*THE FOLLOWING SELF SUMMARY CONTAINS THE FOLLOWING: INAPPROPRIATE HUMOR, QUESTIONABLE SENTENCE STRUCTURE, COBRAS AND ASBESTOS. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK*

I'm a blackabilly, which is a black rockabilly/psychobilly fan. Yes, I came up with that term myself. I like women with good taste in shoes. I'm a huge Arsenal fan. I'm a huge fan of table-top roleplaying games. I love NPR, The BBC and PBS. I enjoy going to the Lyric Opera and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. I'm a bibliophile. I speak Latin, albeit very rough and broken Latin and usually, it's just a phrase or a word or two. I can appreciate a fine foreign cigarette without being pretentious. I like beer. Cheap beer, expensive beer, domestic beer, foreign beer...it doesn't matter...as long as it's cold, I'm happy. Oh and I'm a Killing Joke fan. If you know who Killing Joke is and can list the lyrics to three songs that aren't Eighties, Millennium, Love Like Blood or Loose Cannon, message me immediately. I'm a huge Heroes and Smallville fan. I'm an atheist, but I collect Catholic candles and images of the Hindu God Ganesha (because I think they're cool looking). I'm also a transgressive. If you know what a transgressive is, you're already four steps ahead of everyone else.

*NOTE*

Despite what OKCupid says...I am very well-mannered and fairly romantic. And I'm not dead or a zombie. So...jog on, OkCupid. Pffft.

Throwing butterscotch candies at random people.

Microwave cookery.

Global domination.

Bingo.

Legerdemain.

Chicanery.

Hooliganism.

Painting the town red (as in, literally trying to paint an entire town red).

Awaiting the inevitable return of C'Thulhu.

You know...everyday stuff.

Making people laugh, improv comedy, scaring the living crap out of people, entertaining, being a garbage disposal of knowledge and child-care. I don't know how or when it happened, but apparently I'm very good with kids.

My eleven tattoos, the fact that I almost always look pissed off or uncomfortable or the way I present/carry myself. Another thing people tend to notice are my glasses.

A.)-books- The Amazing Adventures Of Kavalier And Clay, Atlas Shrugged, Sati, The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Please Kill Me: The Oral Uncensored History of Punk, The Art Of War, And I Don't Want To Live This Life... , The Philosophy Of Punk: More Than Just Noise, The Hobbit, The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, The Silmarillion, Unfinished Tales, The Sword Of Truth Series, Cat's Cradle, The Book Of Lies, We Got The Neutron Bomb, The Book Of The Five Rings, The Prince, Ecce Homo, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, The First Five, See A Grown Man Cry; Now Watch Him Die, Black Coffee Blues, Eye Scream, Solipsist, Broken Summers or anything else published by 2.13.61 Publications, Dance Of Days, Hairstyles Of The Damned and How The Hula Girl Sings. This is just a tiny, tiny, tiny sample of what I read and what I like. I'm also a massive John Constantine: Hellblazer fan. My goal is to own every single graphic novel and eventually, every single comic.

B.)-movies- Bridge To Terabithia, A Love Song For Bobby Long, Constantine, The Fountainhead, A Mighty Wind, Choke, The Omen series, the Harry Potter series, Transamerica, Hilary & Jackie (even though it's a total slander fest against Jacqueline duPre) and The LOTR Trilogy. I also like small independent films, like Death Walks The Streets and film noir. And I also like anything with Zooey Deschanel.

C.)-music- Killing Joke, Husker Du, Social Distortion, X, Northern State, Rollins Band, The Knitters, Type O Negative, Fear, Fear Factory, Regina Spektor, She And Him, Emilie Autumn, Sunn O))), Jacqueline duPre, Prong, Pigface, Damage Manual, The Business, Agnostic Front, Madball, Fiona Apple, Soulfly, Nekromantix, Demented Are GO!, Graveside Rockers, The Chop-Tops, The Meteors and Busdriver. I'm also really big into Rasputina and Zoe Keating.

D.)-food- Most anything, really. I'm really partial to a good burger or steak.

Cigarettes (just in case...you never know when someone will want one or you'll want one)

My zippo

My iPod

Someone to confide in.

a backpack full of books

dihydrogen monoxide

- Why people act the way they do.

- If it's possible to make a snow-man that's as tall as the Sears Tower.

- If you really can lead a horse to water and not only make it drink, but also do your taxes and sing you an aria.

- If 10,000 people with a hammer in each hand could turn the Great Wall Of China to dust in one year.

- Why this year has thus far been one of the worst in my life and what I can do to rectify my current situation.

- If saving a cheerleader really will in fact save the world.

As you can clearly see, I think about very...random....things.

There is no such thing as a typical Friday night with me. I could be doing anything from table-top roleplaying to sitting in a bar with an ice cold PBR to watching movies under a blanket. It all depends on my mood, to be honest.

- I eat small children. It's a horrible habit. I'm up to six a day now.

- I'm 80% more likely to pay attention to you if you have awesome shoes on. This is a confirmed fact. If you have eye-catching shoes on, I will pay about 80% more attention to you.

- I'm addicted to furniture porn. Ottoman on Ottoman action gets me so HOT!!!

- I once waved a stick at someone and yelled 'Avada Kedavra'.

- I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

Editors

• Virgokin

You're extremely bored or in need of a laugh

If you're a big Killing Joke fan, a big Degrassi, Smallville, NCIS, Mad Men or Heroes fan.

If you're a fan of fantasy novels.

If you have an English, Scottish, Welsh or Irish accent.

If you can actually hold your own in an intellectual debate and not rely on your college degree to do so.

If you know who said this statement: "I don't give two splats of an old negro junkie's vomit for your politico-philosophical treatises, kiddies. I like noise. I like big-ass vicious noise that makes my head spin. I wanna feel it whipping through me like a fucking jolt. We're so dilapidated and crushed by our pathetic existence we need it like a fix."

And you should definitely message me if you're Alexa Chung. If you're Alexa Chung...PLEASE MESSAGE ME.

You SHOULDN'T message me if:

* You've ever uttered the words "I have no regrets about my life and try to live my life with no regrets". Everyone regrets something and if you don't, you're probably a sociopath and should be committed. IMMEDIATELY.

* You have a dry or non-existent sense of humor. My sense of humor is beyond twisted and takes YEARS to get used to.

* If you have reached this part of the profile, congrats. This proves that your attention span is adequate enough for me to talk to you and you're not immediately off-put by my sense of humor. Feel free to message me about anything and everything.