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34 M Canonsburg, PA

My Details

Last Online
Nov 7, 2010
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Atheism, and very serious about it
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Because I like the three-descriptor format: I am skeptical, rational, and an idealist.

I'm looking for the fairy tale; might as well scare people off right from the start. I want that nice house in the outer suburbs with a big piece of land and beautiful swimming pool out back, surrounded by that white picket fence. Well, actually I've never liked picket fences that much, but we can replace it with a waist high raised garden; I love gardens. And a nice long driveway running under arched trellessis every ten feet that are covered in climbing roses. None of that has any meaning, of course, without a partner to build it with and share it with.

I'm looking for true love; someone to spend my life with. Honesty, romance, empathy, trust, openness, stability, passion, reliability, tenderness, absolute commitment; if any of those are missing in a relationship then it's not one I have interest in. And if all of them are there I really think any other differences can be worked through with ease. I don't want someone I can befriend for a couple years until something maybe develops and we decide after a half-decade rocky relationship that we want to get married. I want someone that knows what they want and are committed to not wasting any more time alone. Someone I can talk to right away about the important things, so we can feel each other out immediately, and fall into a comfortable relationship pretty early on actively working to build and mold it into our dream. Someone who, of course, identifies with most of my profile, and either enjoys the same things I do or would like to try those things and integrate them into their life.

I want someone who is a part of me. Someone who I can speak every thought that pops into my head to. Someone who comes home from work and is excited to tell me about every aspect of her day. I want a relationship where we both think of one another all the time, figure out the next big surprise or romantic gesture, planning out how to best share something we just saw or experienced for maximum effect, or just smiling at how lucky we were to find one another. There will be no secrets, ever, besides the occassional surprise party or present, and there will be complete trust born from that openness and closeness. Each of us will always be there for the other when they need us, without them ever needing to ask.

I'm responsible and dependable, and will follow my responsibilities through even at great personal sacrifice, and my perfect partner would be the same. Neither of us would ever forget anniversaries; even if we couldn't do anything special for whatever reason and just end up toasting it with a glass of wine in a relaxing bubble bath that night. We won't shirk responsibilities to one another, but just as importantly we won't shirk our responsibilities to others. In doing such we will gain and maintain a healthy respect for one another as decent, responsible, ethical people.

We will never argue, but will instead 'debate'. We will always give in to that which is objectively, rationally correct. We will support our views with reason and facts, and not logical fallacies, and we will give in with a laugh and great respect for the opponent that defeated us when shown to be in error. But we will always consider one another's feelings as paramount, and happily spend a few extra dollars out of our budget or make a small change to our lives to accomodate one another's insecurities or desires...without a moment's hesitation.

We will maintain financial independance mostly so we can enjoy buying gifts and giving of ourselves to one another. We will share every part of ourselves with each other. Activities we enjoy we will enjoy because we can share the process or the results with others (most notably each other). We'll enjoy grocery shopping and cleaning the house because it's time we get to spend together strengthening our relationship. We'll enjoy learning partially so we can excitedly tell the other what cool new things we've learned. We will enjoy creating partially so we can excitedly show the other what cool new thing we've created. And we will both take a very active interest in asking one another to share that which we've created or learned.

We will love taking care of one another. If one of us has a medical procedure, the other will happily take off to be there with us. If one of us is home sick, the other will call of work without hesitation to stay home and take care of him/her. If one of us is overwhelmed, either from too many responsibilities pouring in or just because of some emotionally difficult situation that's occurred, the other will step in and take some of the load off without a word. We'll do this not from some sense of responsibility, but because we will truly enjoy getting the opportunity to be there for our partner when they're at their lowest so we can support them, and life them back up to where they need to be.

Neither of us will be well travelled, because we'll have seen little point in doing so alone. But after getting together we'll take the time to visit places new and old. Someday we might walk the Incan Trail to Machu Piccu, or relax on a beach in Fiji. And often we'll visit old family vacation spots or spend a few days in Vegas. But almost always together; only when it's somewhere we've been many times before will we go alone or with other friends, and only then under special circumstances. And not because it's some pointless rule, but because the thought of experiencing something new without sharing it with the other diminishes us.

