I went to Sainsbury's to buy some cereal bars recently; they had two types - one with 'breakfast' written across the box and one without. I got the latter because I was planning on eating them throughout the day. This is a true story.

Messaging people on here I know from real life, saying "Haha, you're on here too? How FUNNY!", then forgetting I've done it and receiving an email from OkCupid a couple of hours later that makes me think "YES, MAYBE I WON'T DIE ALONE!", but actually it's just from them and I probably will.

Grammar; cunnilingus; lying.

That I'm not an amputee. People are always coming up to me and saying "Woah, dude! You've got two arms and legs!", and I'm like "Yeah man! Fingers and toes all intact as well!" Then we high five.

I'm not really into books. Girls still like that, right? Male boorishness? Us men are here to build houses and fight bears, not read Jane Austen. Film-wise, Shaun of the Dead, The Conversation, Dead Ringers, Kick-Ass, No Country For Old Men, Harold & Kumar, Nil By Mouth, Blue Valentine, Safety Not Guaranteed and The French Connection are favourites; for TV, see Boston Legal, The IT Crowd (or anything Graham Linehan's been involved with, really. Not Big Train though - that was shit), Dr Katz, True Blood, The Life and Times of Tim, Bob's Burgers, The Wire, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Mad Men, Parks and Recreation, The Larry Sanders Show or The Sopranos; with regard to music, I'm a big fan of the Pixies, Elliott Smith, Built to Spill, Guided by Voices, Women, Spoon, Wire, Beulah, Pavement, Van Morrison, Neutral Milk Hotel and Fugazi; and food... I like most food. But not lamb.

Christ, I don't know. Six... Why six? Hmm. Words. I'd struggle without words. And indeed, regularly do. Let's consider this an example of that.

Grappling hooks.

Sitting awkwardly in a corner somewhere, wishing I'd stayed at home. Or, alternatively, sitting awkwardly in a corner at home, wishing I'd gone out. One or the other.

Right: sphere -3.25, cylinder -0.50, axis 90
Left: sphere -3.00, cylinder -0.50, axis 70

You're not a scrub. No, I don't want no scrub - a scrub is a girl that can't get no love from me. Hanging out the passenger side of her best friend's ride, trying to holla at me. I don't want no scrub - a scrub is a girl that can't get no love from me. Hanging out the passenger side of her best friend's ride, trying to holla at me. If you don't have a car and you're walking (oh yes girl, I'm talking to you), if you live at home with your momma (oh yes girl, I'm talking to you), if you have a shorty but you don't show love (oh YES girl, I'm talking to YOU... even though I have no idea what that means (Edit - I've now been informed what it means; it probably isn't applicable))... Wanna get with me with no money? Oh no, I don't want no scrub.