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36 M Tacoma, WA

My Details

Last Online
Apr 6
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Has kids
Likes dogs and has cats

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My self-summary
I've been told that a lot of PNW guys have emotions. That they're sensitive. They dress funny. Possibly they drink little polysyllabical coffee drinks in tiny cups while planning their next kayak trip down the slope of Mt. Rainier and other... outdoors....stuffs... I'm not from the PNW but, I have feelings. I know they're there. I'm empathetic. I know when you're mad and need to cry - the tears and snot and hiccuping stuttering jerking talking clues me in because I'm perceptive. And awesome. I'm just not from the PNW. I grew my beard to blend in after the first roving band of hipsters found me alone at night and beat me within an inch of my life. I took out 10 of them before it happened but I have kids so I need to stay alive for their sake.

I stay cheerful because if I start to brood, everything becomes dark and I put on my wizard hat and... no, my black clothes and dark makeup and then my coworker has to beat me out of it. She keeps a box knife and a screwdriver handy for that explicit purpose. So, I stay relentless optimistic because fixing cracked teeth is no fun. I HATE the dentist.

Where was I? Right! I'm not a PNW native. I like to hike and get out but I have kids so I'm not out every single freakin' days like a lot of these guys SAY they're doing. FYI, They're actually staying home and watching Extreme Hoarders instead. Men lie. True fact. I've seen it happen. Hiking from the kitchen to the couch, more like.

I used to bike to work and back (16 miles!) but no longer since my schedule has changed a lot with my kids and ferrying to and from daycare leaves no time. So now I go to the Y to exercise because I like (bad) food and food likes me but I don't like having a chubby belly. Those are for puppies or kittens or babies. Now I'm picking up jogging on my lunch break at work to make up for it. I miss biking :(

What else? Read on brave ... reader... person... lady(????)...
What I’m doing with my life
Jesus, OKCupid. Get off my back. I know what I'm doing with my life!

Living it! (FYI, if you put that in your profile and I read it, I cringe. Every. Single. Time.)

But, seriously, raising fabulous awesome kids. And, despite everything I'm doing, they're turning out to be hilarious and amazing.

What else? I write. Erotica. Supernatural erotica. Also, fantasy and science fiction. You'd be surprised how hard it is to come up with original sex scene descriptions after writing so much about it. So, when I write something non-erotic, it's nice. I don't have to dig through my thesaurus for another word for "thrusting" or "bodice" or "heaving" or "vagina" or etc...

I write strong women because fuck Prince Charming and Republicans and misogynist pigs everywhere. The ladies I go for in real life are typically strong willed, intelligent and have amazing personalities. I mean, just look at my girlfriend. .... (come ooooooon boyfriend pooooiiiiiints!)

Work itself? Programming. Figuring out ways to do nearly anything that can be automated. Pulling reports, databasin' and jQueryin' and sassin' people.

Oh! I just started my own batch of hard cider! I have stuff currently bubbling in a fermentation bucket with a cool airlock on top :) I'm kind of excited to see how it turns out :) UPDATE: the hard cider tastes like very strongly alcoholic wine so I'm going to let it sit and see if it goes more cider. May have to let this batch go.
I’m really good at
Important things first, naturally.

I play a mean game of baby toss. Hands around the waist, head up, tossing in the air and going "WHEEEEE!" while smiling all broadly and cheerfully? Nah, that shit's for amateurs. I'll take those babies, grab their ankles and toss them into the air upside down. I'm hardcore. I made a mother cringe and look away one time. For Real. She almost cried(*) but I had him just fine. They were shrieks of happiness and you could barely smell the pee.

I have no shame in front of small children. Spider baby crawling on the ceiling? Yup. Baby shoulder rides while I scream out "SQUIRREL!" and chase that bastard down with the kid on my shoulder? Better believe it. Then, I hit that tree, yell out "DETACH!" and wait for the baby to climb the tree but... yeah, still working on that part. Kids are kind of slow sometimes. They don't quite get it. Mostly they kung-fu grip my head and scream until I stumble blindly into the duck pond, shrieking like a little girl at a Justin Beiber concert.