We will want to be a part of one another's life, past as much as present and future. From our first conversations we'll talk about past relationship and memories of our youth, both positive and negative. We'll ask one another regularly to learn more about the experiences that made each of us who we are. We'll invite the other to talk about anything that comes to mind, especially nostalgic memories. I can think of no more welcome conversation, when drifting on the waters of lake Moraine in a pontoon boat some quiet sunny afternoon, than of what long lost memories the smells, sounds, and sights of the scenery around us evoke in my partner.

Over time our feelings will grow, not diminish. We'll understand basic psychology enough to know we'll eventually start to take one another for granted, and when we sense the slightest hint of that urge we'll immediately dedicate ourselves to working even harder in the relationship; always reminding ourselves and each other what we have together. Our love will be far stronger twenty years down the road than it was on our first anniversary, and never will we be closer than when we're in our eighties and enjoying the last of our years together.

We will mean the world to each other.

If that doesn't sound perfect to you, then I'm probably not the guy for you.

There doesn't seem a much better place to put this, so...
Some random things I absolutely love:
- Waking up next to someone I love, cuddling up with them, and closing my eyes so we can relax and lay there enjoying each other's company.

- Catching Fireflies.

- Being playful. Picking my partner up and throwing her on the bed; Racing from the car into the supermarket; Pouncing my partner with tickles; having a random squirt gun battle for no reason.

- Hanging out all night at home playing video games with my partner, and occassionally having a LAN party with friends. I'll be honest, I spend far more time playing video games than most other activities. Right now I'm addicted to WoW (World of Warcraft), but have traditionally liked TBS and RTS games.

- Enjoying a bubble bath together while sipping wine and talking (or just enjoying one another's embrace).

- Baking chocolate chip cookies.

- Stargazing, or watching a thunderstorm, together.

- Walking out of the house to head to work on a beautiful morning, then abruptly turning around to go back in and ask my partner to play hookie with me that day so we can go enjoy it together. Especially in the Spring.

- Getting addicted to TV series...and I mean addicted. When I watched my first few episodes of SG1 and decided I wanted to catch up (back around the middle of S8) I watched about 5 episodes a night so I was ready to start watching them live starting with S9. I like to be able to share these mini-obsessions with my partner.

- Working on our relationship / Building our life together. I know, it's cliche. I don't really care; it makes me feel uplifted.

- Christmas shopping. Well, any shopping really (besides clothes shopping), but Christmas shopping has an added bit of magic about it.

- Sharing a romantic candle-lit dinner with my partner.

- Holiday stuff. Decorating the Christmas tree; Wrapping presents; Carving a pumpkin; Dying Easter eggs; Buying fireworks; Dressing up and giving out candy on Halloween.

- Going to Cook's Forest a few weekends a year. Spending the days trouncing through the woods or canoing down the river, and the nights cuddled up together in a clean, warm hotel room.

- Trading back scratches / massages with my partner on a regular basis. Spending a few hours watching TV, trading places each commercial break, is an awesome way to spend a lazy night at home...or a relaxing evening after a day of activity.

- Occasionally going out to local 'events'. Whether it's an art show, the RenFest, or something else, once every month or so I just like to get out and do something different for a day.

Some other quick notes:
Note 1: I'm a critical thinker who sometimes has trouble fitting into our magical-thinking woo-crazed society. While I'm a hopeless romantic, and love escaping into fantasy and sci-fi movies and books, I like to keep a clear view of truth and reality. I truly believe that a little calm logical rationality could solve most of the worlds problems. I'm a skeptic and I guess you could call me a bit of a scientist in nature, though I don't work in the sciences professionally.

