I came here to get weird, and I have done that. I have not, however, found my appetite for the constant divorce from normalcy to sate so quickly at the dwindling offerings of this desiccated, ubiquitously branded, dying star of the West. Let's pretend that American culture still has the capacity to generate magnificence long enough to support us in desecrating some loathsome emblem of the impending death of free thought and self-determination before the very same becomes our identitiy. Or we could netflix 'n' chill if that's more your speed.
Nonconventional, nonconformist, nonsensical, nonplussing.
Introverted, informal, intricately inquisitive, intuitively inclined, infrequently indolent, intermittently infantile, incurably indignant, incisively insolent, invective-invoking, intentionally inflammatory, interference-inducing, internet-integrated interior interloper inexorably involved in intimately investigating infinite information. Incredibly, initially-ingrained ingenuity indisputably intact. Indifferent? Incredulous? Invalid inferences.
My teeth rend the gifts of earth and sea. My lungs borrow their share of the winds. My rain-wet tissues transmute their essences into convulsing, electric fire which, climbing into the aether through my coiled spendor, etches its immortal signature into the walls of limitlessness. The skies tremble in unison. Each of these thunderclaps, deafening in its own dominion, is washed out, infinitesimal, rendered null in the absolute by the endless birth of creation.
I transfer, organize, and synthesize information, concepts, matter and imagery. I vibrate the names of ancient beings to the four corners of the world. I scream endlessly into the void in the vain hope that it may one day return the favor. I have been paid fairly well for my mastery of symbols.
I am an antihero in my own comedy noir.
I am an event, specifically a catastrophe, unfortunately not the kind you can't look away from. I could use the attention.
I have been observed by many tens of thousands of people. Their experiences have generated mixed reviews. To be impartial in recounting, I'll need to contact them and do some research. I'll get back to you in 40 to 50 years.
If you don't mind some self-serving bias, then here you go: my gaze is known to shatter minds, I once shook God's hand and then beat him at arm wrestling, and I smell like James Earl Jones sounds. Everything I own is gold-plated. I've been elected President of the United States of America every four years since 1992 under an assumed name after campaigning in movie makeup. After each victory, I appointed a CIA-engineered doppelganger to occupy the office for me while I trained models in nude lion jousting in the Australian outback. The videos have been lost in a tragic submarine fire, which to this day is the most ironic and expensive misfortune I've experienced. The shipping costs for lions are actually quite low, however. You'd be shocked at how many people are dying to get rid of lions. The models are what set me back.