I do pretty good at the writing. Or at least that's what I'm told? One of my stories (chapter 8 of my Layers story) is #1 on Literotica under the NonHuman category for the past 12 months!

Voluntarily nystagmus ... ing!

(*) "I will fucking kill you if you drop my kid" is just another way women show their uncontrollable womanly emotions.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I have a small child on my shoulders, crazy wild eyes and a face contorted in anti-squirrel rage as I run around the local parks?

That I'm male?


Oh! No... Hmmm... I have a tattoo? Although that's only if I'm trying to show it off. Awkwardly. With a sleeveless shirt. Or am outside biking/jogging. It's a wolf's head (design rather than realistic) that my friend in Louisiana designed and was inked at Slave to the Needle. If I were to have a totem animal, it'd be a wolf so it means a lot to me.

I have been told (literally) by more than one woman that my voice feels like a hug. So there's that. Calm, even and warm, I think.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Side note: It's really really hard to be humorous while writing about books and stuff you like. So, this section will be stuffy. I'll produce my whipping boy on command in compensation. Just pay no attention to the fact that he looks remarkably like me and (mostly) ignore him when he begs for more.

I'm a nerd. I like science fiction and fantasy and I am very low brow. I don't think I've read many or any of the books you'd get from a proper schoolin' (on account of me never really going to college) so I like easy books. Currently, my favorite is A Song of Ice and Fire by GRRM but he better shape up and get back on track with the books and characters. He's on notice. A small sampling of others so I can show my nerd cred? Sure: Robert Jordan, Neil Gaiman, William Gibson, Tim Powers, Alan Moore, Terry Pratchett, Ted Chiang, Richard Matheson, Jack Vance and Edward Gorey.

I read some translated Japanese manga, some Vertigo comics and a few graphic novels.

Some webcomics I like: xkcd, Scary Go Round, Questionable Content, Penny Arcade, Sequential Art, Hark! A Vagrant (I love that lady's stuff), Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, Gastrophobia, Axe Cop, Girls With Slingshots, Subnormality, Doctor Voluptua, The Perry Bible Fellowship, The Oatmeal, Liz Prince Power, Doctor Voluptua, Oglaf and Calvin and Hobbes.

Imgur is kind of look a webcomic, right?

Movie sampler: Iron Man, The Dark Knight, District 9, Amelie, Pan's Labyrinth, the Bourne movies, The Crow, Bladerunner, The City of Lost Children, Cat People, The Devil's Backbone, Ginger Snaps, the original Star Wars trilogy, the original Indiana Jones trilogy, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, An American Werewolf In London, Inception, anything Monty Python and the two Sherlock Holmes movies.

TV (which I rarely rarely watch, like any good arrogant, elitist adult): Mystery Science Theater 3000, Myth Busters, Firefly, the BBC's new Sherlock Holmes show (I would carry Benedict Cumberbatch's twins to full term in my belly), The Daily Show (I would have Jon Stewart's babies, too...Jesus... I'm a man whore...) and the original Twilight Zone. Starting in on Dr. Who!

I listen to anything that catches my ear. It can be widely panned pop music but, if I like it, I like it. Stuff like Tool, Gillian Welch, Vienna Teng, Daft Punk, old Metallica, Soundgarden, old Pearl Jam, Alt-J, Lana Del Rey, Halestorm, Florence and the Machine, Pink, Die Antwoord (I don't get the hate for the lady - I think she's attractive) and Macklemore are good examples.
The six things I could never do without
1. Chapstick.
2. Chapstick.
3. Chapstick.
4. Chapstick.
5. Chapstick.
6. ... ..... ....... ?????

No, seriously. Why? Why chapstick?