Note 2: I should probably make a point about my listed atheism here. I mean that to be the original neologism: a - the - ism; 'without god belief'. To make assertions without proper logical or scientific evidence is the definition of arrogance to me, and to do so asserting one knows the mind and form of the ultimate truths of existence is beyond my comprehension. Similarly, hard (angry) atheism does not appeal to me; One cannot scientifically prove a negative. Though I will admit to becoming a bit more...impassioned than I may otherwise like at times. I have no problem at all with religions that are actually more philosophical constructs (like Buddhism), nor with religions that are designed to provide symbolic focii for what are ultimately rationally explainable phenomena (like some practices of neo-paganism)

Note 3: I recently went through a divorce (end of 2009), and for those worried about it I feel like I should say that I don't think I'd ever choose divorce in almost any circumstance. I think that when marriage is though of as anything other than absolutely permanent, it limits trust and prevents effective problem resolution. Divorce was not my choice, not my idea, and I did not agree with the decision, and to this day I still don't really believe in divorce. Unfortunately, it only takes one person to stop trying and to make that decision. I would like to find someone who, similarly, does not consider running away a viable alternative in any but the most dire cases, and is passionate about vigilance in keeping the relationship strong and resolving any issues together immediately before they become a real problem.

Note 4: The past is very important to me in general, and I need someone that at least understands and respects that. Nostalgia is an extremely powerful and common emotion and I like to be able to embrace it. From elementary school to yesterday, my past is a huge part of who I am, just as large as the present and the future (maybe even more so than them), and I see anyone not interested in my past as not interested in really knowing me.

Note 5: I'm very different than most people in the way I think. In short, I tend to abstract situations into objective generalizations and apply a rational ethical framework in an effort to find the most objectively just solution. Then I implement it. While others appear to apply a more non-analytical heuristic algorithm to most choices that includes both bias and subjectivism. I would like to find someone like myself, but I know that's asking a lot.

I am sensitive, open, and reliable. What? I'm allowed to bracket my self-summary in tri-word descriptors. ;)
What I’m doing with my life
Professionally, I've spent the past decade in IT. I was off for a while (stupid economy) but just recently (mid 2010) got a new job doing Cold Fusion web applications development for a very large company very close to my house. The pay is mediocre (well, it's actually pretty good, but compared to what I was making...), but there's some things I like about the job so I may stay for a while at least. (Update Aug 18, 2010: Things have been going downhill lately, so I am actively interviewing at this point. Oh well.)

Over the past few years I worked at starting a wedding photography business so I could get away from the corporate world, make my own schedule, relax, and enjoy what life has to offer while I'm still young. The time and energy investment in my day job has historically prevented me from doing many of the hobbies I used to love spending my time on: composing music, rendering 3D images, writing, developing video games, etc. I'm not so worried about money and status as I used to be, and just want more free time to spend with my friends and family and do the things I enjoy.

As I always historically worked with a partner and am not comfortable working alone, the near future of that wedding photography business is dismal, though I hold out hope I could get back into that world someday; I can't begin to explain how exciting and meaningful an experience it was. I may want to try again to make it a primary source of income sometime down the road, but for now I'm settling into the new job and trying to relax and enjoy letting someone else deal with the higher level responsibilities of running a business.

In the long term I would like to work well under 40 hours/week though. Some people get bored after they retire, and I cannot begin to understand that. When I was off work for a year and a half around the 2003 area, I worked some 40 hours per week building a browser based MMORPG. I spent free time creating 3D artwork, writing music, writing my novel, learning physics, reading books, and just spending time with family and friends. I quite literally never had enough free time! And that was before I had a yard to mow, house to clean, and garden to tend. If they could stop aging I'm sure I could keep myself busy for a millennium at the minimum without a job in sight. Since I have much less than that, I'd like to maximize my free time to get in what I can before the chance is gone.

For a non-work related answer, I guess the primary thing I'm concentrating on is finding the right person. It's harder than it should be, or maybe I'm just pickier than most. I'll admit I spend a minimum of 5 hours on OK Cupid per week, and think about it quite often (finding the right person, not OK Cupid specifically). In the past 10 months I've been on here I've gotten to the first date stage with 2 whole people. Finding Mrs. right really shouldn't be this hard...

Besides that I really am trying to relax after the difficulties I've had over the past few years. Working just one full-time job with no other professional responsibilities is a nice change, and I'd like to enjoy it for a little while. Since I have no one to go out with, I spend a fair amount of time playing video games, tending my yard and gardens, and watching TV. I'd like to enjoy a little more variety, but I'm not the kind of person who enjoys doing much of anything alone.

