I like to wrestle orphans down at the junk
yards on Saturdays when the crowds bring lots of nickels. Sometimes I let them win
just so that the next time I can get them to wager their holiday presents
which are usually pretty sweet. On Tuesdays you might find me down
at Javier's East Indian
Buffet taking advantage of the generous 25 cent bathroom deal. There
are days when I like to bring a recliner onto the 32nd street
bridge and kick
back and laugh at all the people driving kias. If it's a nice
enough day out, I'll take the recliner to the beach instead, where
I offer mayonnaise to all the beach-goers.
They usually think I'm trying to play a trick on them by getting
them to think it's sunscreen, but the truth of the matter is, I
just love mayonnaise.
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I am human, living, and male
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The Skinny
How Well We Know Him
Ethnicity White
Height 5' 10" (1.77m).
Looking For New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating
Smokes No
Drinks Sometimes
Drugs Never
Religion Judaism but not too serious about it
Sign Aries but it doesn't matter
Education Working on Ph.D program
Job Education / Academia
Income N/A
Kids N/A
Pets Likes dogs and Likes cats
Languages English (Fluently), French (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), German (Poorly), Latin (Poorly)
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My Notes edit
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
After I've worked my way up through the ranks of the orphan
wrestling circuit I plan to write a discourse on the vastly
unrecognized uses of jell-o pudding. Once I've made
my fortune I can finally go back to orphan wrestling and defend my
title. I'll probably buy out the Hellman's corporation too. Damn, I
love that mayonnaise. Of course, as you might
expect, orphan wrestling and writing don't take up all of my time.
So I'm also a high school teacher. Ain't that a kicker?
I'm really good at
Clearly orphan wrestling but I'm also
talented at yodeling, thinking of stuff to do after orphan wrestling,
signing my name, opening jars of mayonnaise, thinking of stuff to do
after opening jars of mayonnaise, coloring inside the
lines, creating static electricity, carving
pumpkins, advanced mathematics, shuffling cards, balancing coins,
and creating online dating profiles.
The first thing(s) people usually notice about me
The gash right above my upper lip. You might immediately think I'm
going to tell you a long story about orphan wrestling now, but it's
actually much more complicated. Maybe I'll tell you some other
time.
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
OK, so let me tell you about this upper lip thing. You know how
sometimes there are these packages of things to eat where you can't
get it open with your hands, so you try to bite the package open?
Don't do that with Chef Boyardee.
The six things I could never do without
Oxygen, water, carbon, skin, blood, and orphans.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Up until now I would've said macaroni and cheese, but now
I can't stop thinking about what I actually think about.
On a typical Friday night I am
Preparing for my Saturday match by watching the videos from last
week's orphan
wrestling on youtube. Actually, I'm not going to lie to you. I
start to watch those videos, but I get bored pretty quickly and
tend to find various methods of procrastination. Usually that
includes coming onto OKCupid.com and updating my online dating
profile. Oh, and sometimes I'll go outside and try to find that
garden gnome from travelocity.com. I have some serious questions I
need to ask him.
The most private thing I'm willing to admit here
I'm really scared of Timmy Saint Claire. He's that red-headed kid
that bites his opponents ankles.
You should message me if
You take everything I just said seriously. Or if you don't. Or if
you just need to know what I know.
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