I studied under the tutelage of Pieter the Belgian, Speaker of Robots and Archmage of Differential Dynamic Programming. Under his guidance I brought life to the inanimate. I tamed chaotic dynamic systems and dragged them into the ordered world of parameterized models. I used matlab. Garret the Bold, Grand Arbiter of Helicopters and master of the inverted grass cutting hover demonstrated the feats I sought to accomplish. My task was to channel his wisdom, his expert knowledge honed over years of practice into a lifeless object. I was to infuse his mastery into the simple mind of a remote control helicopter so that it might do a flip or something. It went ok.
After bringing life to the unliving I was tasked with imposing artificial dominion upon living creatures. I worked alongside Hiro the Beetlemancer and Svet the Bulgar. I crafted arcane instruments so that Hiro might learn the secrets of the beetles. I assisted Svet in whispering instructions into a microcontroller so that it might impose its simple will upon the fickle bodies of the beetles. I put a dead beetle in a freezer one time, for science.
After tiring of beetlemancy, I decided to join my friend Andrew the Cranky at a tech startup in the fantastical land of San Francisco. We were employed by Darian the Golden to bring hyper-local content to the masses. What seemed at first like a straightforward goal transformed into an endlessly shape-shifting torrent of evolving monetization strategies. Fortunately our tireless patching and reconfiguration of our core tech persisted us through the dire straights of a startup pivot and into the sunny waters of enterprise b2b services. I now find myself standing unsteadily upon a mountain of Big Data. I am a blind man shouting orders into the void. I command ephemeral hordes of spot instances to slice and devour the mountain. It is split and recombined in billions of pieces. It is assembled into untold simulacra of buildings, cities, regions all according to my instructions. It is not perfect yet. I struggle to deliver the demands of the ever consuming Product while maintaining the purity of the Atomic Index Build. I do this so that sales people might save time and make fewer, more effective sales calls.
I'm in a long term, open/poly relationship with a smart and beautiful radical feminist who goes to Harvard Law.