I am currently getting started writing a sequel to that browser based MMORPG I mentioned above. I'm excited about the possibilities that the advances in web technology have made available over the past half decade, and am focusing a lot of my free time and energy on that right now. A partner who would take an interest in the game (ie: a gamer) would be awesome, and someone who might contribute to the project and work with me on it would be a dream come true. Not a requirement, though.
I’m really good at
Debating? In written format anyway. I've had a problem the past few years where I can't come up with the right words fast enough in normal conversation, which makes me flustered, which makes me dislike debating in person. Written format lets you get more coherent and fleshed out thoughts down anyway. I'm very passionate about what I've learned and decisions I've made, and love getting the chance to share that with others.

I'm a great web developer, but mostly because I enjoy it. Not much of a web designer though. I'd also like to think I'm a good photographer, but give me a few years before I call myself great ;). I'm also a good researcher. When I need to buy or do something I always learn enough to make myself nearly an expert, so I can insure I'm making optimal decisions and completing the task reliably. I enjoy sharing this knowledge to, so if I seem like I'm an expert on odd topics (from CFLs to cameras to sprinkler systems) that's why. =P

I used to be good at comforting people; Being a shoulder to cry on. But I think my pessimism in the recent years has diminished that trait somewhat. I'd like to think I'm also good at being romantic, but it's a bit of a lost art to the point that most people can't even appreciate it anymore. I'd love to find someone who can prove me wrong on that point, though.
The first things people usually notice about me
Not really sure.

I was working in retail since the age of twelve, so I learned young to be professional, courteous, and unassuming. My years in IT have caused me to lose touch with some of my conversation skills so I generally come off as quiet and rather serious. I think I also tend to do this so I can sum up who I'm talking to; so few people in this world are rational intellectuals so I want to make sure I don't try to start an interesting conversation that will hardly get me a weird look or slew of woo in response. I've become a little 'jaded' in that way. When you get to know me, though, I'm quite outgoing, loud, fun, and often humorously 'immature' ;). I go out of my way to help people, even those I don't know, and consider any problems my close friends have to be 'our' problems more than 'their' problems.

Or perhaps that question was about looks? I've been told I have beautiful brown eyes. They're often bloodshot from my contacts, though I hope to fix that with LASIK soon enough. I'm very 'cleancut', and a bit obsessive about cleanliness (of both my person and my environment). I like my hair and would love to have the chance to try some more interesting colors/styles with it, but probably not so long as I'm in a professional job :(. If my brothers are any indication I'll be graying by my early thirties, so I figure that at least gives me a chance to try some other colors. ;)

I also look younger than I am, apparently. When I turned thirty my mom and best friend took me out to The Meadows and I got carded, just like every other time I've gone. Nine years over the limit and I'm still getting carded...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'll just go with a short list format here

TV: Stargate SG1, Stargate Atlantis, Futurama, Family Guy, The Mentalist, House, Star Trek (mostly TNG), Firefly, Reba, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Big Bang Theory, Roseanne, CSI, Glee, Who's Line Is It Anyway, Mystery Science Theater, The Tick, People's Court, Criminal Minds, Better Off Ted, King of the Hill, Scrubs (mostly for the friendship JD and Turk have)

Movies: Avatar, Walk in the Clouds, Back to the Future Series, Monty Pythons, Serenity, Big Trouble in Little China, Better of Dead, subtitled Miyazaki movies, Minority Report, Gattica, Underworld, Goonies, 12 Monkeys, Momento, True Lies, Pretty Woman, The Fifth Element, 2001, Battle For Terra, and for some reason I love the Resident Evil trilogy even though they are mediocre films...

Video Games: Masters of Monsters, Final Fantasy (1, 3, and X specifically), Emperor: RotMK, Age of Mythology, World of Warcraft, Dark Wizard, Warsong, Warrior of Rome II, Master of Orion 2/3, Heroes of Might and Magic 4/5, Phantasmagoria, just to name a few...

