Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
(mis)appropriating an overused internet meme…
WHAT MOST OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY THINK OF
That I'm just a typical heterosexual male who's simply not as
aggressive and masculine and male-oriented as most men, and who
presents himself more as neutral than as overtly male.
WHAT ONLY A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT ME
That I'm a (mostly closeted) crossdresser who occasionally goes out
dressed up and who enjoys associating with dominant women that like
to encourage men to express this side of themselves.
WHAT MOST OTHER CROSSDRESSERS THINK OF ME
That I'm merely a dabbler who should be doing this more often and
more openly instead of only going out once every couple of
WHAT TRANSGENDER PEOPLE MUST THINK OF ME
That I'm merely a dilettante for whom crossdressing is an exciting
fetish but not a manifestation of fundamental full-on gender
WHAT GAY MEN (PROBABLY) THINK OF ME
That, based on my exhibiting traits and behaviors associated with
common stereotypes, I'm most likely one of them.
WHAT MOST WOMEN PROBABLY THINK OF ME
That the gay men are most likely right. (But also that I'm a nice
guy… which as we all know…) That I'd be the perfect candidate to be
their "gay friend", except that I'm not… quite…
WHAT I LIKE TO THINK I AM
1. A not-that-unusual guy who's smart, kind, and
funny, who isn't in any way what all the boys in school growing up
said he was, who has a feminine side that's kept under wraps and
isn't noticed by anyone, or
2. A shamanic androgyne with a crossflow of
masculine-feminine leftbrain-rightbrain yin-yang energies enabling
great insight and creativity but whose workaday fashion choices
show no indication of any of this, or
3. Just someone with both a feminine and masculine
side who's come to realize that presenting himself as male is just
as much an effort to "pass" as dressing up like a woman would
WHAT I REALLY AM
Maybe once we get to know each other, you can tell
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Reviving the submissive and feminine aspects of my identity and
letting them out again after putting them on hold for an extended
period of time.
I took that personality test and it says I'm an ESPN. This
apparently means I love to watch sports. Shows how inaccurate and
unreliable these tests are - while I can be a fairweather fan and
sit through the occasional playoff or championship game and while I
can enjoy an awesome Wimbledon final on TV (note: if I channel surf
and happen upon a Wimbledon final and decide to watch it, it WILL
be awesome; this is my superpower, so check with me to see if a
match is worth watching), I'm really not much of a sports fan.
Pretending I am knowledgeable about sports (anal retentively
recalling historical stats) is part of my effort to "pass" as male.
(I don't think it works.)
If you want an accurate personality test, try the one Gary Larson
(The Far Side) drew many years ago dividing up all of humanity into
four basic types. (I'm #5.)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
* Playing the piano
* Making my computers and gadgets do things for ME that make MY
life easier (instead of the computers and gadgets making me do
things that make THEIR lives easier)
* Spouting random bits of pop culture trivia on demand
* At the same time... being a good submissive. This doesn't mean
I'm willing to be blindly obedient to outrageous demands, to be
subjected to physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, to endure
financial domination, or to compromise my integrity and safety. It
does mean that I am capable of devoted servitude that includes
general helping out around the house, errands, massages, and
whatever else is required of me in that role. I've been told I'm
less slave than handmaiden (though I'm not into the whole "sissy
maid" thing). I am loyal to a fault and always try to please. And I
come with references.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My blue eyes, and if you look at my eyes closely, my really long
lashes. They're natural. (Both the eyes and the lashes.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Here's the thing: I'm sure I like a lot of things you also
like. I'm sure I also like a lot of things you've never heard of. A
lot of things you have heard of and wonder about.
And a lot of things you have heard of and actively despise. And I'm
sure the reverse set of statements is also true. And I'm sure a
number of things on both of our lists are there just to impress, to
demonstrate how unusual and eccentric and eclectic we are, or to
make us stand out from the crowd. (Be honest.)
