I'm looking for the fairy tale; might as well scare people off right from the start. I want that nice house in the outer suburbs with a big piece of land and beautiful swimming pool out back, surrounded by that white picket fence. Well, actually I've never liked picket fences that much, but we can replace it with a waist high raised garden; I love gardens. And a nice long driveway running under arched trellessis every ten feet that are covered in climbing roses. None of that has any meaning, of course, without a partner to build it with and share it with.
I'm looking for true love; someone to spend my life with. Honesty, romance, empathy, trust, openness, stability, passion, reliability, tenderness, absolute commitment; if any of those are missing in a relationship then it's not one I have interest in. And if all of them are there I really think any other differences can be worked through with ease. I don't want someone I can befriend for a couple years until something maybe develops and we decide after a half-decade rocky relationship that we want to get married. I want someone that knows what they want and are committed to not wasting any more time alone. Someone I can talk to right away about the important things, so we can feel each other out immediately, and fall into a comfortable relationship pretty early on actively working to build and mold it into our dream. Someone who, of course, identifies with most of my profile, and either enjoys the same things I do or would like to try those things and integrate them into their life.
I want someone who is a part of me. Someone who I can speak every thought that pops into my head to. Someone who comes home from work and is excited to tell me about every aspect of her day. I want a relationship where we both think of one another all the time, figure out the next big surprise or romantic gesture, planning out how to best share something we just saw or experienced for maximum effect, or just smiling at how lucky we were to find one another. There will be no secrets, ever, besides the occassional surprise party or present, and there will be complete trust born from that openness and closeness. Each of us will always be there for the other when they need us, without them ever needing to ask.
I'm responsible and dependable, and will follow my responsibilities through even at great personal sacrifice, and my perfect partner would be the same. Neither of us would ever forget anniversaries; even if we couldn't do anything special for whatever reason and just end up toasting it with a glass of wine in a relaxing bubble bath that night. We won't shirk responsibilities to one another, but just as importantly we won't shirk our responsibilities to others. In doing such we will gain and maintain a healthy respect for one another as decent, responsible, ethical people.
We will never argue, but will instead 'debate'. We will always give in to that which is objectively, rationally correct. We will support our views with reason and facts, and not logical fallacies, and we will give in with a laugh and great respect for the opponent that defeated us when shown to be in error. But we will always consider one another's feelings as paramount, and happily spend a few extra dollars out of our budget or make a small change to our lives to accomodate one another's insecurities or desires...without a moment's hesitation.
We will maintain financial independance mostly so we can enjoy buying gifts and giving of ourselves to one another. We will share every part of ourselves with each other. Activities we enjoy we will enjoy because we can share the process or the results with others (most notably each other). We'll enjoy grocery shopping and cleaning the house because it's time we get to spend together strengthening our relationship. We'll enjoy learning partially so we can excitedly tell the other what cool new things we've learned. We will enjoy creating partially so we can excitedly show the other what cool new thing we've created. And we will both take a very active interest in asking one another to share that which we've created or learned.
We will love taking care of one another. If one of us has a medical procedure, the other will happily take off to be there with us. If one of us is home sick, the other will call of work without hesitation to stay home and take care of him/her. If one of us is overwhelmed, either from too many responsibilities pouring in or just because of some emotionally difficult situation that's occurred, the other will step in and take some of the load off without a word. We'll do this not from some sense of responsibility, but because we will truly enjoy getting the opportunity to be there for our partner when they're at their lowest so we can support them, and life them back up to where they need to be.
Neither of us will be well travelled, because we'll have seen little point in doing so alone. But after getting together we'll take the time to visit places new and old. Someday we might walk the Incan Trail to Machu Piccu, or relax on a beach in Fiji. And often we'll visit old family vacation spots or spend a few days in Vegas. But almost always together; only when it's somewhere we've been many times before will we go alone or with other friends, and only then under special circumstances. And not because it's some pointless rule, but because the thought of experiencing something new without sharing it with the other diminishes us.
We will want to be a part of one another's life, past as much as present and future. From our first conversations we'll talk about past relationship and memories of our youth, both positive and negative. We'll ask one another regularly to learn more about the experiences that made each of us who we are. We'll invite the other to talk about anything that comes to mind, especially nostalgic memories. I can think of no more welcome conversation, when drifting on the waters of lake Moraine in a pontoon boat some quiet sunny afternoon, than of what long lost memories the smells, sounds, and sights of the scenery around us evoke in my partner.
Over time our feelings will grow, not diminish. We'll understand basic psychology enough to know we'll eventually start to take one another for granted, and when we sense the slightest hint of that urge we'll immediately dedicate ourselves to working even harder in the relationship; always reminding ourselves and each other what we have together. Our love will be far stronger twenty years down the road than it was on our first anniversary, and never will we be closer than when we're in our eighties and enjoying the last of our years together.