Books: Drizzt saga, Harry Potter series, Chronicles of the Black Blade, Calvin and Hobbes, Chronicles of Narnia, Space Trilogy (CS Lewis), Elegant Universe (Brian Greene), Star Trek novels, Eragon series

Music: Triumph, Dio, Manowar, Styx, Debbie Gibson, Rik Emmett, Garbage, Evanescence, Ayumi Hamasaki, Billy Joel, Avril Lavigne, Cindy Lauper, Duran Duran, Enya, Britney Spears, Belinda Carlisle, Oingo Boingo, Offspring, Vixen, Zonata, some opera, Huey Lewis, Alanis Morisette, Shakira; lots of 80s stuff and most anything with deep meaning. In fact, even though I grew up in the 90s I love 80s music, movies, style, hair, etc.

The six things I could never do without
1) Internet, which includes email. I learn so much every single day just from reading stuff online, and email is my primary form of communication with the outside world (and even friends).

2) Money. I don't need to be rich, or even wealthy, but I do need a stable (upper) middle class income matched against expenses I can easily cover. Some of my favorite things involve being able to actually buy little things I want instead of dreaming, splurging on Christmas presents, putting on awesome Fourth of July shows, etc. That and I'd like to see the world someday...

3) Stable friendships (and a relationship). This really should be number one, but I'm not ordering by priority. Friends make life worth living. I stipulated 'stability' because I hate putting time and effort into something that won't last. A real 'friend' is someone who will be there til the end. As I consider a relationship to be built on top of a strong friendship, that fits in here too and is probably the single most important thing to me.

4) Rationality. I guess this is my biggest stumbling block in finding number 3. I simply see red when research, data, and evidence is painstakingly collected and presented for one side, and a person doesn't accept it because they don't want too / it makes them sad / they're a goober / etc. I enjoy a wide variety of opinions in our world, and everyone is entitled to their own, but they're not entitled to their own facts. The phrase that pops into my head more often than anything else when dealing with most people is "That's not right; that's not even wrong!" - Bonus points if you know who said that...extra bonus points if you admit that you looked it up. ;)

5) 'Junk' food. Most of what I eat consists of what many would consider junk food. I tend to pretty carefully balance it so my diet is somewhat reasonable and gets me most of the resources I need, but I am an extremely picky eater and don't think I could survive if I had to spend three meals a day eating what 'normal' people do. Yick! ;) (Ironically, I love going out to really nice restaurants with others, even though I often don't eat much; I just love the atmosphere and company)

6) Respect. True respect. Someone who respects everyone respects no one. People, including me, need incentive to excel, and recognition of excellence is the simplest, most effective way to do that. Respect me enough to always be honest, tell me when I do poorly, and show genuine respect for what I do well. There's nothing that brings me down faster than showing someone something I've done, that I know is a mediocre rough draft, only to get excessive compliments in return.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
All kinds of stuff. Astronomy, physics, the next update I want to make to one of my web apps, my to-do list for the day, the socio-political effects of a lack of critical thinking in the general populace, the next map I want to create in Emperor RotMK, ethics and morality, what flowers I want to plant in which gardens, and anything else that happens to pop into my head. My mind likes to run at full speed 24 hours/day so I'm always thinking...or fantasizing. ;)

Okay, well right now I'm almost always thinking about finding the right person, but I assume that question was supposed to be indicative of what you could expect if you were with me and all else was going well. Of course, thinking of my partner would be in there too, but again I figured the spirit of the question was targeted towards what else I would be thinking about.
On a typical Friday night I am
Hanging around watching TV or (more likely) playing a video game. Hey, c'mon, I'm still tired from waking up early for work all week! ;)

Saturday is the real 'fun day' anyway. Sleep in 'til almost noon, spend the day outside, stay up until 5:00 in the morning playing video or board games...good stuff.

