could take a break occasionally was not sufficiently intimidating. Nor, did it engender enough guilt. I'll look for a better one for guilt, but this might do for intimidation... .

Is that better, Owl? Who better than Basement Cat?

We're gonna need it... .

and are feeling like the world is ganging up on you.

#198

Really. You should.

Get it? No bull? Aahahahah!! Darn but I amuse myself sometimes... .

Link if pic not showing

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I dunno, but it's different and still funny.

Srsly.