July 31 2009

I've been moving pretty much nonstop for the last couple of years. Whether it be studying, working, writing, travel chasing or running away from daemons I've been pretty much constantly alert. I'm not sure when this started. I've noticed now more than ever I have been struggling to relax. Even when on vacation, even with time off. I had a history of anxiety but haven't noticed any problems in the last four years. 

Have I just set myself into a "comfortable" routine in order to keep myself level? 

When I came out here to Turkey I was a nervous wreck, constantly thinking about what I was to over come. All I really wanted were a few days off. Just a few days to sleep in, stay up late and laugh till I passed out. Haven't had many of those lately. I don't know what happened. I think I started becoming less and less "fun" as the idea of "being and adult" started to creep into my subconscious and conscious alike. 

Now here I am, on the land-bridge that connects Asia and Europe and I have no idea why anymore. What was it about back home that I needed to be away from? What was it that I was hoping to find here? The answers to these questions may elude me forever. Then again the purpose of my life has never been to find answers, but to generate questions. You can always get more out of a good question that a good answer. 

None of this made any sense I'm sure. Just rambling on this thing. 

-Reynaldo