I hate crowds so if I'm going to try to go 'out', I try to do it on a weekday even if it means taking a vacation day from work. I hate bars and clubs, though I can enjoy places like Dave and Busters or a nice restaurant. I guess I don't mind going to a Karaoke bar or something every once it a while, but I don't really enjoy being places where people go just to drink or talk. I figure if I want to do the latter I can do it while doing something else fun too. Want to talk? Great, lets do it while playing tennis / shooting hoops / shooting each other in the head on the N64 / getting some shopping done / washing a car / etc. As for the former I can enjoy half a glass of wine on occassion but have absolutely no interest in people who guzzle beer to get drunk; why in the world would anyone willingly choose to decrease their control or competence?

I will brave crowds for special events I want to attend, though, and generally not mind them much in those cases. Something like the Ren Fest, or local art show, or picking out pumpkins on get the point.

I also guess I don't mind crowds or places like bars and restaurants when I have a purpose. I absolutely loved every single wedding I ever photographed, for instance.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I dunno. I kind of made a decision a few years ago to not lie, actively or by omission, anymore. So I have very little that's actually private, other than things that could get me in trouble at work or that can't be described accurately enough in the limited space I have.

Maybe some of these (You'd better not be planning to hold any of these against me, considering most others have similar secrets; I'm just open enough to tell you mine. :) ):

- I'm passionate about almost everything. Hobbies, ideas, choices, creations, emotions. I'm not always the most energetic person, but I'm never apathetic.

- I pay attention to detail, and despise those that don't. Nothing get's under my skin faster than something that wasn't done quite right by someone who doesn't even notice their work is sub-par!

- I'm nearly impossible to shut up ;). No, I don't talk during movies, but the rest of the time I really like talking about everything, and I'm looking for someone who can enjoy that level of constant communication.

- I'm a Libertarian (mostly). Ethically if not practically. Though as a group I tend to get along with Democrats the best.

- I hate 'culture' and conformism with a passion. Do something because it is the most efficient methodology; not because someone told you to when you were six! And when people start judging others because they don't conform...

- I have a terrible memory, so I can spend hours researching and coming to a decision, but I can't always articulte my reasons or convince others in person. One more reason I like written correspondence for debating. This one also bites me in the butt on other occasions.

- Given the choice, I wouldn't hesitate for a second to become a Na'vi on Pandora, or an IOA researcher on Atlantis, or a Guardian in Spira, or a captain of a UFP starship. There is a magic in these ways of life that has nothing to do with any spells or special abilities that might go along with them, and a fiery passion and purpose that provides an escape from the suffocating gray haze of apathy and mediocrity that so permeates our world.

- Even though I constantly say "I will never understand..." regarding religion and irrationality, one of my darkest fears stems from the fact I do understand and realize there is precious little I can do to solve the problem.

- The above depresses and scares me so much because no matter what evidence I see, I know that humanity has the potential to create an enlightened utopian society that can take to the stars and explore the universe. Because I'm always an optimist while being a pessimist.

- I think I may have mild Aspergers, resulting in few outward signs, but all my social interaction is learned (not instinctual like for most people). As a result I've fine tuned my approach and tend to come off like the perfect guy in some situations, but have difficulty when thrown into large groups or some informal/party situations. In any case, I don't enjoy any of it, which is why I prefer close friends I can be myself with.

- Also as a result of the above, I have an absolute need for stability and personal tradition. For instance, I was devastated when I didn't get to play golf, mini or otherwise, with my one friend one 4th of July after 6 years in a row of doing it. He didn't even seem to notice, and I've learned better than to bother bringing it up. I'd like to find someone who also values personal traditions.

- One of my biggest fears is never experiencing 'something' (again). It doesn't matter what it is, or if I've ever experienced it before; just realizing that there's something I no longer have the chance to experience depresses me severely.

- Much of what I do centers around social standing. I like to impress others and to hold a place of respect. I'm perfectly willing to work for it so I deserve it; I don't want 'false respect'. Some of my kindness extends from this as well. I'm not sure why and plan to explore it someday when I have the time. But since it's a generally positive influence right now, I'm not too worried about it.

- I've seen a therapist on three occassions. For some reason some people don't like to admit that. Twice was regarding divorce and the other was after my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

- I like to (or would like to) adopt unusual animals. My next cat will be a Savannah, and only that because a Serval would be illegal here. I'd be interested in owning a de-stinkified skunk, a fox, a Giant Malamute, a small female Cougar, and many other exotic housemates...someday. I know I'll never actually get everything on my list, of course, but I'd like to at least make at least some progress on it.