But, if I can't have my chapstick then: My kids, good conversation, my imagination, pen and paper, good walking shoes, physical closeness.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Hahahahaha! Oh, OKCupid... it's like you WANT me to get arrested! You little so-and-so, you!

No, but, really, no fucking way I talk about all the things that go through my mind at any random point.

So! The filtered version. My kids. They get most of my attention aside from work and, let's be frank, you don't want to hear about databases unless you have some odd data storage fetish. Hell, you barely want to know that I think about my family so much. It's just that, ever since having kids, I've come to realize that they're what's important. I have stupid little mini panic attacks about what if I'm home alone with them for a week or something and I have a heart attack and they're all alone. Stuff like that. If I die, big deal. I'm over it. Them? Gah.

Also? Stories. So, the way my brain works is that perhaps a little story idea comes my way. Via someone else or because I'm thinking of an idea. A seed of an idea. So then my brain starts chewing on it. And chewing on it. Basically when I'm just sitting, my mind will wander and automatically start fleshing out ideas. *I* am certainly not going to complain about that.
On a typical Friday night I am
Probably family time. And then staying up after the kids are asleep. Then I'll be getting in some writing on my stories, catching up on my Google Reader feed, digging through articles on Arduino and home automation and dreaming of automating my house or studying for certifications (CCNA first!)

I'm learning to cook! I've so far made: creole seafood gumbo (epic), pumpkin pie cheesecake (delicious), New York cheesecake (meh), salsbury steak (shared effort with my girlfriend), fried pickles (no), fried okra (yes) and enchilada lasagna (should've been called lottacheese awesoma). I'm enjoying the hell out of learning to cook. Even making my own stockpile of seasonings and such. Edit - also bought some mixing bowls and a bundt cake pan! I've since made some home made cornbread (amazing with the second round of gumbo), lemon meringue pie (my mixer broke mid-making and I didn't know about the room temperature eggs until after) and... yeah :)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm kink friendly and have a dirty mind. Very flirty. Comes from writing smut. Or the other way around? Also fetish-friendly and open minded.

I have a DeviantArt account. For my writing because I seriously doubt people would be interested in dirty stick figure art. Pretty sure that's not a thing. .... ........ right?

As a child, I once accidentally lit a trashcan on fire and then blamed it on a random invisible homeless man. My mom TOTALLY fell for it.

I have a crush on Elizabeth Warren. That lady is all kinds of badass and I wish people would listen to her more.

Just had the best short review of an erotica piece I wrote: "What an enormous talent coupled with crippling misogyny." I take great pride in that :)

For the anime fansub group I worked in, I once write a subtitling program called XombieSub because Sub Station Alpha (THE program at the time) sucked. It was used in multiple countries - Russia, France, Germany, Spain, etc... You can probably Google it.

I'm in the NSPP!
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
I'm in a polyamorous relationship with my amazing girlfriend, Danielle3inabox. If you're wanting a long term FWB relationship with or without the possibility of being included in the polyamory-ness of it all then message me!

Have a question about open relationships or polyamory? I'll help where I can with what I know.

Curious about fetishes or kinks and want to talk about them? Go for it! I've been around a bit. Played a bit with different things (role play of different kinds, BDSM, really rough sex) and I have a decent grasp of people and motivations and such.

As part of putting my current bits of writing out as I write them, this is from "Sacrifice", chapter 1 (Fantasy/Dragoness TF):

Once outside of the keep's wall, the captain made a stop at a small farm. There, he handed a crying woman a bag of coins. Gold glinted within. "There is a village three miles south of here that would welcome a widow of such wealth," he told her.

The woman looked confused. "But... But... I'm not a-"

The captain drew his long hunting knife. "Where is your husband?"

An hour later, the captain was cleaning blood from his knife when a shadow slid across the earth. He shielded his eyes and looked up. A golden dragon flew overhead. Golden like the young woman's hair, the captain thought. I'm becoming poetic in my old age. "Men, with me. We've a long journey ahead of us."