My name is Zach, feel free to use it.
I am spectacularly bad at introducing myself without seeming
creepier than I am; I overthink the process catastrophically.
I spent a couple of years at the University of Edinburgh;
everything since has seemed disappointing by contrast.
I've no idea what decade I'm meant to be living in. Depending on my
mood, I may decide that the year is anywhere between 1880 and 1960.
Before that period comes barbarism, after it tackiness. The 1980s
is my archenemy; Zoidberg is my spirit animal.
What I’m doing with my life
The same thing I do every life, Pinky... try to take over the
I’m really good at
Speaking in an overly-elaborate manner; dressing well if formally;
listening to people's troubles; rapidly absorbing knowledge on an
unfamiliar subject; worrying about minutiae; worrying about
everything else; not judging others' lifestyles; judging others'
drink orders; cooking elaborate meals; certain types of writing;
not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing at any given time;
appearing to have just arrived from several decades ago; imitating
Peter Lorre; projecting (quite sincerely) an air of well-meaning
Also I make a mean cocktail and a fairly passable cuppa, even if
it's me as says it.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I am wearing a tie for no immediately apparent reason.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: Being There; The Maltese Falcon; Hot Fuzz; Duck Soup; Blade
Runner; The Sting; Casablanca; The Princess Bride; Richard III; The
Long Good Friday; Our Man in Havana; A Shot in the Dark; La Grande
Illusion; Thank You for Smoking; The Third Man; Charlie Wilson's
War; Young Frankenstein; 12 Angry Men; The Ladykillers; The Caine
Mutiny; Star Wars; The Illusionist; Dr Strangelove; Raiders of the
Books: The Lord of the Rings; the Hornblower series; Sherlock
Holmes; Judge Dee; Father Brown; Hercule Poirot; Tinker, Tailor,
Soldier, Spy; Foundation; Dune; The Once and Future King; An
Instance of the Fingerpost; Lord Jim; The Secret Agent; A Coffin
for Dimitrios; Good Omens; The Name of the Rose; Discworld; Dirk
Gently's Holistic Detective Agency; PG Wodehouse
Music: Tom Jobim; Dave Brubeck; Django Reinhardt; Paul Simon; The
Beatles; The Kinks; the sound of my own voice; Steely Dan, Duke
Ellington, The Zombies, Tom Lehrer
The six things I could never do without
1. Books to read
2. Red wine
4. My pipe, King Pellinore (yes, it has a name)
5. Scotch whisky
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Practically everything, really, with the notable exception of
On a typical Friday night I am
At home, bored, rather wishing I could get ahold of someone
interesting with whom to do something.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I was bored one evening and taught myself Sindarin, as in Tolkein
Elvish. I have since written several poems in that tongue. I'm not
proud of myself, but I am what I am.
I don't know where Missouri is.
I miss the Cold War.
You should message me if
you are seized by the impulse to do so? I may be awkward sometimes,
but I mean well, you know. There's no harm in me.