If our criteria for success here is finding someone who likes all
the same things we do (and who will thus "get" us and be our
soulmate), other than gazing in the mirror (or at our driver's
license photos) we're not that likely to come across someone like
That said… here is the eclectic set of unusual eccentric diverse
things I claim to like in an effort to attract like-minded
* 70s glam rock and its descendants (David Bowie
, Brian Eno
* punk and post-punk (Siouxsie & the
, Joy Division
, Todd Rundgren
* Miles Davis
, Herbie Hancock
, Stellar Moss
, Thomas Newman
, Randy Newman
before he sold
his soul to Disney
* British comedy: Monty Python
, Douglas Adams
, Eddie Izzard
, Fawlty Towers
, Young Ones
, The Rutles
, George Carlin
, David Cross
, Firesign Theatre
, Big Bang Theory
, Daily Show
, Colbert Report
* Classic TV: Twilight Zone
, The Avengers
(with Emma Peel
, of course),
* Woody Allen
Rose of Cairo
(Being John Malkovich
Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
* Cerebral science fiction/fantasy: Philip K. Dick
, Ursula LeGuin
, Margaret Atwood
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
* the internet (as I grow closer to achieving oneness with the
* my MacBook
* music (getting to listen to it or getting to play it)
* Netflix video streaming (or my collection of DVD boxed sets of
all the movies and TV series I like that aren't necessarily on
* a piano
* dark chocolate in almost any form
* coffee, preferably iced, or in ice cream form
And oh yes, even though I've already gone beyond 6 - the
opportunity to have a retreat from day-to-day efforts to pose as an
adult male and experience a softer side of me with someone who
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
* Why politics has become so stupid in this country, how much the
capacity for logic and critical thinking has been diminished over
the past few decades, and the potential causative correlation
between those two things.
* Why people don't get that compassion is a critical component of
genuine enlightened self-interest, not something that stands in
opposition to it.
* Why I am the way I am.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
putting on women's clothing and hanging around in bars. (Not
really... well, not often...)
If you don't get the reference, well…
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I just told you I'm a submissive crossdresser whose gender identity
is a little ambiguous and NOW you want to hear something
private about me????? Well, OK…
* That I've spent most of my adult life pretending to be male when
in reality, I'm not. That though I convinced myself I'd
successfully transcended the ostracism I experienced from boys
while growing up and became a man for all intents and purposes, all
I'd managed to do was to pretend to be a man when I've never really
been one. The "trans" part of me hasn't been my dressing as a woman
and taking on a feminine identity - it's been my effort to
pass as male.
* That although I empathize with and wholeheartedly support the
movement for LGBTQ rights and acceptance, I cannot identify with
the word "queer", even though it may be applicable to my history
and experience. I know that the word has been reclaimed to
represent an escape from rigid sexual categorizations and an
embracing of a wider array of choices in sexuality. But "queer" is
the thing they called me (among other choice epithets like
"faggot" and "sissy") when I was growing up and didn't fit into
what they considered the norm. So no, I can't embrace that word
myself, even though it's a word may be the most accurate descriptor
for what I am.
* That deep down I'm very shallow.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're a sharp clever openminded woman with a sarcastic wit and a
progressive attitude who thinks having a submissive crossdresser as
a friend would be kind of fun - take me along with you to turn an
ordinary shopping trip to pick up a 3-pack of Hanes hipsters and a
"decent bra" into a magical adventure to find sexy secret
"indecent" lingerie that you get to wear underneath your clothes
every day. (Like I sometimes do…) Treat me like a life-size Barbie
doll (maybe larger than life…) at your whim. Have a… strange doting
handmaiden at your disposal to fetch you tea, biscuits, Chinese
food, chocolate, and tequila (or your liquid refreshment of
choice). Or just have me sit on the couch and engage in girl talk
I'm not averse to something more than friendship happening, but
understand that I'm really not your typical male in the way I
relate to women - and hopefully that's something that appeals to
I label myself "Bisexual" and originally I said "Bi girls only"
- only because there is no "genderqueer" or "genderfluid" or
"unsure" label, and only because there is no "Girls who like
genderqueer or genderfluid or unsure guys" category. I welcome
women of any sexual orientation who would enjoy the company of
someone like me. As much as anything else, I am looking for people
I can be friends with, as I re-enter this world and seek to broaden
my social circle.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.