We will mean the world to each other.
If that doesn't sound perfect to you, then I'm probably not the guy for you.
There doesn't seem a much better place to put this, so...
Some random things I absolutely love:
- Waking up next to someone I love, cuddling up with them, and closing my eyes so we can relax and lay there enjoying each other's company.
- Catching Fireflies.
- Being playful. Picking my partner up and throwing her on the bed; Racing from the car into the supermarket; Pouncing my partner with tickles; having a random squirt gun battle for no reason.
- Hanging out all night at home playing video games with my partner, and occassionally having a LAN party with friends. I'll be honest, I spend far more time playing video games than most other activities. Right now I'm addicted to WoW (World of Warcraft), but have traditionally liked TBS and RTS games.
- Enjoying a bubble bath together while sipping wine and talking (or just enjoying one another's embrace).
- Baking chocolate chip cookies.
- Stargazing, or watching a thunderstorm, together.
- Walking out of the house to head to work on a beautiful morning, then abruptly turning around to go back in and ask my partner to play hookie with me that day so we can go enjoy it together. Especially in the Spring.
- Getting addicted to TV series...and I mean addicted. When I watched my first few episodes of SG1 and decided I wanted to catch up (back around the middle of S8) I watched about 5 episodes a night so I was ready to start watching them live starting with S9. I like to be able to share these mini-obsessions with my partner.
- Working on our relationship / Building our life together. I know, it's cliche. I don't really care; it makes me feel uplifted.
- Christmas shopping. Well, any shopping really (besides clothes shopping), but Christmas shopping has an added bit of magic about it.
- Sharing a romantic candle-lit dinner with my partner.
- Holiday stuff. Decorating the Christmas tree; Wrapping presents; Carving a pumpkin; Dying Easter eggs; Buying fireworks; Dressing up and giving out candy on Halloween.
- Going to Cook's Forest a few weekends a year. Spending the days trouncing through the woods or canoing down the river, and the nights cuddled up together in a clean, warm hotel room.
- Trading back scratches / massages with my partner on a regular basis. Spending a few hours watching TV, trading places each commercial break, is an awesome way to spend a lazy night at home...or a relaxing evening after a day of activity.
- Occasionally going out to local 'events'. Whether it's an art show, the RenFest, or something else, once every month or so I just like to get out and do something different for a day.
Some other quick notes:
Note 1: I'm a critical thinker who sometimes has trouble fitting into our magical-thinking woo-crazed society. While I'm a hopeless romantic, and love escaping into fantasy and sci-fi movies and books, I like to keep a clear view of truth and reality. I truly believe that a little calm logical rationality could solve most of the worlds problems. I'm a skeptic and I guess you could call me a bit of a scientist in nature, though I don't work in the sciences professionally.
Note 2: I should probably make a point about my listed atheism here. I mean that to be the original neologism: a - the - ism; 'without god belief'. To make assertions without proper logical or scientific evidence is the definition of arrogance to me, and to do so asserting one knows the mind and form of the ultimate truths of existence is beyond my comprehension. Similarly, hard (angry) atheism does not appeal to me; One cannot scientifically prove a negative. Though I will admit to becoming a bit more...impassioned than I may otherwise like at times. I have no problem at all with religions that are actually more philosophical constructs (like Buddhism), nor with religions that are designed to provide symbolic focii for what are ultimately rationally explainable phenomena (like some practices of neo-paganism)
Note 3: I recently went through a divorce (end of 2009), and for those worried about it I feel like I should say that I don't think I'd ever choose divorce in almost any circumstance. I think that when marriage is though of as anything other than absolutely permanent, it limits trust and prevents effective problem resolution. Divorce was not my choice, not my idea, and I did not agree with the decision, and to this day I still don't really believe in divorce. Unfortunately, it only takes one person to stop trying and to make that decision. I would like to find someone who, similarly, does not consider running away a viable alternative in any but the most dire cases, and is passionate about vigilance in keeping the relationship strong and resolving any issues together immediately before they become a real problem.
Note 4: The past is very important to me in general, and I need someone that at least understands and respects that. Nostalgia is an extremely powerful and common emotion and I like to be able to embrace it. From elementary school to yesterday, my past is a huge part of who I am, just as large as the present and the future (maybe even more so than them), and I see anyone not interested in my past as not interested in really knowing me.
Note 5: I'm very different than most people in the way I think. In short, I tend to abstract situations into objective generalizations and apply a rational ethical framework in an effort to find the most objectively just solution. Then I implement it. While others appear to apply a more non-analytical heuristic algorithm to most choices that includes both bias and subjectivism. I would like to find someone like myself, but I know that's asking a lot.
I am sensitive, open, and reliable. What? I'm allowed to bracket my self-summary in tri-word descriptors. ;)