- I think of relationships like an implied social contract and, as such, I think 'cheating' should be considered breach of contract and subject to fines and imprisonment. Think it's too harsh? I've actually mellowed...

- I like to think that if I find the right people to be close to, I can build a little utopia inside my own little 'bubble'. Sure, you need to head into the real world on occasion to shop or work, but as long as you have that bubble to go back to it's all good. Sometimes the world seems run by the insane, and I'm all for doing what I can to improve it, but I also accept that the only chance I'll have for happiness is a home within which I'm safe from the deceit, dishonestly, and irrationality of the outside world. Then again, sometimes I think if I had a stable support structure (partner and friends) I'd see things in a better light...

None of those were all that private, but I think they're things some people may want to hide. I guess that works...
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 20–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends
You should message me if
If you like my profile, contact me. The fact that you took the initiative instead of waiting for me to write to you will be a huge turn on. I like strong, confident women.

Even if OK Cupid says we're not a match or you don't meet my listed criteria, if you want to message me then message me and make your case. I'm not always right and OK Cupid's automated system is definitely not always right, and I believe that everyone deserves a chance. I would never reject someone out of hand without hearing what they have to say. Some of my best relationships came from the most unexpected of places.

- You want a lifelong commitment, and believe that if two people really love each other and are both passionate about making the relationship work as equal partners, they can get through any difficulty, resolve any disagreement, and get past any differences.

- You want a relationship to be the focal point of your life, and plan to keep it there instead of drifting into a state of taking each other for granted like most couples do over the years. I want the same passion and romance that's there during the 3 month anniversary to be there in 10 years (or 50 years).

- You like romance, and like doing all sorts of little things for your partner, while truly appreciating the little things they do for you. I tend to hate 'low maintenance' partners that don't notice my efforts and give little or nothing back. Actually, I'll go so far as to say I don't believe there are any 'little things'; just under-appreciated things.

- You can dedicate yourself to writing at least a couple thousand words every other day or so (or more). Yes, I understand you have a job and responsibilities; we all do. Maybe a relationship isn't important enough to you to give up a little TV, video game, or even sleep time, but it is to me. I'm looking for someone who's so excited about the possibility they just found the right person that they couldn't sleep if they tried. If you're going to write 3 paragraph messages, or write one message a week, it's just not going to work out between us. Once we meet and start spending time together, emails can taper off a bit, of course. (This one only applies after we get past the initial mutual interest stage and move to email of course; OKC only allows 10k characters anyway, and there's no sense spending hours writing to someone who may have absolutely no interest in hearing from you)

- You believe in a philosophy of honesty, sensitivity, and a dedication to ethical choices.

- You can write an email complete with sentences, punctuation, proper capitalization, and at least a couple paragraphs long. It doesn't need to be perfect, but I'd like to think the sender can at least operate spellcheck. If you make no effort to communicate with me, then I'll reciprocate.

- You care about sanitation and personal hygiene (take your shoes off inside, always have clean hands, bathe daily, brush your teeth regularly, like to smell nice, etc; I'm a bit neurotic about this).

- You prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt, and try not to make assumptions that could give you an unfair picture of them.

- You've read this whole profile ;). No, seriously, one of the few reasons I'd actually respond negatively right off the bat is if someone indicates they didn't read this. If they don't have 20-30 minutes free to put into finding the love of their life I think that's a pretty sure sign that we're not right for each other. I met a match not too long ago who referred back to things I mentioned in my profile both in our initial emails and our first few dates; I never fell for someone so fast in my life. Not just because it made me feel that she cared enough to really get to know me, but because that sense of familiarity and understanding is a basic underpinning of any long-term relationship. I will, of course, reciprocate.

Huge bonus points if you read the 'Two of us' section; I've probably written more in my responses there than I have on my profile.

- You're reliable and responsible. I'm tired of people making promises that they simply aren't mature or responsible enough to keep.

