I'm a smart and funny guy with a lot of talents that aren't too well-developed. It's time to pick one or two and push them harder. I like to bike. The East Bay is the best biking location I've ever lived in. I lift weights, too. I care a lot about health, ethics, politics, and philosophy in general. I like to think about things and talk to other people who also think about things. I cook every day. I'm particular about food. I am an internet culture savant. I always have a relevant video or .gif. I play guitar fairly well but I want to be excellent. Same with singing. I prefer deep relationships with a few people to having loads and loads of friends I don't know well. I put a lot of effort into escaping the rat race but I'm not much closer than I was before.
END SANE PART BEGIN CRAZY
intellecual contemplative perfectionist psychonaut philosopher bohemian empath hilarious creative self-knowing idealistic reliable political ruminating and always hungry.
One message that our society holds dear, with which I and likely you as well have been bombarded from all sides during the formative years of our growth and which for that reason is difficult for the less introspective of us to question is that we would do better to lie about who we are and that this is ultimately a moral and admirable action. This message takes many forms and occupies many niches in our vernacular, springing mostly from blithe and pithy idioms about success -- 'fake it 'til you make it,' you might have heard, or 'lead with your best foot forward.' Unrecognized by adherents to the meaning invested in these various witticisms and catch phrases and suppressed as well by the content of the resulting dialog itself is the dire, dire importance of intimately knowing and being able to live in harmony with our faults, our weaknesses, what Jung called the shadow of the human psyche. We are advised to hide these ugly things away and to pretend that they never existed in the first place. When we do so, others are able to see only the best of us, and thereby we set traps for one another. Friends, employers, prospective lovers, the whole of humanity is exposed at first only to our most flawless and shimmering facets, leaving all of that dreadful, shameful ugliness we've hidden away -- 'hidden' only, because it *will* be found -- to be discovered later, after a bond is formed, after it is too difficult to part ways in light of the discovery and after all the suffering and dissonance that this ugliness creates has conned its way into a cohabitance where it was never welcome but is preserved even if ephemerally by the duplicity that preceded it. We speak not in words as much as we do in fish hooks, and we are training each other to continue, to intensify, to sophisticate our efforts, to wave the banner of a nation of ensnarement and to cheer when we see someone reel in a big one.
And of course, it works. It is the only thing that *can* work in a game where most everyone agrees that these are the rules. When we 'dress for the job we want,' so to speak, we are certainly more likely to get it when doing so enables us to appear better suited for it than the other applicants. Anyone who in honesty and with an open heart lays bare all of their broken pieces can never compete with an immaculately coiffed image obscuring a yet-just-as-broken process of being. We are thusly forbidden from living as authentic enactments of our deeper passions and we are offered instead the booby prize of a chance at competing in a marketplace where the product we must sell in order to succeed is only a snapshot of ourselves, taken from the best angle in the best lighting on a good hair day, without substance, a mere image we must pass off as the proper article if we are to find acceptance.
And we are told, as we go on to tell others, that because it works when done well it is a good thing to do or even that it is the *right* thing to do.
On and on we go, suppressing ourselves to impress others, until we forget who we ever were to begin with.
And then, of course, we cannot understand why we all need therapy.
If you are going to know me, the first and most important thing you will know is that I do not heed this recommendation to obscure the less palatable of the constituent elements of my psyche and that I will respond poorly if I find that you do. I am unabashedly, nakedly myself at all opportunities. I have suffered unqualifiable falure and rejection for this choice and it has been worth it. The only thing that there is left in life is the search for others who have made the same commitment.
Tell me who you are or do not waste my time.