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NotJoelBarish

28 M Portland, OR

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:14am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Thin
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Cancer, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hi. I'm not an astronaut (yet), my name is Sean, I think bow ties are cool, and I prefer to use the Oxford comma.

Also, this profile is best viewed in a regular browser due to the fantastic hyperlinks I have included as a tactic to show how fun/interesting/etc. I am. I highly suggest you view it on a computer even if you are not interested in talking.

Also also, I am way better in person. I know that, like, doesn't seem possible, but it most certainly is the case. (Remember those hyperlinks I was talking about?)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working at an automotive paint warehouse and trying not to go crazy with the monotony that goes with working in an automotive paint warehouse. I tend to spend a good deal of brainpower thinking up semi-elaborate practical jokes. Work takes up a ridiculous amount of the average week but I still try to find time to run (BIB 98445)*. I am also working on short stories, music, blah blah blah.

Oh, and not being a Juggalo. Pretty sure that puts me up a few notches, yeah?

*The wet and cold deterred me from running and I've had a hard time getting back into it as of late.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Stacking paint/driving a forklift, remembering details most people miss, and writing lengthy titles to various things (that will come later).

Also, coming up with great Halloween costume ideas and not following through.* Not joking. Ask me.

*I have started preparing for next Halloween. A friend and I are going to be Tea Party patriots. I designed a voter ID card last night (10-31). If you have any copies of Atlas Shrugged you would like to donate to our plan, I will buy you a drink or coffee or help you move or fix a fence or or or...
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have very blue eyes and they are generally noticed even while hiding behind my glasses. I also have a beard. Beards are very noticeable because they're on one's face. So, as you can imagine from that description, I really stick out in Portland.

"Handsome, with cute ears."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
This will be a little overwhelming compared to the first few sections. Feel free to take breaks as needed. You could also do what I do and skip to the section on which you'll judge me outright. That works, too.

Books: 1984, American Psycho, The Sirens of Titan, The Odyssey series by Arthur C. Clarke, Fight Club, Choke, Survivor, and Things Fall Apart, and A Room of One's Own to name just a few off the top of my head. Currently reading Wuthering Heights for the first time.

Movies: There Will Be Blood, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Pianist, The Master, Wes Anderson movies in general, American Psycho, Moon, The Big Lebowski, Amelie (still have a huge crush on Tautou's character), Another Earth and many, many more.

Shows: Walking Dead and Doctor Who are really the only two I follow intentionally. Other shows I watch on Netflix include: Arrested Development, Archer, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Breaking Bad, Spaced, The Kids in the Hall, Peep Show*, The X Flies, The League, crapy TLC and A&E shows, and Star Trek. I really like Star Trek but don't get dressed up, I just watch the shows.

Music: http://www.last.fm/user/crzylaand
I will make two recommendations: Starfucker (sometimes they are forced to go by STRFKR) and The Blood Brothers. I love The Blood Brothers but it is completel alright if you do not. Make a suggestion! I love new bands!

Food: Mexican is probably my favorite. I really like Thai and Italian. Seafood is really the only no-go for me and I put sriracha on almost everything.

*Go watch an episode of Peep Show. It's on Netflix and even YouTube.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1.) This.
2.) Pint glasses.
3.) A guitar. (Yes, those are mine.)
4.) Glasses because I'd probably get hit by a car without them.
5.) My backpack, as it sometimes holds a survival kit. Okay, not really.
6.) and (pause for dramatic effect) Louis CK.

Alternate 1.) Bourbon.
Alternate 2.) My book collection (which I just realized I should catalogue).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The various String theories and their near impossible testability, the Curiosity rover, whether I should pursue music or not, #ThanksObama, how I'm going to start my sleeves, the weather, the LHC, and where I can get better Mexican food.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Trying to go to a bar that I haven't previously been. Any suggestions?*

Clever, I know.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
(while a little drunk) I really want to read the Twilight series for completely academic reasons. I would like to be a teacher of the English persuasion and I can't very well say that stuff is garbage if I haven't read it, now can I?

(Sober response) Yeah, not regretful at all.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You think Lethal Weapon 5 is the greatest movie ever.
You enjoy being independent and are not looking to change that fact.
You want to follow me on Twitter where my tweets are almost exclusively Juggalo sightings during my commute.
You want to go geocaching. Muggles accepted.
You like the football you play with your feet. (Timbers and Arsenal!)
You like to laugh, and/or you want to get a drink.

"A Relatively Short Statement Regarding Sean (Middle Name) (Last Name)'s Preferences in a Woman as it Pertains to Initiating Contact With the Aforementioned Person":
I like women who go for what they want. If you enjoy this little peek into who I am, go ahead and message me. I will respond and not think you desperate. Well, not any more so than someone who joins a dating site, but that is beside the point. Also, I am not an A-list member. So if you rate me highly, it's up to the OkCupid gods to decided whether or not to let me know via email. Odds are they will be cruel and leave me with nothing but a number next to the Quickmatch section. Bastards, the lot of 'em!