- You have patience for someone who's a little jaded with regards to other people, and has been through enough to shake his faith in ever finding the right person. Bonus points if you feel the same, but you're right back out there trying anyway.

- You're interested in critical thinking and have a desire to approach everything in life rationally.

- You tend to pay attention to detail in everything you do.

- You play, or would like to learn, turn based games or real time strategy games (MoO, Emperor, HoMM, SEiv, AoW, AoM, Pax Imperia, Imperium Galactica, etc).

- You like relationships where your partner takes an interest in all of your hobbies and interests, and like to do the same for them. I was never really a huge fan of shows like 'So You Think You Can Dance', for instance, but I watched a couple seasons because it was important to my partner and I enjoyed being able to share that with her.

- You enjoy intelligent conversations, logical debates, and accept a form of moral relativism or moral realism.

- You have a love of nature (hiking, gardening, sunsets, whatever; just being outside).

- You enjoy good 'clean' fun.

- You don't smoke or indulge in drugs or alcohol (a glass of wine is fine, several beers is excessive for my tastes).

- You have an open mind (but not so open that your brain falls out).

Somewhat Important:
- Interested in science, space, and sci-fi

- Interested in Gardening or Horticulture

- Interested in playing or learning tennis, volleyball, or shooting hoops

- Like to, or would like to learn to, rollerblade and hike

- Enjoy good music (read: 70s and 80s or anything with poetic or deep meaning)

- Enjoy wasting a couple days a week playing Marco-Polo in the pool when possible

- Enjoy playing Dungeons and Dragons

- Enjoy creative 'stuff'

- Like to always be 'doing' something, like playing a game or working, while talking

Not Important:
- Despite what I've said above, I don't care so much about raw intelligence. I'm certainly not a genius. I just expect a desire to learn, acceptance of our relative ignorance, and a dedication to accept anything shown to be true via objective evidence or logical debate. If there's one thing I can't stand it's invocation of logical fallacies to justify belief.

Messaging Me:
I know, writing a first message is always hard. I've written two paragraph emails and been chastised for being too long-winded. I've written three paragraph emails and been chastised for being too brief. There's no objective structure and you always have to worry what you'll be judged on. I saw another dating website offer a section like this, so in case it helps allay those fears here's a few of my thoughts on messages:

- I like detail. The longer the message the better. I also like objectivity and quantification; I much prefer things like "30%" or "twice a week" over terms like "a lot" or "very seldom".

- The first message is the exception to item one since it's basically an invitation for me to check out your profile and establish a mutual interest before talking. I'm fine with just a few sentences.

- Sarcasm, joking, and emoticons are fine. I'm not going to toss your message (or respond negatively) just because I didn't get your joke (had someone do this to me once). But please include information and not just smalltalk.

- Structure is fine. I understand dating is sometimes like a 2-way interview process for the awesomest job in the world. I'm very open so you may ask about anything at all and don't have to try and couch it in polite-speak. Charts and pivot tables welcome ;). Fire away.

- Referencing things I've written about and comparing/contrasting your own views is a huge turn-on. I especially love the inline response format once we get started.

- Txtspk is annoying.

- I will always respond to any (reasonable) message I get, even if just to explain why I don't think we'd work.

And if you're not sure what to write about, especially to start, here's a few icebreakers that might help:

- What are you looking for in a relationship right now? How long term?

- How often do you go out of your way to do something nice for your partner and in what way? How do you react or show your appreciation when he does so for you? Do you notice and appreciate the little things?

- How do you feel about personal hygeine and order/cleanliness in general?

- Are you a skeptic? How do you feel about intelligence, learning, and rationalism? What's your first thought when you hear the word 'science'?

- Where do you want to live long-term? Pittsburgh (especially the South Hills) is 'home' to me, and I doubt I could ever be happy living elsewhere, so this is almost a deal-breaker.

- How do you feel about gaming (in whatever form)? What kinds of gaming do you take part in?

- How do you feel about the past? Is nostalgia (and memories) important to you? Do you like to talk about your memories with a partner? If so, how do you feel about discussing past relationships?